I'm Not Lucky

I talk to my sister on the phone a lot. Mostly these conversations are alike: there's no money, no friends, no support, they're turning the power and the phone off because the bill can't be paid, and all that means is stress, misery, and more misery for everyone involved. I talk about what's going on in my life about half as much as as my sister talks about what's going on (or not) in her life.

That's okay.. she can get most of the things I would talk about from reading my semi-daily missives here at the Dysfunction Junction. But every once in a while I catch that note in her voice.. It's sad, it's wistful.. it says "You're so lucky." I think the words have even come out a few times.

Well as I said before, I am hardly perfect. Hardly an example for anyone to follow. Lord knows I have made my share of idiotic mistakes. The point is that right now I am living exactly the life I want to live. Right Now. Sure there are things I still want to do, but that's okay, because I've still got a lot of life left to live. Sure, I screw up.. everybody does. If you never screw up, you never learn anything. The important thing is that I am the person I want to be. And I have the secret to being who you want to be... right now. Here it is: are you ready??

I'm not lucky.

I'm not lucky at all. Not even a little bit. Every little piece of my life right now is the result of a little faith and a lot of cold, hard planning. It's like Pat Parelli says (get ready for the P's!):

Prior and Proper Preparation Prevents Piss-Poor Performace.

Or, if you fail to plan, you are planning to fail.

Or, you only get one life. Live it ON PURPOSE.

Everything is a choice. You choose what kind of day you have every day. Other people can influence that, but only you can control it. You choose the clothes you put on, and in so doing you choose the impressions that people will likely have about you from the moment they see you for the first time. They can either see somebody who has their sh!t together (even if you don't feel it, you can look it, and 90% of people will never know the difference) or they can see somebody who isn't who she wants to be.

You alone choose how to behave and how to react to every situation. You can choose to let things happen. You can choose to make a mountain out of a molehill, or a molehill out of a mountain range. You can choose to get angry and scream and break things (and people); you can choose to look like an idiot at best, and go to jail eventually at worst, and nobody can do a thing about it. But the fact remains that you are in control of and responsible for your own behavior.

Alcohol can be a factor (and lord knows I can't throw any stones over making an alcohol induced scene! Been there, done that..) but in the end, you are the one who decides whether or not you will drink, and how much. Alcohol, sex, and drugs are like money in that either you can control them, or they can control you. It's that simple.

You decide who you allow into your life. And guess what? Most people don't deserve a place in your heart. Cold? Yep. But I've seen first hand what an unworthy "friend" can do to your life. The same applies to dating relationships. Just because someone is "hot" or "sexy" doesn't mean he deserves a place in your life, your heart, or even your bed. Hell, especially your bed. Or, substitute "hot" or "sexy" for "rich".. the same applies.

You decide how people will treat you.. not based on how you treat them, but on how you treat yourself. A person who respects herself does not treat herself badly. She doesn't put herself in dangerous and shameful situations. She doesn't have unsafe sex or "casual" sex.. because come on everybody knows that for a woman, sex is never casual. She doesn't allow toxic people to worm their way into her life, and once she's kicked a toxic person to the curb, she slams the door on their bad influence and doesn't look back! She doesn't use coersion or manipulation or intimidation or her body to get what she wants. A woman who respects herself learns how to get what she needs on her own power, without sacrificing her self respect.


You decide how responsible you will be; whether you will choose a viable source of income and whether you will do whatever it takes to earn your financial freedom. You decide whether you will go to work every day, or whether you will wake up one day and say "I just don't feel like it today.." "I don't feel like it" is NEVER a good excuse for being irresponsible. I do a lot of things that I wish I didn't have to do.. but it's part of being responsible. I know that if I want a particular result in my life, certain things have to happen.. and I am the one who makes things happen in my life.

You decide what your financial situation will be; either you work hard and live within your means even if it means taking a step back from the lifestyle you feel entitled to, or you screw yourself at every turn. Either you pay yourself first and have a real, workable plan for your life, or you flounder around waiting for the power to be turned off.. again. I used to wish so hard that my financial problems could just be fixed.. but then looking back I can tell that I would have just used the shovel God sent to dig me out to dig myself a deeper hole.

I couldn't take care of the little money I had; how the heck did I think I could handle more??

If you're not who you want to be right now then something drastic needs to happen in your life. YOU need to make a change. Nobody can do it for you. And there are no guarantees that you're gonna like it right away. I sure didn't.

It basically took my world falling apart and all of my ideas about life and love and faith being slashed to the bone. It took me finally admitting that it's not all about me and gritting my teeth against a lifelong disgust for religion and God and opening my mind. I heard a pastor say something that God had been trying to tell me for years, and I was too hardheaded to listen:

I've lived my life for the wrong man.. a different man every few years, and every one of them wrong. God is the only one who doesn't disappoint you in the end. And more importantly, God made each of us exactly the way we were supposed to be. He made us on purpose, with a purpose, and for a purpose. In his image.

Now you know I'm not a church nut. I don't even attend every week. I'm not involved. I don't go around praying for random people and laying hands on them and speaking in tongues. I'm not out there thumping the bible and being a Jesus freak. In fact, I'm probably one of the most cynical and skeptic Christians I know. But you know what? Becoming a Christian changed my life anyway.

The sin in my book is not living your life on purpose. God made you with all the keys you need for a successful life. All the answers to all your life's questions are right there in your own brain because HE put them there. You just have to learn to listen, and to tell the difference between what's On Purpose and what's a load of BS left over from years of BS being pumped, trucked, shipped, and carted in by the ton.

So I'm not lucky at all. This has been damn hard work, and I'm not done yet. I've got a long way to go, but at least now I can look in the mirror and honestly say that I am who I want to be. I am becoming who God meant me to be in the first place, and I have a plan for going where I want to go in life.

I'm not lucky and I'm not special. I'm not doing anything anyone else can't do. I've just realized that this works.

Well...

That's my two cents. Actually it was more like $2. But if you invest that, it'll be $2 million in a few years.