Backing Away Slowly

Every time I try to relax, my phone rings. Everyone seems to want or need something from me, even if it's just to scream in my ear for an hour or two.

Today while trying to work, I talked to both parties in what's shaping up to be a train wreck of a divorce. I went to lunch with their roommate, who is trying to deal with the fact that he has to live there and deal with the war that's going on.

After lunch my sister called about my niece and her case of potty mouth that has scored her a double detention. How to punish that? Jeez, I don't know. Kids repeat what they hear, no matter how old they are or where they hear it. And she only does it because she thinks it makes her cool in the eyes of the other kids. I did it too. I was much older before I realized that saying "fuck" every other word (not to mention saying "Jesus" too loudly.. I do live in the bible belt) only made me look like trailer trash.

Smart, successful women do not talk that way, after all. She'll realize that when she's older.

This is not to say that she shouldn't be read the riot act for saying "Jesus f-ing Christ" in front of her Spanish class. I just don't think I'd burn the house down over it.

And to top it all off, just as I was managing to focus on work again, my ex husband calls, telling me that he needs my financial information to send to the mortgage company. As if I am going to give him that. We are divorced and I am not responsible for his mortgage anymore. He even asked me to fill out the forms. He is the most helpless man I have ever met in my life. I can't imagine what ever made me think he was attractive in any way whatsoever.

So then M calls me on my drive home from work. He calls again as I am sitting down to dinner and talks for the better part of an hour. I will have to reimburse work for every one of those minutes. Not to mention that I sat there and watched my dinner congeal. But it's my own fault. I could have not answered the phone. I just have a thing about responding when people need me.

It's just that sometimes I get really pissed off because when I need to talk, people are miraculously unavailable.

Damn I wish L were home. No matter what, it is always possible to relax in his presence. Whether it's lying against his chest while he watches TV on the couch or reading books in bed before we go to sleep.. he always has that sense of quiet around him that makes me feel centered and not so much like an order of hash browns gone bad. (You guessed it.. I thought the word "scattered" again and the metaphor was unavoidable. Apologies!)

Hopefully he will be here tomorrow..