He Said It

Marriage Made in Hell, Part Deux

Are we noticing the same things? Like for instance that the bridesmaids in all of these pictures are the same people?? And that these dresses look like Frankenstein creations.. like some seamstress collected dead bridesmaid dress parts and slapped them all together for this snazzy look.. chintz like the curtains at the Holiday Inn and a velvet short sleeved bodice.. but the bodice had a scoop neck and showed arms so to prevent any impure thoughts, they had to tack on a high collar and long sleeves..
Even on the baby's dress.. ! That toddler is my sister, by the way. That dress now graces a ragdoll in my mother's storage shed. Note the supermodel on the left with the enormous hair.. you will be seeing her again in a future installment of MMiH.
This is probably the most dressed-up I have ever seen my grandparents. I am totally diggin the groovy powder blue tuxedos.. and we all know how I feel about nylon formal dresses, so.. do I really need to go there? I love Gm's corsage in this pic though. And the Marge Simpson 'do.

Who's Counting

I'm feeling pretty good about life at the moment, despite a momentary lapse into self-doubt and depression earlier in the week. I do that every so often.. start thinking negatively and it snowballs and pretty soon I'm slogging around in a gray funk, snapping at everyone and hiding from mirrors and imagining myself as some angry, gelatinous, unlovable hulk.

And then I remember that God likes me anyway, and so does my horse. And people who are shallow enough that they would expect anyone to be perfect in every way all the time (the things I expect from myself 99% of the time) are not really people I'd care to surround myself with, if you catch my drift. Now I could go further down that road, and wonder what that says about me, whether I am one of those people.. but I'd rather write a list instead.

(As an aside, L says that no one can live their lives based on a list. I replied that if I didn't write so many lists, I'd never remember anything.)

1) Schick's Intuition razor is the most excellent hygeine product I have ever tried. Seriously, it makes the pain in the @-- chore of shaving one's legs very very easy and my legs feel so good right now, i could almost swear they're not mine.

2) Trigger is an excellent horse. Have I said that before? I took him on a 3 hour trail ride, his first in a month, and he did so good!! I know that's gramatically incorrect and I should say so well but good is what he did, so there.

3) And Ok, I will post the second installment of the Marriage Made in Hell before I leave for NC in the morning. I will be out of town until the 28th, so the Junction won't be updated after tonight. See you after Christmas...

A Marriage Made in Hell- Part 1

In answer to numerous requests.. here is part one in a series of truly frightening wedding photos, culled from decades of snapshots that have been sitting in a box somewhere for ages. Our first example is this monstrosity.. Peach Nylon. This dress looks like a nightgown. And the flowers are fake. In fact, I think this same bouquet graced the top of our bookshelf, then later the entertainment center for at least 15 years after this wedding took place. Check out the matching clump of "silk" flowers on her head. I have no idea whose wedding this is, but whoever it was had awful taste.. either that or a vendetta against everyone in the wedding party. Honestly, can you think of a fabric that is as unflattering to anyone's figure than NYLON??? Note the spiffy matching peach tux. It gives me nightmares.
And here we have Farmer Johnson's four unmarried daughters, dragged out of bed to hold some flowers for a photo op. My mother is second from the left, and doesn't look half bad, considering the hideous dress. I remember playing dress up with this one as well, for years and years before finally figuring out that the ugly was rubbing off. Note the shadow of the photographer in the left corner. Or is that a suitor admiring the Farmer's daughters from afar, out of range of the Farmer's shotgun? Hard to tell, really. I don't know whose wedding this was either.
This, children, is what we thought of when someone said "floppy" in the old days before computers. There must have been a scene at the Parlor Bridal Store when the bride realized that there was only one bridesmaid dress left in her color of choice, and that her other two hapless bridesmaids and flower girl would have to wear a totally different color. And the tuxedo store didn't have pink to match them, either. So 1/4 of the wedding party doesn't match. Oh well, maybe no one will notice...

This was the height of JW society weddings.. A KH wedding. I can think of no place less romantic, less aesthetically pleasing, less amenable to thoughts of wedding-night bliss than a Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses. Especially back in the old days, when there was no decorating committee for new KHs, who ensured a harmonious (if dated) color scheme. Back then the Sisters in the congregation decorated the Hall.. with homemade curtains and chairs salvaged from condemned movie theatres (but NEVER pews! Pews are pagan!).

Check back soon for another installment. I have some real doozies for you next time!

Not Cute At All

I know this is a departure from the cute pictures of late, but sometimes the past is more horrid than you remembered. Such is the case here: The Grandparents haven't changed that much. Gf has gained some weight, for sure, and Gm has lost some. But they still dress the same and look pretty much the same. Some people are Universal. I, however, am not.

The Yellow Bow of Doom is once again in evidence. This picture was taken in New York and I thought I was Hot Stuff because on this particular day, I got away with wearing PANTS on the tour!!! Several older "brothers" tried to call me a boy because they felt my wearing pants was inappropriate, but I dazzled them into stunned silence with my Yellow Bow and my Enormous Bangs. They were simply no match for me. Note that I resemble a Checker Cab in that sweater.

I was about 14-15 in this picture. The Big Bangs are still in evidence, but are apparently on the decline. Or else they've just been defeated by a day of scrubbing the horse (who NEVER got completely clean and always rolled in the mud afterward anyway) and shoveling out the barn.

The horse is Amara, a 3/4 Polish, 1/4 Egyptian Arabian mare who enjoyed keeping me on my toes. I loved that horse much more than any boyfriend I ever had (at that age, anyway. That doesnt include L, naturally). If I had known better, I would have put some sunscreen on her nose.. she has a sunburn in this picture. Amara kept me out of a lot of trouble, I think. And helped me get into some, too. ;-)

The Hills Are Alive.. WIth Old Lady Haircuts

Marriage and childbearing must have really aged my mother. She seems to have converted to full-coverage hyper-modesty the second my sister was born. I think the hairstyle she is going for here is either the Sound of Music or Jane Eyre.. or perhaps an ear-covering combination thereof. Her skin looks lovely though.. even though it's hard to look past the puffed sleeves and the giant neck-bow to notice.

Dad looks badly in need of a nap and a haircut. Little Kimmy has the most adorable arms I have ever seen in this picture. I just want to pinch them.

And then.. this happened. A few years later we see that Dad took his nap and got his haircut. The super-wide tie and its double windsor knot are quite retro. Mom has aged dramatically. This is the first picture with a hint of the downturned-smile that she later became famous for. You know it.. the excuse for a smile that says "I am doing this under duress. I am actually exquisitely miserable and you should feel terrible about yourself for ever expecting me to actually smile." This may have been brought on by the gigantic glasses that are threatening to eat her entire face and the fact that she added a huge neck-bow and polyester blouse to the kicky little ensemble she was wearing at 26. (See "Once Upon a Time.." posted a few days ago).

"Kimmy" is snaggletoothed and adorable. I look vaguely confused and badly in need of a latte. "How did I get here? What's going on? Can somebody direct me to the nearest Starbucks??" Only we didn't have Starbucks back then.

Wow, it really must have been worse than we remember, huh? ;-)

Bathing Beauties and Other Oddities

Would you ever think that these two would grow up to be pin-up girls? Yeah, they were wild women from the start.. their own grandmother decided that they were "Arabian mares in heat" when at the tender age of 17 or so they wanted to shave their legs and trade their pinafores and lace collars for straight skirts and big hair. Ah, such is life.

This picture was taken before most of the splashing commenced.

This is my sister, in costume. You might think this was a Halloween costume, only we never celebrated Halloween. Or it could be a costume for a play or a school event, except that we weren't allowed to do any extra-curricular activities at that age. No, dear readers, this get-up was what my sister was required to wear as a flower girl in someone's wedding. You should see the atrocities worn by the bridesmaids!

And the ginormous hat worn by the bride defied gravity. One of these days I will post some Wedding Pictures from the Planet Ugly... even if I can't remember whose weddings they were (if I was even born at the time), the pictures are unbelievable.

Un. be. lievable.

Santa Claus is Coming to Town

I've got a major project to finish this week, before Christmas. Oy. I planned on completing it this weekend, but that didn't happen. MM visited, though, and it was really cool to see him. He is loading horses and taking them home to Darlington today.

I'm feeling like sleeping today, not working. I'm listening to Michael Buble and trying to get in the mood to be productive, but I'm not really sure that's ever going to happen today.

I went to see TO in the hospital Friday. He's doing well and will probably go home today.

I went dancing with Margo (not her real name) Friday night. That was a ton of fun.. Some Italian guy tried to pick her up.. he was definitely not attractive, but he dressed well. We left him at the bar looking disappointed. ;)

Later: More pics from the musty archives.

Once Upon a Time..

Here we have our parents' wedding reception, before we were ever thought of. It was held in the K-ville Woman's Club, where every wedding reception, shower, graduation, or event was held. Even the Hee Haw party. I remember that place as being very echoey and always full of dusty sunlight.. and there was always a little bowl of pastel mints sitting on a table somewhere. Dad looks too young to shave and mom looks young and alive and non-frumpy.. even though Gm did make her dress.
Here's that dress now.. old, yellowed, and the victim of my childhood dress up trunk for years. It now hangs in my craft room closet alongside my ball-and-chain halloween costume and a suit which is too small for me, but which I can't bring myself to get rid of. (Gawd that was an atrocious sentence, but oh well.)

And then... this happened. On the back of this picture, my mother wrote that she was 26 years old when it was taken. Now, I ask you, does this look like a 26-year-old woman? She dyed her hair gray for chrissakes! She almost looks younger than that now! But oh, it got much much worse. Trust me, you'll see.. I have more pictures to post. But I will save them for later.

Note that this is possibly the only picture in existence in which her arms are bare and she is actually sporting a v-neckline and not a chicken-neck collared blouse and jacket that covers every possible centimeter of skin. The scarf is kind of kicky and completely out of character. Cute, but unusual for her. I would love to be able to go back in time and give her a good strong talking to. "Girra, we gon hafta do sumpin' bout dis. You cain go roun lookin like dat. It jest wrong."

Hmm, if our childhood was such a comedy of errors, can you imagine what hers must have been like?? LOL I shudder to think...

Edited to say that she is pretty lovable, frumpiness notwithstanding. She drives us insane, but she is lovable. For every crazy, neurotic thing she has done, she has done something equally sweet and she has loved us with everything she had. She's just ... weird and she can't help it.

A Few Questions

Yesterday was largely unremarkable. Today looks like more of the same. Trigger is doing better, though not ready to ride just yet. And I...

I have a list of very good questions:

1) Why on earth are there so many stupid, stupid, stupid commercials on TV right now? There are several that just make me want to vomit on impact. At the very least, I'd rather trim my toenails with my teeth than buy their products! "Honey, the pizza guy made a mistake AGAIN! I got three pizzas for the price of ONE!" delivered by a pasty looking white guy with bad hair who is hugging pizza boxes and weaving back and forth in some ecstatic butt-shaking pizza dance. The best part is when it shows the rest of the "family" while they're chowing on the pizza.. there is no way that beautiful woman would ever marry such a putz. I am embarrassed for her that she had to be in a commercial with him. Bleah.

2) Why would anyone buy cheap furniture that they don't start paying for until 2008? I mean, come on, think, people! By the time you start paying for it a) you owe more in interest than you paid for the furniture, and b) the cheap crap you bought has already fallen apart, been shredded by the cat, or has otherwise taken its place on the curb beside the garbage cans. Now you're stuck paying.. and paying... and paying for something that's already used up, and now you are without decent furniture again. Stupid commercials, for stupid people, I guess. (The lesson here is to spend the money for quality merchandise.. it's better to get rid of something because you are tired of it and can afford something new than because it has fallen apart).

3) Does anyone like the new McDonald's ad campaign? I guess it's not really new.. they've been doing the "I'm lovin it" thing for a while now. I rolled my eyes over the "salad poetry" thing they were doing, but the latest ones I've seen are just ...mentally challenged. The girl in the commercial is attractive enough. I'll give her that. She's kinda funky and cool. But I swear if I ever saw anyone making those facial expressions and doing that stupid head-bob dance over fast food, I think I'd have to call the nice young men in their clean white coats to come and take her away, ha ha. The ranch dressing coating her lips in the last frame is just disgusting to me for some reason. I mean it literally makes my stomach turn. Don't know why. It's just gross.

Oy.

My questions ended abruptly when I looked out the window just now and saw a man walking through the parking lot in what looked like a bathrobe. He was way too old to be a student, and maybe it was a very peculiar trenchcoat thing he was wearing.. but it certainly looked like pajamas and a bathrobe to me.

God I love working at college. ;-D

Higher and Deeper

I never believed the old saying about a PhD standing for "piled higher and deeper" until today. Wow. It's as if an advanced degree immediately imbues the recipient with a boundless ego, an incredible sense of superiority, and a gross belief in entitlement. Oh, and arrogance is a character trait to be cultivated. *insert eye roll here*

Sheesh. Today was a small nightmare. That's all I have to say about that.

I'm going to see Trigger. He is sending telepathic messages that he wants petting and his foot needs a soak.

The Attack of the Giant Hairbow and Other Abnormalities

This is almost a compulsion now. Seriously. Cracks me up, too. Here we have my baptism photo. The girl beside me is named Amaryllis. We sat beside each other during the "babtizum" talk. I was 12 and she was 13. In fact, I turned 12 exactly 12 days before the assembly where I was dunked. I also got counseled for my "immodest" bathing suit, pictured here, when we got back to our home congregation. I ask you, how much more "modest" can a bathing suit be?? Should I have worn woolen pants and a burqa, perhaps? Or maybe a wetsuit? No, a wetsuit would be too tight and therefore revealing. Like it matters when you are 12 and have no figure to speak of anyway!

And come to think of it (not that it matters).. I think I was the only white person there.

So.. anyway, this is photographic evidence of the single biggest mistake I ever made in my life. I got baptized for real (i.e. NOT as a JW) in 2004, but there are no pictures of that one. Just as well.. that was between me and God, and not an indefinite contract binding me in perpetual servitude to a publishing company.

And here we have another classic B. I was 10 or 11 here, probably shortly after my mother bought my first bra. There should be a law that once you have a training bra, you can no longer wear giant bows in your hair. In fact, giant bows should be outlawed on general principle, unless you are some sort of Victorian era child model, or a civil war reenactor or something. And then only under close supervision.

The facial expression in this pic says it all. Just like a lot of my childhood photos, when I was being suffocated by my mother. No, I don't feel like smiling, and no matter what you say you aren't going to make me. Take the damn picture already, if you must. This problem was compounded because I was a very grave and serious child who demanded to be taken very very seriously at all times. This seldom if ever happened.

I mean, look at me, for chrissakes! Who can expect to be taken seriously with a ginormous yellow bow threatening to swallow her head?

Tipping the Scales

Ah, the weekend. It was great, but it's over. Story of my life.
Things that happened this weekend:

1) We went grocery shopping.

2) Our house is clean.

3) Trigger's foot is still sore, but he can sure stand still with one leg in a bucket. He's getting really good at that.

4) A1, A2, and A3, as well as C1 have made a reappearance! Yay! They came over last night for chili and cornbread. A1 and I drank almost 2 whole bottles of wine. Oy.

5) This is for S.. C1 is as cute as ever, only now he has started wearing eyeliner in hopes of charming the folks at Hot Topic into giving him a job. He looks very pretty in it. But rest assured his orientation has not changed and he is as girl crazy as ever.

In other news, I went to the gym today, as I have needed to do for months. Hopefully I can stick with it, because let me tell you, I have started to avoid mirrors. I don't like the way this extra weight looks, and I hate the way it feels. L has disastrously unhealthy eating habits (carb-laden meals at 9 pm) that are bad enough for him, but catastrophic for me. No more, I'm telling you. I'm done. By my birthday, I will see 120 pounds again.

Watch me.

More Ancient Pictues for My Sister

I took Monster to the vet today... He was very unhappy with this state of affairs, and yowled his discontent loudly all the way to the office and the entire time we were there. The staff were all laughing at him because his yowls are so expressive.. and he's so freakin cute. He was a hit with the vet's office for sure. He weighs 12.4 pounds and is a very healthy cat.

So with that update out of the way, it's time for more ancient pictures from the archives... Here I am with Little Miss Muffinhead, probably less than a month old. This is a rare picture from that year. I didn't allow a great number to be taken that year. I had truly horrible hair. Not to mention the graduation from Peter Pan collars to gigantic lacy ones like those my mother wore (still wears.. shudder).
Here's another.. "Keeeyum" in her very "worldly" denim skirt (It was down to her knees for chrissakes!). You know, if you reverse the last 3 letters of denim you get demin!!! Wear denim to the meeting and you're jest axkin to get demonized!!! Kathy gave me her red suit later on.. I wore it for years before my a$$ got too big. It was too old for me, but it didn't have a lace collar, and I was eternally grateful.
Now this is a classic picture!! Everybody looks pretty miserable, huh? What ya wanna bet we were headed to another assembly??? Oh, and all of the major 80s JW requirements are met.. huge collar- check! Giant bows- check! Stockings- check! Boufy, brillo hair- check! Ginormous glasses- check! Strangely shaped dress that involves some sort of hip-emphasizing peplum overskirt thingie- check! We're ready to roll!!!

Trigger-nometry

Here's my boy, with a sore hoof. He's actually standing on the one that's sore in this pic.. so he's doing better. I still can't ride him for a while, though. :(

He's so cute. His winter coat is fully grown in, and it's the longest I've ever seen on a horse. He's actually kind of fluffy. It's adorable. :)

Later: Maybe some more pics from the past. Then again, Maybe not. You'll have to come back to see...

Zebra Project Live!!

Here we are doing a sound check...
And here we are during the show.. We were quite a big hit! I was surprised.
So.. there it is. The first big show has happened. Now it's on to the next adventure, right?

What Day Is It Again??

Tonight is the big show that ZP has been practicing for the last few months. Let's hope all goes well, despite the numerous crises that have already beset us.. MS's wife is sick, ME has tried to quit, CJ has dropped all his equipment on the floor a couple times, and I have been busier than a one legged man in a butt kicking contest.

Trigger's hoof is still sore.. Mr Maw is soaking it every night, and TO has taken the offending shoe off. I'm hoping to go visit him tomorrow.

I promise a better, more interesting blog tomorrow, when the show will be over (and hopefully there will be pics). Until then, I'll be working frantically to make a deadline...

Bang

Reasons why I would like to shoot myself right now:

1) Trigger has an abscessed hoof and is feeling terrible. TO had to remove his shoe, lance his hoof, and drain it. He's dosed up with banamine and hopefully if we soak it in epsom salts every day, it will be better soon. But still.

2) MS is going through a crisis with his wife and a cancer scare. This is terrible news. All you Christians who read this better be praying for them.

3) I have a presentation on wednesday and I am woefully unprepared for it. But I havent been able to work on it because of all of the deadlines. I am going to have to have a talk with my boss.. I am so overloaded that I can't maintain the work anymore. I hate being sloppy, but that's the only way to get to it all anymore.

4) In fact, I didn't even break for lunch today. Grrrrr...

5) Did I mention that I'm supposed to be hosting a Tupperware party on Dec 9? Ha! I don't see that one happening, do you???

I'm going to take a break now. Not a long one, mind you, but I do definitely need one.

I'm Tired. Here's More Pics.

Here we have the Dynamic Duo, the surest recipe for trouble the world has ever seen. W was my bestest friend for almost my entire childhood. We had so much fun together, trying to fish in mud puddles and drainage ditches, chasing each other with worms, frogs, nets, tricycles, pitchforks, and anything else someone was willing to be chased with. This pic looks like a postcard or something. It's just that cute. These two pics are rarities in our collection.. so cute your teeth rot on impact. W's pants are too short, too.

Then we have... this. I may have been four or five in this picture, and already a horse nut. This is pretty much what I look like now, only with boobs and without the dress. And now the horse is much, much taller. And his mane hasn't fallen out. Note the fab avocado green decor.. avocado tablecloth, avocado shag carpet.. and the requisite curlicued picture frame and oil lamp that to my knowledge was never filled nor lit. It was just... there, to make our house look like some sort of avocado green version of Miss Kitty's boudoir.. or at the very least, something out of "Gunsmoke." Note also the snazzy red knee socks. I still love wildly colored fluffy socks.. my sock drawer is stuffed beyond capacity with them. The strawberry print jumper, not so much. Note once again the peter pan collar. Just saying.

My Weekend in the Woods

Well here it is. Mom's house. Note the new ramp for the wheelchair. I arrived Tuesday evening, and GF brought home KFC for the occasion, a special thing according to Mom (the leg and thigh bucket, but special nonetheless). I felt bad telling them that I couldn't eat KFC, so I ate it anyway, and suffered the consequences. I don't think I have been that sick since.. well since the last time I consumed that much grease. Breakfast the next morning was eggs fried in butter and ham grease, with red-eye gravy (translated: grease) and biscuits, which my GF was picked on relentlessly for burning in the toaster oven. According to Mom, he burns everything he cooks. According to mom, he doesn't do anything right, and won't "do anything around the house" just to spite them apparently. Never mind that he is 81 years old and can't stand up without wobbling like one of the weeble people.
Indiana is looking like a stately old lady these days. She is such a good dog. But she is not happy with the state of affairs as they are now.. Not happy at all. She follows Mom's wheelchair as far as she can (she isn't allowed into the house).
Here's Mom on the phone. She's quite a piece of work, let me tell you. She had another appointment on Wednesday which she neglected to tell me about until we were on the highway, about to turn off to go to the main doc's office.. across town from where she wanted to go first. This of course made me furious because I didn't have directions to this other place, and she had plenty of time to tell me before we left, and didn't. Anyway, she seemed to do whatever she could to induce stress.. refusing to wait to try and stand up from the wheelchair until I could get her walker in position, bellowing every time a transfer truck got withing 100 feet of us on the highway, reminding me of the speed limit every 4.2 seconds, and then bringing up "abandonment issues" and "sexual abuse" and being generally melodramatic about any and every thing. I love her.. she just wears me out. And that's before she starts on the "give me five years!!' speech.

"Give me five years" is what she says when she wants someone to walk away from their entire life for the next five years to do nothing but wait on her, cook her food, and empty her bedpan. I'm sorry, but I am not a primary caretaker. I can't physically or mentally handle the stress of doing that hands-on. There are home health people that come there to help, as well as a nurse and a physical therapist. Sure, it would be great if they had someone 24-7, but I can't be that person. I tried to explain to her how unfair and absolutely insane it was to ask me or my sister to give up getting married, having children, graduate school, a career, everything to do something that would make us want to commit suicide within 3 days!

I will be there for her in any way I can, but she fights me every step of the way, and I cannot be what she wants. Even if I tried, I would never get it right enough for her, just like GF.

Speaking of whom.. He had some skin lesions removed from his head. I don't think they were cancer, but the doc wanted them off just in case.

This picture makes me sad, because every time I look at it, I think why why why didn't they plan for retirement so they could have enough money to live on without scraping???

And here's mom's world these days.. recliner, potty chair, walker, and wheelchair. The good news is that she has a new surgeon at Duke who is willing to fix her hip. He said that he can do the surgery 4-6 weeks from now, depending on whether or not she has cleared the MRSA infection, and how high they can get her blood counts in that time.

All in all, it was a good trip, I guess, gastronomic difficulties and stress notwithstanding. I must have moved a ton of furniture and boxes in the shed getting out the wicker furniture for the sunroom. Mom was shouting directions from her perch on the golf cart ("don't do this! No! DO that! Ooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhaarrrrrrggggghhh!). Grandmother asked me to move a cast iron daybed (OMG it weighed more than the SUV I was driving!) and then a huge rock the size of a tabletop. After the bed, I said that ain't gonna happen today. I now understand GF.. they are asking for feats of superhuman strength for one person to accomplish, and when someone says no, well, they "refuse to help." Aha. I understand now.

Needless to say, I almost cried when I got home, so happy was I to be there.

Yesterday I went Christmas shopping. Today I am going riding, if Trigger is feeling up to it. He has been under the weather with a nail in his hoof from being shod. The farrier pulled it yesterday and Mr Maw soaked the foot for me. Hopefully Trig will be back to normal today, so I can ride with the group.

L isn't up yet.. He is sleeping in, amazingly enough.. I am the one who woke up early today, for some reason. :)

NC Bound

Reasons why today should be interesting:

1) Trigger is moving to his new home at Brookbend in Clemson.

2) I have about 40 million things to do before I leave for NC, and then I have to drive Mom to Duke tomorrow. Now I am sure that some people will think of me as a horrible person for really not wanting to drive my mother anywhere, but then.. if those people had to be raised by my mother and her ever-present neuroses, then they wouldn't want to go there either.

3) Mom seems to be on a religious kick lately.. My sister reports that Mom wants to ask a "brother" (translated, a JW zealot) to ride with us to Duke, ostensibly to help me with the wheelchair. If she could find a "brother" to take her to Duke, why the hell am I going again? And to add insult to injury, this person she wants to take along would probably refuse to speak to me the entire trip because I'm DF'd (translated: not a JW, but I used to be). Either that or preach at me, and honestly, I'd prefer silence. To top it all off, Mom hasn't mentioned this to me at all.. just my sister. Which means she plans to spring it on me, just like usual.

Just like the time I drove to Colorado to help her move, and she didn't rent a truck for me to haul the stuff back like she promised she would, so I was stuck out there with no way home. That one cost me $800.

Just like every other time she started acting weird and "the brothers" showed up to "counsel me." She'd better not, that's all I have to say. If I get there and there's some JW there, I am going to turn around and go home. Do not pass go, etc etc.

Well I'd better get with it.. I have to pack some clothes and dry my hair and get out to the barn in time to meet TO.

Thanksgiving Recap

I'm back! I am sure all of my readers (all two of you) have been waiting with bated breath to hear about my adventures in Tallahassee, and I'd hate to disappoint, so..

We had a pretty decent drive down, avoided the worst of the traffic. At one point during the drive I was laughing about our hands being the same size, when he asked me what my ring size is. Hm. Well. When we arrived, L's mom had the biggest ham I have ever seen in the oven. Thanksgiving day was a HUGE feast.. people kept showing up with more and more food, until there was no more fridge or counter space, and we were all sitting around semi-comatose. L set up the inflatable movie screen and watched movies with all the kids until it got too cold.

Friday L and I went to see "Bobby".. the new movie about the assassination of Robert Kennedy in 1968. It was a good movie. My mother would love it. L said (and I agree) that they seemed to go out of their way to make every woman in the movie look old and worn out, though. Anyway, Friday evening we met one of L's friends for drinks... I drank Cider Jack and ate one of the best bleu cheese and horseradish burgers I've ever had. Fries weren't bad either.

Saturday, L took off to the football game with his friends, and I was left to my own devices with his mother and sister and niece. Here's where things got interesting. ;) We must have gone to every yard sale on the eastern seaboard. We saw lots of dirty clothes for sale, lots of broken toys and tole painted wooden cutouts that said "Bless this Country Kitchen" and crap like that. I'd zip through pretty quick and be ready to head on back to the car, but L's mom likes to look at and consider every single item, as if every object in the universe were special. R, K, and I spent lots of time sitting in the car. The trunk filled up quickly.

After we exhausted the supply of yard sales, we started on thrift stores, and after those were done, we went to lunch at Wendy's, where L's mom tried my own fast-food creation.. french fries dipped in Frosty. She liked it, much to her surprise. L's niece recently got engaged, so there was much talk about wedding plans and much probing about what I thought about weddings and marriage, etc etc etc.

After lunch we went to Target, where we stayed for most of the decade. So L's mom turns to me in the middle of the baby section where we were looking for newborn baby sized socks for L's sister's dog (!) and says, "So.. what color of furniture will you have in your nursery?"

I stuttered a little bit, trying not to let out the guffaw that was threatening to burst out of my mouth. Forgetting a step, aren't we?? I wanted to laugh, but restrained myself. After all of the thinking I've done about the M-word lately, this all struck me as incredibly funny. I muttered something about "that could be ten years from now."

She stopped, open mouthed, and said "Oh dear, but my L would be fifty!!! That just won't do!" I tried to explain that I wasn't in any hurry, etc etc, that the ball was in his court, whatever. "Well is this because you aren't in a hurry, or because he's not? We need more grandchildren and I am getting to be an old lady!!!"

The funniest part was relating this conversation to L later. I thought he was going to have a stroke, he was laughing so hard. Then he told me about how his mom asks him if he has anything special to tell her every time they talk. How everyone expects a proposal at any moment. Kinda made the whole thing seem even funnier.

Anyway, tomorrow it's back to work and Tuesday I'm moving Trigger (who I missed terribly while I was gone) and then going to NC to take Mom to the doctor. When I get back, we're getting our Christmas tree and doing the shopping....

Happy Turkey Day!

I thought I wouldn't be able to post from Tallahassee, but there is Internet access, though much slower than what I'm used to at home. L's mom is cooking a giant ham and pies and cobbler and sweet potatoes and so many other things I can't keep track.

The dogs are sitting out in the yard peering in at us through the sliding glass doors, hoping we'll come outside to play with them, or else let them in. I'm feeling pretty crappy, still, but hopefully my ears will clear up soon. I will be extra-thankful if they do.

I'll still probably be out of the loop for the rest of the week, since we'll be here until Sunday. Hope everybody has a great Thanksgiving!!

Happy Turkey Day

I'm leaving for Florida in about 15 minutes, so you won't hear from me for about a week.. Have a great Thanksgiving, and we'll catch up when I get back. :)

Busy B

Today has been hectic in a way that only workdays before a holiday can be. Classes to teach, deadlines to meet, 5000 phone calls every hour, double that in emails, and at the bottom of it all a happiness in knowing that this workweek is going to be over tomorrow. :)

Last night we went to watch T.O. rope cows with a bunch of other guys. We watched one guy beat his horse in the head with his rope because he missed a throw he felt he should have caught. Because somehow that's the horse's fault, right? Pfft! We saw another guy's horse slip and fall, landing on the rider's leg. Luckily no one was hurt. And T.O. is something else to watch. He rides with no hands, basically, and when he's throwing the rope, it looks like he and the horse are one creature, not two. It's really cool. I took some pics, but I haven't uploaded them yet. Maybe I can post them tomorrow.

Tonight is band practice, then home for some leftover chili (L makes awesome chili, y'all. His chili and my cornbread make for a very good dinner!) Tomorrow, work and then play-- I'm going to see Trigger and try out my new saddle that T.O found for me (it's really cool.. pics of that tomorrow too.. or maybe wednesday.)

I Am Not the Brightest..

I posted a few more 1980s pics with lots of commentary, but I put it on the "Pic of the Day" blog, and Blogger won't let me copy and paste it onto this one. So if you want to read it, go there and then come back. :)

I had a truly bizarre dream this morning. I was at an Assembly (It's a JW thing, y'all. be glad you don't understand) and there was this dark haired, pimply guy who was following me around. He kept walking so close behind me that I could feel him pressing against the whole length of my body. Every time he touched me, he left a coating of oil so thick I couldn;t wipe it off, and it made me so sick. Mom and the Elders were trying to force me to marry him, and he kept trying to "direct me" and tell me what to do. We went outside the auditorium and it started raining really hard and the building changed somehow. I knew that the only way to get away from Grease Boy was to climb over this rickety rope bridge thing that led to a tiny door high up in the side of the building. Everybody was trying to climb it, and people kept falling off into the murky water far below.

I climbed and climbed and finally made it to the door. I was sure that my school was on the inside and once I got there I would be safe. Some lady was telling me about a black man who took his two kids into peoples' houses and then raped the women when they came home from the store, and I was trying to figure out why she was telling me that while dangling off a rickety rope bridge, but I struggled through the door which got smaller as I tried to fit through it. There was a ladder that led down into a kitchen, and there were nails sticking out of every surface. I finally made it down, only to realize that I was in a house, not a school, and that the black man and his kids were in the living room.

"We've been waiting for you" they said, and I offered to make them a sandwich as if they were guests. Somehow I made a break for it and ran down the street (it was still raining). I happened upon a party that was going on and ran inside. All of the people there were middle aged, drunk. There was an older guy there who started doing the exact same thing that Grease Boy was doing, only he didn't leave the oil behind. Still, I wanted out of there, but when I took off again, they chased me.

I ended up with a black girl, building a tower out of sheet metal, where she did some kind of rain dance or something, to fool the people who were chasing us into thinking that we were angels or something. She was an awesome dancer. While she danced, I actually forgot that this was supposed to be a nightmare, until she fell off the tower and went splat, so i had to finish the dance, and all I could seem to do was the hoe-down stomp. When I looked down, I could see the people below starting to dismantle the tower.

I felt a hand on my ankle, and looked down to see a woman lying on the floor of the tower. A big fat woman in a hot pink terry housedress, with truly horrible teeth and short frizzy hair. "They're all crazy" she said, and kept trying to kiss me. "I'm the only one who can keep you safe" she said. And she was. I knew she was.

I woke up at 7:14 am, shuddering and nauseous. Forget going back to sleep after that! I have to figure out what causes those crazy dreams and stop doing it. Bleh.

Later: Watching TO rope cows, and another new saddle for Trigger..

Long Ago and Far Away..

If Joe can do it, so can I!
Post old pictures, that is. The past can be quite fascinating.. case in point:

This is my sister and me, circa 1981 or 82.. possibly even 1983, I'm not sure. I am sure that we both began our caffeine addictions early, since every picture from this particular vacation to Florida shows us sucking down some sort of cola. Note the Holiday Inn in the background. We thought we were the sh!t because we were staying in the HI. Also note that our mamma dressed us really funny, even for early 80's standards.

Or how about this one? We're a little older here, playing with puppies in front of the old barbecue pit at our grandparents' house. The pit could have been pretty cool, if it hadn't always been full of leaves and garbage and clippings from grandmother's plants. They burned the trash in it instead of actually using it for barbecue. Note my sister's groovy shoes. And giant glasses. Note also that she is violently allergic to anything with fur.. except mink, apparently. ;)

Our final specimen for this evening involves what is quite possibly the strangest family portrait ever made. Dad looks quite dapper in his suit and sweater, and absurdly young. Mom looks like.. Mom. Puffy hair, chicken-neck collar (God forbid any skin be showing. I think my mother would have loved it if burqas had been popular in 1980s North Carolina). She was almost horrifically modest. And she dressed us funny.

My sister is obviously already planning her escape. Either that or the Elizabethan ruff she's been stuffed into is choking her and she's already gone delirious. I'm the one in red, whose hair is parted and yanked back so severely that she looks Chinese. Well, a blonde, gap-toothed Chinese then. In a Peter Pan collar.

That red dress had a bell sewn into the hem. I remember trying to walk so that it would "twinkle twinkle" everywhere I went. I imagine that this was profoundly irritating to everyone who had the misfortune to be in the room with me, but then that was usually the case anyway, so what difference would one little bell make?

Ohhh, yeah. And I have more where that came from.

New Music Night

Tonight was NSAI night at Coffee Underground in Greenville. If you're looking for new, original music, Acoustic Seen (in the listening room at CU) is THE place to go. Tonight we heard from the awesome Hannibal Jones and numerous other members of the songwriters' group (but not yours truly.. I have been far too lazy to perform anything of my own at a songwriters' night. I haven't written anything worth performing in quite some time, IMO).

There was a new duo there tonight and ... wow. Shawn James. Check her out. She has a voice like good coffee and sex and honey and every old time jazz singer you've ever heard all rolled into one. She's unbelievable.

Tomorrow: Observations on putting down roots, All about Trigger on the trails, and the New Mulch Pile that has taken over the driveway. Stay tuned!

It's Friday, and you know what that means!

Trail Riding!!

Despite the fact that I am a little under the weather. Dr. P diagnosed bilateral ear infection and a sinus infection yesterday, for which he prescribed the usual Amoxicillin for 10 days. But as anyone can attest, it takes one hell of an infection to keep me still for any length of time. I went straight back to work from the doc's office (with a little detour at the pharmacy to tank up), and this morning I'm going riding.. I'll carry my meds and some kleenex in the saddlebag. :)

My new computer is in, finally. Alas, I am typing this on L's old desktop comp, because mine is still being set up at work. I should be able to pick my new one up this afternoon, should I choose to do so.. But maybe a laptop-less weekend wouldn't be such a bad thing. Hm.

And I'm Off! Later: Coffee Underground's Nashville Songwriters' Association night= guys I know playing original songs + excellent lattes.

Another Boring Post

It's raining.

It's been another busy day, but not as bad as yesterday.

I fell off my diet today. That didn't last long. I can't resist hot fries when I go out to lunch. Of course, it would probably be wise to stop going out to lunch if I am trying to diet. Ugh.

I think I'll go ride Trigger in the rain for a while.

Torture Tuesday

Today has been without a doubt one of the most frustrating days on record.

I need a good stiff drink and some love.

But then alcohol has too many empty calories...
ehhhh, screw it.

Terror on Monday Morning

This morning as I was getting ready for work, I had the most terrifying experience of my life.

I glanced in the mirror while putting on my pants and saw my mother's hips. Smaller, maybe, but definitely there.

Dear God, have mercy on me. Haven't I been through enough?

I am declaring a jihad against the fat and going on a diet. This time there is no choice. I have seen the enemy, and it is us.

Ack.

Friends Like That

I don't really know why I bother trying to have female friends anymore. Honestly, it seems like I had a brief, golden year where it was possible for me to have a lot of girlfriends.. and then they all faded away or went psycho and it ended just like that.

A1 has kinda gone MIA.. J went nuts.. H went nuts.. I mean, wow. The major exception to this has been the girls at work, who are as awesome as ever.. but then we see each other so much during the week that we all kinda go our own ways on the weekend.

This whole thing isn't that bad when you put it in perspective, because all my male friends seem to be normal and considerate and would never cancel plans with me for some guy. LOL

What brings this whole thing up? Well today was the Parelli show, which I have been planning to attend with several friends for a year. A1 and A3 can't come, which is understandable.. they haven't been able to do anything with me for months now. Seems like I'd get the message by now, doesn't it? I think they are mad at me for moving Trigger.. but it was only a matter of time before he seriously hurt one of the kids, with the arrangement we had. I'd rather have them mad at me for moving him than mad at me because my horse killed someone. Anyway.

What annoys me beyond all belief is the one "friend' who did show. She called me last night to say that she wasn't coming after all... she was ditching me for her slimy ex husband who just called and said to pick him up at the airport, he was coming to visit. SO then this morning she says that she is going to come after all, and that she is bringing this other girl that she has invited.. and she'll need me to get her a ticket. (wtf, anyone?)

When I get to the venue she runs up to my the window of my car, effectively stopping all traffic into the parking lot, demands her tickets, and then takes off inside without so much as a "thanks." When I finally get inside, it takes me a few minutes to find her.. and her ex (a hatchet faced, pockmarked neanderthal who scowled at me in thanks for his free ticket, and who wasn't invited). I had agreed to loan her one of my extra halters and leads for her horse, which I will probably never see again, and she was supposed to order something for me from her Advocare account (it's a home based business like Pampered Chef or Tupperware, only it's vitamins). I asked her for the product a month ago and I've called her 5 times since to arrange to get it from her and pay her for it. Today was #6.. she got my halter and lead, but I didn't get my stuff.

And to top it all off, she left after about 30 minutes at the show. She handed me her entry slip for the prize drawing and said to put it in for her and bring her any prize she might win. (wtf, again?) I suppose you can guess where her entry form went, and it wasn't in the entry bucket.

So, am I overreacting to this by thinking that she is quite possibly the rudest person on the planet? Where do I find these people??

I ended up leaving the show early myself (I never enjoy being in huge crowds when I'm by myself) and going to Ruby's for lunch with L (did I mention that I have the best boyfriend in the world?? It's true).

After lunch I took a nap, but I woke up feeling a little sick, so maybe that's why I am particularly cranky today. (It's an illness that causes lots of parentheses and even more italics than usual, obviously). We have a bunch of people coming over to watch the FSU-NC State game tonight, so hopefully whatever I have is not contaigious.

L has made chili and I made some cornbread to go with it, and who knows what everyone else will bring.. so this should be tasty at the very least. :)

Just Saying...

Thursday Starvation List

Another day, another weird mood. So, a list:

1) He really does love me. If I'd stop being such an idiot, I could keep that firmly in mind. Yes, I want him to talk-- but not just about the dreaded M-word. It's something we need to work on.. nothing more, nothing less.

2) My god, I am starving today. I ate my lunch at 10 am because I was just about to die from starvation.

3) I don't feel like working AT ALL. Despite this, I have been quite productive today. Everybody is out sick so there's no distractions really. Aside from the nagging hunger, that is. And the fear of contracting whatever Death-Virus has leveled the rest of the office, but strangely, not me. (Me! Who usually catches everything that comes within a two state radius!)

4) Rollin out of the speakers right now: "You Won't be Satisfied (Until You Break My Heart)" by Louis Armstrong (and it sounds like Billie Holiday singing the female part)...

5) Watched the Biggest Loser last night.. It's a little strange.. but interesting. L and I believe that the hostess lady is pudgy because it would be just too mean if all of the staff corralling the fat people were typical Hollywood airbrushed, too-skinny cardboard perfection types. I would also like to see what actually goes on there, without the artful edits. In all seriousness, what those people are doing is to be admired. The rest of us could stand some power-workouts too. Especially yours truly.

Trigger, however, is in perfect shape.

Tomorrow: Trail riding!

Shouting Into the Void

Ever talk to certain people and just get the feeling that they aren't listening to you? Ever feel like that's very, very intentional? Ever had that person be your boyfriend/girlfriend, wife or husband?

L does this only about certain subjects. General conversation? Sure, fine, we talk about any and everything, as long as it isn't really personal. Money? Yeah, we can talk about money, if I persist long enough. But when it comes to the future, our relationship, his feelings, or anything remotely involving emotional committment.. well you guessed it.

Stone. Wall.

Sometimes I get so tired of shouting into the void, ya know? It's like telling someone your real soul.. opening your heart to someone.. and realizing that they're absolutely not listening. It makes me sad, when we have such a great relationship otherwise.

I'm not saying that I want some declaration of undying love, although that would be nice. I just want him to give something of himself to the relationship.. at least be willing to talk to me. I feel that after 2 1/2 years of dating (and living with him for a year of that time), I'm entitled to at least that much emotional intimacy.

And yes, for the record, I do want to marry him, but I don't want it to be because I forced the issue.

In the words of Jennifer Nettles, "I don't want to if you don't want to."
It would be nice to know one way or the other, though.

Election Day

I think I did 5 tons of laundry this weekend, and already the pile has grown again to at least two loads. I guess I will have to start doing it through the week instead of saving it all for the weekend.

I rode Trigger again yesterday, and finally got to canter him (I should call it "loping" now that I'm riding Western, but that's a hard habit to get into). It was really awesome. I also got to watch my first roping. Guys on horseback chasing cows.. fun stuff, huh?

I have a class to teach in an hour, and proposals to review this afternoon, so it looks like a pretty busy day for me.

Oh, and happy election day..

Busy Being Lazy

L and I have been busy. Friday I took Trigger on a trail ride and he was an absolute angel. No problems whatsoever. Yesterday we went to the Library for new books (I've already read Cell by Stephen King since yesterday-- not his best work, but not bad) and to Bailey's to watch half of the FSU and CLemson games. We went to PetSmart where an employee who looked like a drug addict tried to sell me an English saddle "becuz they's cheaper an it dutten make a differnce, does it?" I gave her a brief lecture on the reason why "cheaper" is much, much worse in the equine world, and why you never try to sell an English rider a Western saddle or vice versa.

They did have a nice Circle Y saddle there for only $900. Too bad I didn't win the lotto or anything.

Then we went to Lowe's and Home Depot and bought plants. Lots of plants. We got Rosemary and Camellias and Gardenias and Azaleas in every imaginable color! Today we planted most of them in the back yard and talked about our plans to build a patio in the "very tippy-back" yard (as my sister and I used to say when we were younguns). The air was crisp and the leaves were all brown and yellow and red and falling all around us. There were black birds in the trees and Canadian geese honking in the field across the creek. It was a very Hallmark afternoon..

Before that, I cleaned the house and L bathed the dogs, and after, he watched football and I worked on my scrapbook. He is now hanging pictures (at last!) on the walls, and I have just put two filets of salmon in the oven.

For Papa Ridgeback's (do not read after 7 pm) Benefit:
Salmon is marinated in Gentleman Jack and brown sugar, topped with pecans, lots of cracked black pepper, parsley, and a touch of garlic.

The best part? The evening isn't over yet.. I have lots of snuggling on the couch left to do, and a new Ron Rash novel to read (Saints at the River.. and if it's as good as One Foot in Eden, I will be reading all night!). And I don't have to work tomorrow.

Guess where I will spend my day?
With Trigger, of course!

Things We Said Today

Here are some things I have noticed/realized/thought of today:

1) It seems that you have to have a negative IQ to be on TV today. Double that if you're a politician. And if you're a politician, you have to assume that everyone else on the planet is fourteen times as stupid as you are. Honestly, sometimes I would really love to move to another country because PC-ness is ruining America.

2) Most people don't know how to communicate the things that are really important to them. Things like what they want for dinner they can handle. What they want to do with their lives, or who they love and why? Forget it. Impossible. And then 90% of people are upset with those closest to them because they can't read minds.

3) I've been "TOO NICE." This has been an issue for me many times in my relationships with people, but this time it has really hit home, and it took a horse to take it there. My horse walks all over me (quite literally) because I am too freaking nice to him. My ex-husband walked all over me because I was too freaking nice to him. I am sensing a pattern here. Sometimes it is okay to be unpleasant (or in the case of the horse, downright nasty) if that's what it takes to get your point across.

I'm just sayin.

Sage Advice

I had lunch with a friend at work yesterday, and she had some really wise insights to offer.

I've heard for years that they way you treat yourself is the way others will treat you.

We took this a little farther in our conversation yesterday. I realized that this is a more concrete concept than I had previously thought. Of course, if you think badly of yourself, that's going to show in the way that you allow people to treat you.. For instance, if you feel unworthy or worthless, then it isn't a stretch for your "friends" to stand you up and then not call or explain or apologize, and not expect anything about the friendship to change.

However, I never thought of the fact that neglecting the physical can have the same affect. Things like not doing your nails and not taking the time to put on your favorite moisturizer or perfume.. not exercising, or eating junk food. If you treat your body like crap, pretty soon you start to feel bad about yourself. It bleeds over into your mental and spiritual life as well (and vice versa).

Hm. Interesting.

TwickelTweat

We ran out of candy last night at around 7:45.. just when the major onslaught of kids hit. We had 150 candy bars, and didn't eat a single one ourselves.. but we could have easily given out three times that in our neighborhood last night .

There were some adorable children out there, too. My Clemson Tigerpaw pumpkin was a huge hit, as were the full size candy bars, the inflatable arch way with the glowing eyes, then graveyard scene in front of the dinig room window, and L's glow-in-the-dark skeleton costume. He scared the crap out of one group of pre-teen boys who thought he wasn't real. One of them started poking his chest and stomach to see what he was made out of, and that's when he let out a particularly lugubrious moan and grabbed the kid's shoulder. It was too funny.

One little boy took one look at the porch and ran in the other direction. I sent his candy out to the street with his sister, who wasn't the least bit scared once she saw the chocolate bars. One group of kids asked if the bones scattered about were real bones.. I said they were Internet bones.

The best trick-or-treater we had, though, was a tiny little boy in a chicken costume. He was probably two feet tall, and his candy bucket was so heavy he was dragging it more than carrying it. He hefted it out in front of him and said, "TwickelTweat Pwease!" Seriously, the kid couldn't have been more than 3. He was adorable.

We had SO much fun giving out candy! Next year we will have to buy a LOT more.

Halloween 2006

At work this year, our theme for Halloween was "Weather Conditions"

The Original Crew .. A Flash Flood Warning, Raining Cats and Dogs, and Hot & Humid..
Yours Truly, the Flash Flood Warning
THE best part of the costume.. My wool socks and L's sandals, which were too big.

Feline Obesity

Yesterday I was sitting at my computer typing away on an email when Monster decided that my shoulder would be a good place to alight. He used to do this when he was a kitten (and much smaller) without any trouble. However, he is a morbidly obese cat of at least 18-20 pounds now.

As I expressed to PR in an email shortly after the event, it was very much like being hit by a furry cannon ball. I was glad that Monster has no front claws. Otherwise I would be shredded and bruised by my beloved pets. Monster needs to lose a few pounds. How does one apply diet and exercise principles to one's cat? Do I chase him around the house for exercise? Ration his chow? (When his buffet is rationed, he tends to bellow his kitty outrage all night. Rrreeoooowwwwwwrrr!!!!!!!)

In other news, the pork profusion has ended. L had steaks marinating last night, bless him. They were very tasty and just what I wanted. And more importantly, they were BEEFY and there was no "other white meat" involved.

In case you haven't noticed, I am very picky about my meat. I like meat. Meat is wonderful! Meat-- it's what's for dinner! It's the breakfast of champions! It's got protein and .. oh ok. I've taken the meat thing as far as it will go. The dogs love it when we have steak for dinner, too. They get scraps and they know it.. and they try to position themselves on the floor at strategic places so maybe you'll trip over them on the way to the table and drop your plate. It hasn't worked for them so far, but hope springs eternal.

Tonight: Band practice again.. and a reply to a short story written by my dear friend Mr. Mysterious, who is being perverse. Strange sometimes to be confronted with what other people really think of you.. especially when it is so different from what you think of yourself. We shall see how my reply is received. I expect to be stonewalled.. but as anyone who has ever tried to stonewall me can certainly tell you, he's wasting his time even trying that. Ve haf our vays of making you talk!

Or maybe not.

Yesterday I went to a full-day band practice, which turned out to be quite an adventure. We practiced in CJ's warehouse, where on weekdays they grind and recycle scrap plastics. We had two huge trailers of sound equipment and we played all day until 5:30 or so. We sounded awesome..

During the rehearsal, a propane tank popped and started leaking into the warehouse, though. We had to drag it outside and by the end of it, we were all lightheaded and high. But at least nothing exploded.

I drug my wounded arm (thanks, Trigger) around like a dead weight most of the day, and consumed copious quantities of Advil. After rehearsal, I had to dress up as a cowgirl for the neighborhood Halloween party. It was quite entertaining, but I was tired and it was an early night.


L looks quite different with his mask on, doesn't he? He didn't wear it long.. because he couldn't drink his beer with it on. Not to mention that the line of vision is quite limited.

This morning I have been lazier than usual, and will probably continue to do so...Except that it's time for lunch and I will probably have to cook something... Hmm...

Maybe Not (or why today was not good)

Hm. So.
My wonderful horse kicked the hell out of me today. So much for progress. I was unhooking a rein from his bit to move it over to the other side, and the next thing I know, he is in the air and coming down on me. I got a hoof in the right arm, which is now black and blue. Trigger got one of the great workouts of his life afterward, and I've spent the rest of the day trying to figure out why he doesn't like me.

As long as TO is present we have no problems. Heck, even the other day without TO present, he was fine. Then today... bang.

When I got home, there wasn't any dinner.. just leftovers that are 3 days old, and L with no comment on what he wanted. So my choices were pork, chicken, or pork. Did I mention that I really don't like pork? Yeah. Especially after a week of it. And what's thawing in the fridge for tomorrow? You guessed it-- pork!

Then, to add insult to injury to insult, I went to sleep tonight, only to have L wake me up apparently just to witness him promptly falling asleep on his back which means he is snoring at 110 decibels and now I can't go back to sleep because I'm now awake and the hoofprint on my arm is sore and I am angry.

*pant pant*

Wow. That was one hell of a run on sentence. Oh, and did I mention that the dog is pawing at the bedroom door? Yeah, that too.

Quickie

I rode Trigger last night.. I tacked him up myself and everything. I have the best horse on the face of the earth. I never would have thought it possible, but he's every bit as good as Gracie was.. and I can love him all I want because he's MINE. :)

I'm going riding again tomorrow.

I have run out of time for today already.. more later.

Tonight: Bruce Hornsby in Spartanburg with L...

Takebacks

Oh. Well then.

I stand corrected. I have NOT been accepted to graduate school after all. I MAY be accepted after I put in a year of work.. but then again, maybe not. Well whatever. I already know that once I get into a classroom they will be more than satisfied with my performance, so I am not going to worry about it.

What I am going to worry about is scoring high on the GRE.

I have a headache, and suddenly today I am in an unexpectedly crabby mood. I need a list to cheer me up. So.. reasons why I am in a crabby mood today:

1) The above
2) Campaign ads. Is ANYONE stupid enough to believe a word of the crap that's running on TV right now? The Democrats are going to give us partial birth abortions on demand? The Republicans are going to add 23% tax on top of what we already pay? PLEASE!! Effing A, people, get with it! All of the claims made in all of the ads I have seen so far have been both utterly false and incredibly stupid. I don't want to vote for any of the candidates.. apparently they all believe that voters are drooling myrmidons who believe everything they see on TV. Grrrr.
3) NCIS was a rerun last night.
4) Every morning my alarm clock goes off too early, and the house is the same temperature as the arctic circle because that's the way L likes it.. with the fan on, no less! So I slog out of the nice warm bed at 5:30 and don't really wake up until around 9:30 after I have been working for 2 1/2 hours already and had 2 cups of coffee, a diet coke, and possibly a Red Bull.

Hm. Maybe I am overindulging in the caffeine? ...Nah. I think I'll go have some chocolate.

Something More Interesting

Oh yeah, I forgot to blog this.. I have at last received my conditional acceptance into graduate school. I only have to take a year of prerequisite classes and the GRE before I can start taking the MS classes.

So yeah, it's gonna take a while. But I've got a while, so that works. You are officially reading the blog of an agricultural economics major. I can feel myself getting more boring already. ;-D

I just made brunswick stew, corn bread, and chocolate pudding... and then ate leftovers for dinner. :) The stew and bread are for an injured, homebound co-worker, the chocolate pudding is for later, and the leftovers were gooooood.

Ok, so this entry was only marginally more interesting than the last.. I promise to do better tomrrow.

Sniffle Sniff

My alarm clock is evil. It roused me out of the most comfortable, warm sleep I've ever had this morning.

It was bone-rattling cold and there was frost on my windshield when I went to work. It has warmed up since, but the air is still on in my building, so I have been in my coat most of the day.

Add to that a modest case of the sniffles and I've got the makings of an early night at home. L reports that we have chicken soup for dinner, so at least there's that.

Later: Something more interesting.

Funniest Thing I Heard Today- Double Dose

1) "I don't know why I would have to get the brakes fixed. I mean, they're not making any noise, and it's not like I'll be doing a lot of stopping."
--my sister, while contemplating a 12-hour drive from FL to SC

2) This, from the girls at Go Fug Yourself:

..reminds me of the last few times I've been shopping, wandering through the racks trying in vain to figure out whether half of what's hanging there is meant to be a dress or a shirt. This happens a lot lately, and it's frustrating, because 90 percent of the time the answer is, "That's a shirt," and I have to put it down and walk away because it's too long to look flattering with jeans yet too short to be worn as a frock, for fear of wearing it in public and completely losing my mystery.

Get Fugly Here..

Just All Right

While working out at the gym during my lunch break, something occurred to me. I don't know what thought preceded this one other than the usual "I'm tired, I want my lunch, and why the heck do I do this to myself again?" Well, actually it became a series of thoughts, sort of a tying together of all of my recent little revelations about myself and the error of my ways.

First of all, I'm really okay the way I am. There is no need for me to go back to the ridiculous crash dieting and general insanity that I have been trudging back into over the last few months. I need to do two things: accept that there isn't anything wrong with me and be healthy. Work out every day, but don't be an idiot about it. Seems like I would have learned that already.

The second thing that occurred to me is that other people's opinions don't really matter. What matters are God's opinion and your own opinion, in that order and in rapid succession.

If God isn't okay with you, you will have no peace (and believe me, he has a way of letting you know. And no, it is nothing like you think). If you can't live with yourself, you will have no peace. Everything else is just a waste of your valuable time and energy.

So.. for me the big deal has been finding my "I."

It's very sad to me how many women live their whole lives with no idea of what they think or what they want or what the point is. Just taking the path of least resistance with no idea of why they are unhappy, and teaching their kids how to do the same, ad infinitum, the end.

Aha. Peace about something that has bothered me for quite some time.

Goodwill...

L's parents visited this weekend. I spent a lot of time with his mother, who is just precious. Seriously, she's great. I've never seen anyone in my life who sincerely enjoys everything as much as she does. L is a lot like her in a lot of ways.

We went to the giant mega-Goodwill store.. they weigh their merchandise when you check out and charge you 99 cents per pound. Everything is thrown into giant bins and you have to dig for it. We spent a couple of hours there, but I ended up getting 6 shirts, a sweater, and a belt for $1. And we're talking about name brands.. Gap. Limited. Express. 9 West. Aeropostale. American Eagle.

Pretty cool...

They've gone home now, and tonight is band practice again. Last night I talked with PR on the phone for a while. It's always good to talk to him.. he has a very unique perspective on just about everything. And an utter inability to decipher the machinations of certain women.

I've got lots of other stuff to write about today, but unfortunately not much time in which to write it, so I'll have to come back later. Right now.. too much paperwork to review. :(

Early Halloween Party Pictures...

I'm sorry, but L was by far the cutest guy there. ;)
JR liked my ball costume. Here he is wearing my chain.
The old ball and chain....

Friday with Trigger..

I spent the day with TO again yesterday. I rode Trigger for another couple of hours, and if I thought he was good last week, well.. wow. Now he flexes his neck all the way around so that his nose touches my toe using only leg cues, and he stays there until i tell him to move.

He moves a lot smoother and is a lot calmer. TO says I might be able to canter him next week! And did I mention that he looks like a show horse now? Oh yeah! TO clipped all his shaggy whiskers off and trimmed out his ears and put shoes on his feet and everything. He looks fantastic!

We're hoping to plan a trail ride sometime soon, and I'm looking for a good saddle..

And every time I go out to see him, Trigger is a better horse. TO told me yesterday that I easily sell him for $3K right now.. but he'll never be for sale if I can help it. :)

Thursday....

I wish I could take some of the stuff that was crammed into my workday today and spread it out over about a two-week period. I had two long meetings, and a deadline that was looming exceptionally large when the agent submitting the proposal called me with narrative changes at 5:05. The UPS guy leaves at 5:15, no takebacks, and I hadn't even made copies yet.

Sheesh! People!

L is going to pick up some pizza for dinner. There's beer in the fridge and two very happy dogs running around play-fighting over a new toy they were given today. I have to pause to think that life is really okay as long as the dogs are happy.

Little insignificant things get my attention sometimes.. happy dogs, Monster purring.. the fact that L does... well, everything he does. It's probably stupid, but sometimes L really makes me stop and say.. "wow.."

Let's be honest.. J (let's call him numbnuts from now on, shall we? I think we shall) nn would never have agreed to eat Hawaiian pizza just because I like it.. much less gone to get the pizza while I sat here blogging on his computer. But the truth is I don't really care much what nn would or wouldn't have done anymore.. just pops through my mind every now and then.

SO.. that's the blog for today until I think of something else to say.

I'm Not Lucky

I talk to my sister on the phone a lot. Mostly these conversations are alike: there's no money, no friends, no support, they're turning the power and the phone off because the bill can't be paid, and all that means is stress, misery, and more misery for everyone involved. I talk about what's going on in my life about half as much as as my sister talks about what's going on (or not) in her life.

That's okay.. she can get most of the things I would talk about from reading my semi-daily missives here at the Dysfunction Junction. But every once in a while I catch that note in her voice.. It's sad, it's wistful.. it says "You're so lucky." I think the words have even come out a few times.

Well as I said before, I am hardly perfect. Hardly an example for anyone to follow. Lord knows I have made my share of idiotic mistakes. The point is that right now I am living exactly the life I want to live. Right Now. Sure there are things I still want to do, but that's okay, because I've still got a lot of life left to live. Sure, I screw up.. everybody does. If you never screw up, you never learn anything. The important thing is that I am the person I want to be. And I have the secret to being who you want to be... right now. Here it is: are you ready??

I'm not lucky.

I'm not lucky at all. Not even a little bit. Every little piece of my life right now is the result of a little faith and a lot of cold, hard planning. It's like Pat Parelli says (get ready for the P's!):

Prior and Proper Preparation Prevents Piss-Poor Performace.

Or, if you fail to plan, you are planning to fail.

Or, you only get one life. Live it ON PURPOSE.

Everything is a choice. You choose what kind of day you have every day. Other people can influence that, but only you can control it. You choose the clothes you put on, and in so doing you choose the impressions that people will likely have about you from the moment they see you for the first time. They can either see somebody who has their sh!t together (even if you don't feel it, you can look it, and 90% of people will never know the difference) or they can see somebody who isn't who she wants to be.

You alone choose how to behave and how to react to every situation. You can choose to let things happen. You can choose to make a mountain out of a molehill, or a molehill out of a mountain range. You can choose to get angry and scream and break things (and people); you can choose to look like an idiot at best, and go to jail eventually at worst, and nobody can do a thing about it. But the fact remains that you are in control of and responsible for your own behavior.

Alcohol can be a factor (and lord knows I can't throw any stones over making an alcohol induced scene! Been there, done that..) but in the end, you are the one who decides whether or not you will drink, and how much. Alcohol, sex, and drugs are like money in that either you can control them, or they can control you. It's that simple.

You decide who you allow into your life. And guess what? Most people don't deserve a place in your heart. Cold? Yep. But I've seen first hand what an unworthy "friend" can do to your life. The same applies to dating relationships. Just because someone is "hot" or "sexy" doesn't mean he deserves a place in your life, your heart, or even your bed. Hell, especially your bed. Or, substitute "hot" or "sexy" for "rich".. the same applies.

You decide how people will treat you.. not based on how you treat them, but on how you treat yourself. A person who respects herself does not treat herself badly. She doesn't put herself in dangerous and shameful situations. She doesn't have unsafe sex or "casual" sex.. because come on everybody knows that for a woman, sex is never casual. She doesn't allow toxic people to worm their way into her life, and once she's kicked a toxic person to the curb, she slams the door on their bad influence and doesn't look back! She doesn't use coersion or manipulation or intimidation or her body to get what she wants. A woman who respects herself learns how to get what she needs on her own power, without sacrificing her self respect.


You decide how responsible you will be; whether you will choose a viable source of income and whether you will do whatever it takes to earn your financial freedom. You decide whether you will go to work every day, or whether you will wake up one day and say "I just don't feel like it today.." "I don't feel like it" is NEVER a good excuse for being irresponsible. I do a lot of things that I wish I didn't have to do.. but it's part of being responsible. I know that if I want a particular result in my life, certain things have to happen.. and I am the one who makes things happen in my life.

You decide what your financial situation will be; either you work hard and live within your means even if it means taking a step back from the lifestyle you feel entitled to, or you screw yourself at every turn. Either you pay yourself first and have a real, workable plan for your life, or you flounder around waiting for the power to be turned off.. again. I used to wish so hard that my financial problems could just be fixed.. but then looking back I can tell that I would have just used the shovel God sent to dig me out to dig myself a deeper hole.

I couldn't take care of the little money I had; how the heck did I think I could handle more??

If you're not who you want to be right now then something drastic needs to happen in your life. YOU need to make a change. Nobody can do it for you. And there are no guarantees that you're gonna like it right away. I sure didn't.

It basically took my world falling apart and all of my ideas about life and love and faith being slashed to the bone. It took me finally admitting that it's not all about me and gritting my teeth against a lifelong disgust for religion and God and opening my mind. I heard a pastor say something that God had been trying to tell me for years, and I was too hardheaded to listen:

I've lived my life for the wrong man.. a different man every few years, and every one of them wrong. God is the only one who doesn't disappoint you in the end. And more importantly, God made each of us exactly the way we were supposed to be. He made us on purpose, with a purpose, and for a purpose. In his image.

Now you know I'm not a church nut. I don't even attend every week. I'm not involved. I don't go around praying for random people and laying hands on them and speaking in tongues. I'm not out there thumping the bible and being a Jesus freak. In fact, I'm probably one of the most cynical and skeptic Christians I know. But you know what? Becoming a Christian changed my life anyway.

The sin in my book is not living your life on purpose. God made you with all the keys you need for a successful life. All the answers to all your life's questions are right there in your own brain because HE put them there. You just have to learn to listen, and to tell the difference between what's On Purpose and what's a load of BS left over from years of BS being pumped, trucked, shipped, and carted in by the ton.

So I'm not lucky at all. This has been damn hard work, and I'm not done yet. I've got a long way to go, but at least now I can look in the mirror and honestly say that I am who I want to be. I am becoming who God meant me to be in the first place, and I have a plan for going where I want to go in life.

I'm not lucky and I'm not special. I'm not doing anything anyone else can't do. I've just realized that this works.

Well...

That's my two cents. Actually it was more like $2. But if you invest that, it'll be $2 million in a few years.