Soap Operatic

I am so tired today. I feel like someone has just sucked out all of my energy, like I'm an empty skin that keeps flopping around trying to do things, but can't figure out what the hell it's trying to do. Weird, I know, but that's how this day has been.

This thing with M & H really has me stressed out, for several reasons. First, because I care about them, and second because I'm so shocked and disappointed at what is happening. Third because there seems to be some inclination to drag me into it, and fourth because my own melodrama of a divorce is not too far behind me. Fifth, because I love the horses, especially my Gracie, and the chances of my ever being able to buy her are approaching nil at this point.

I talked to H today, and was pretty much floored at the dizzying range of emotions she exhibited in the course of a 20-minute conversation. She went from normal to sobbing to vindictive and threatening and back to normal in what seemed like unbelievable time. To tell the truth, she really kind of pissed me off. She denies that she did anything at all, and says that M is making it all up, which doesn't really make sense to me. What would be his motive?

But hey, it's really none of my business, right? I am just trying to be a good friend. I do care about her.. but I get the feeling that she doesn't care about anyone but herself. In the next minute she was purring that e-mails could be misconstrued and that she could easily make the case that Mark was having an affair with me because of one email that he wrote to me about a month ago, in which he thanked me for my friendship and for trying to help the two of them.

That crawled right up my ass and camped out, lemme tell you. I don't care how nice he is, or how much we might have in common, the fact that he is married puts him off limits. I don't think I could ever look at him that way, never mind that I am in love with someone else. I have no desire to cheat, on anybody, ever, and she has known me long enough to know that.

She started talking about how she was going to ruin him, make him lose his job, take his invention and make sure he never succeeds in life, and that anyone who didn't try to stop him from telling anyone else about this whole fiasco, she was going to retaliate against. This was a very thinly veiled threat, to which I replied the only way I knew how..

I have already been through hell with my own divorce, and I have no intention of going through yours. Thanks anyway.

She wanted to know whether I had actually seen the emails in question, to which I replied that I don't like to go rubbernecking at car accidents, and it's really the same thing to me. It's ugly and it smells bad and I don't want anything to do with it.

And then suddenly we were back to normal-land, and she was saying that I was welcome to still come ride anytime I wanted. It frankly freaks me out.

After talking to both of them today, I feel scattered and brittle like Waffle House hash browns (I couldn't resist that reference.. when I typed "Scattered" I was already hopelessly committed to a WH metaphor. Sorry. I truly am.) Seriously, I am really more anxious about it than I should be. I know that there is nothing there that involves me, other than the fact that they were there for me, and I am trying to return the favor. I do wish L were home though. I really miss him.