Feline Obesity

Yesterday I was sitting at my computer typing away on an email when Monster decided that my shoulder would be a good place to alight. He used to do this when he was a kitten (and much smaller) without any trouble. However, he is a morbidly obese cat of at least 18-20 pounds now.

As I expressed to PR in an email shortly after the event, it was very much like being hit by a furry cannon ball. I was glad that Monster has no front claws. Otherwise I would be shredded and bruised by my beloved pets. Monster needs to lose a few pounds. How does one apply diet and exercise principles to one's cat? Do I chase him around the house for exercise? Ration his chow? (When his buffet is rationed, he tends to bellow his kitty outrage all night. Rrreeoooowwwwwwrrr!!!!!!!)

In other news, the pork profusion has ended. L had steaks marinating last night, bless him. They were very tasty and just what I wanted. And more importantly, they were BEEFY and there was no "other white meat" involved.

In case you haven't noticed, I am very picky about my meat. I like meat. Meat is wonderful! Meat-- it's what's for dinner! It's the breakfast of champions! It's got protein and .. oh ok. I've taken the meat thing as far as it will go. The dogs love it when we have steak for dinner, too. They get scraps and they know it.. and they try to position themselves on the floor at strategic places so maybe you'll trip over them on the way to the table and drop your plate. It hasn't worked for them so far, but hope springs eternal.

Tonight: Band practice again.. and a reply to a short story written by my dear friend Mr. Mysterious, who is being perverse. Strange sometimes to be confronted with what other people really think of you.. especially when it is so different from what you think of yourself. We shall see how my reply is received. I expect to be stonewalled.. but as anyone who has ever tried to stonewall me can certainly tell you, he's wasting his time even trying that. Ve haf our vays of making you talk!

Or maybe not.

Yesterday I went to a full-day band practice, which turned out to be quite an adventure. We practiced in CJ's warehouse, where on weekdays they grind and recycle scrap plastics. We had two huge trailers of sound equipment and we played all day until 5:30 or so. We sounded awesome..

During the rehearsal, a propane tank popped and started leaking into the warehouse, though. We had to drag it outside and by the end of it, we were all lightheaded and high. But at least nothing exploded.

I drug my wounded arm (thanks, Trigger) around like a dead weight most of the day, and consumed copious quantities of Advil. After rehearsal, I had to dress up as a cowgirl for the neighborhood Halloween party. It was quite entertaining, but I was tired and it was an early night.


L looks quite different with his mask on, doesn't he? He didn't wear it long.. because he couldn't drink his beer with it on. Not to mention that the line of vision is quite limited.

This morning I have been lazier than usual, and will probably continue to do so...Except that it's time for lunch and I will probably have to cook something... Hmm...

Maybe Not (or why today was not good)

Hm. So.
My wonderful horse kicked the hell out of me today. So much for progress. I was unhooking a rein from his bit to move it over to the other side, and the next thing I know, he is in the air and coming down on me. I got a hoof in the right arm, which is now black and blue. Trigger got one of the great workouts of his life afterward, and I've spent the rest of the day trying to figure out why he doesn't like me.

As long as TO is present we have no problems. Heck, even the other day without TO present, he was fine. Then today... bang.

When I got home, there wasn't any dinner.. just leftovers that are 3 days old, and L with no comment on what he wanted. So my choices were pork, chicken, or pork. Did I mention that I really don't like pork? Yeah. Especially after a week of it. And what's thawing in the fridge for tomorrow? You guessed it-- pork!

Then, to add insult to injury to insult, I went to sleep tonight, only to have L wake me up apparently just to witness him promptly falling asleep on his back which means he is snoring at 110 decibels and now I can't go back to sleep because I'm now awake and the hoofprint on my arm is sore and I am angry.

*pant pant*

Wow. That was one hell of a run on sentence. Oh, and did I mention that the dog is pawing at the bedroom door? Yeah, that too.

Quickie

I rode Trigger last night.. I tacked him up myself and everything. I have the best horse on the face of the earth. I never would have thought it possible, but he's every bit as good as Gracie was.. and I can love him all I want because he's MINE. :)

I'm going riding again tomorrow.

I have run out of time for today already.. more later.

Tonight: Bruce Hornsby in Spartanburg with L...

Takebacks

Oh. Well then.

I stand corrected. I have NOT been accepted to graduate school after all. I MAY be accepted after I put in a year of work.. but then again, maybe not. Well whatever. I already know that once I get into a classroom they will be more than satisfied with my performance, so I am not going to worry about it.

What I am going to worry about is scoring high on the GRE.

I have a headache, and suddenly today I am in an unexpectedly crabby mood. I need a list to cheer me up. So.. reasons why I am in a crabby mood today:

1) The above
2) Campaign ads. Is ANYONE stupid enough to believe a word of the crap that's running on TV right now? The Democrats are going to give us partial birth abortions on demand? The Republicans are going to add 23% tax on top of what we already pay? PLEASE!! Effing A, people, get with it! All of the claims made in all of the ads I have seen so far have been both utterly false and incredibly stupid. I don't want to vote for any of the candidates.. apparently they all believe that voters are drooling myrmidons who believe everything they see on TV. Grrrr.
3) NCIS was a rerun last night.
4) Every morning my alarm clock goes off too early, and the house is the same temperature as the arctic circle because that's the way L likes it.. with the fan on, no less! So I slog out of the nice warm bed at 5:30 and don't really wake up until around 9:30 after I have been working for 2 1/2 hours already and had 2 cups of coffee, a diet coke, and possibly a Red Bull.

Hm. Maybe I am overindulging in the caffeine? ...Nah. I think I'll go have some chocolate.

Something More Interesting

Oh yeah, I forgot to blog this.. I have at last received my conditional acceptance into graduate school. I only have to take a year of prerequisite classes and the GRE before I can start taking the MS classes.

So yeah, it's gonna take a while. But I've got a while, so that works. You are officially reading the blog of an agricultural economics major. I can feel myself getting more boring already. ;-D

I just made brunswick stew, corn bread, and chocolate pudding... and then ate leftovers for dinner. :) The stew and bread are for an injured, homebound co-worker, the chocolate pudding is for later, and the leftovers were gooooood.

Ok, so this entry was only marginally more interesting than the last.. I promise to do better tomrrow.

Sniffle Sniff

My alarm clock is evil. It roused me out of the most comfortable, warm sleep I've ever had this morning.

It was bone-rattling cold and there was frost on my windshield when I went to work. It has warmed up since, but the air is still on in my building, so I have been in my coat most of the day.

Add to that a modest case of the sniffles and I've got the makings of an early night at home. L reports that we have chicken soup for dinner, so at least there's that.

Later: Something more interesting.

Funniest Thing I Heard Today- Double Dose

1) "I don't know why I would have to get the brakes fixed. I mean, they're not making any noise, and it's not like I'll be doing a lot of stopping."
--my sister, while contemplating a 12-hour drive from FL to SC

2) This, from the girls at Go Fug Yourself:

..reminds me of the last few times I've been shopping, wandering through the racks trying in vain to figure out whether half of what's hanging there is meant to be a dress or a shirt. This happens a lot lately, and it's frustrating, because 90 percent of the time the answer is, "That's a shirt," and I have to put it down and walk away because it's too long to look flattering with jeans yet too short to be worn as a frock, for fear of wearing it in public and completely losing my mystery.

Get Fugly Here..

Just All Right

While working out at the gym during my lunch break, something occurred to me. I don't know what thought preceded this one other than the usual "I'm tired, I want my lunch, and why the heck do I do this to myself again?" Well, actually it became a series of thoughts, sort of a tying together of all of my recent little revelations about myself and the error of my ways.

First of all, I'm really okay the way I am. There is no need for me to go back to the ridiculous crash dieting and general insanity that I have been trudging back into over the last few months. I need to do two things: accept that there isn't anything wrong with me and be healthy. Work out every day, but don't be an idiot about it. Seems like I would have learned that already.

The second thing that occurred to me is that other people's opinions don't really matter. What matters are God's opinion and your own opinion, in that order and in rapid succession.

If God isn't okay with you, you will have no peace (and believe me, he has a way of letting you know. And no, it is nothing like you think). If you can't live with yourself, you will have no peace. Everything else is just a waste of your valuable time and energy.

So.. for me the big deal has been finding my "I."

It's very sad to me how many women live their whole lives with no idea of what they think or what they want or what the point is. Just taking the path of least resistance with no idea of why they are unhappy, and teaching their kids how to do the same, ad infinitum, the end.

Aha. Peace about something that has bothered me for quite some time.

Goodwill...

L's parents visited this weekend. I spent a lot of time with his mother, who is just precious. Seriously, she's great. I've never seen anyone in my life who sincerely enjoys everything as much as she does. L is a lot like her in a lot of ways.

We went to the giant mega-Goodwill store.. they weigh their merchandise when you check out and charge you 99 cents per pound. Everything is thrown into giant bins and you have to dig for it. We spent a couple of hours there, but I ended up getting 6 shirts, a sweater, and a belt for $1. And we're talking about name brands.. Gap. Limited. Express. 9 West. Aeropostale. American Eagle.

Pretty cool...

They've gone home now, and tonight is band practice again. Last night I talked with PR on the phone for a while. It's always good to talk to him.. he has a very unique perspective on just about everything. And an utter inability to decipher the machinations of certain women.

I've got lots of other stuff to write about today, but unfortunately not much time in which to write it, so I'll have to come back later. Right now.. too much paperwork to review. :(

Early Halloween Party Pictures...

I'm sorry, but L was by far the cutest guy there. ;)
JR liked my ball costume. Here he is wearing my chain.
The old ball and chain....

Friday with Trigger..

I spent the day with TO again yesterday. I rode Trigger for another couple of hours, and if I thought he was good last week, well.. wow. Now he flexes his neck all the way around so that his nose touches my toe using only leg cues, and he stays there until i tell him to move.

He moves a lot smoother and is a lot calmer. TO says I might be able to canter him next week! And did I mention that he looks like a show horse now? Oh yeah! TO clipped all his shaggy whiskers off and trimmed out his ears and put shoes on his feet and everything. He looks fantastic!

We're hoping to plan a trail ride sometime soon, and I'm looking for a good saddle..

And every time I go out to see him, Trigger is a better horse. TO told me yesterday that I easily sell him for $3K right now.. but he'll never be for sale if I can help it. :)

Thursday....

I wish I could take some of the stuff that was crammed into my workday today and spread it out over about a two-week period. I had two long meetings, and a deadline that was looming exceptionally large when the agent submitting the proposal called me with narrative changes at 5:05. The UPS guy leaves at 5:15, no takebacks, and I hadn't even made copies yet.

Sheesh! People!

L is going to pick up some pizza for dinner. There's beer in the fridge and two very happy dogs running around play-fighting over a new toy they were given today. I have to pause to think that life is really okay as long as the dogs are happy.

Little insignificant things get my attention sometimes.. happy dogs, Monster purring.. the fact that L does... well, everything he does. It's probably stupid, but sometimes L really makes me stop and say.. "wow.."

Let's be honest.. J (let's call him numbnuts from now on, shall we? I think we shall) nn would never have agreed to eat Hawaiian pizza just because I like it.. much less gone to get the pizza while I sat here blogging on his computer. But the truth is I don't really care much what nn would or wouldn't have done anymore.. just pops through my mind every now and then.

SO.. that's the blog for today until I think of something else to say.

I'm Not Lucky

I talk to my sister on the phone a lot. Mostly these conversations are alike: there's no money, no friends, no support, they're turning the power and the phone off because the bill can't be paid, and all that means is stress, misery, and more misery for everyone involved. I talk about what's going on in my life about half as much as as my sister talks about what's going on (or not) in her life.

That's okay.. she can get most of the things I would talk about from reading my semi-daily missives here at the Dysfunction Junction. But every once in a while I catch that note in her voice.. It's sad, it's wistful.. it says "You're so lucky." I think the words have even come out a few times.

Well as I said before, I am hardly perfect. Hardly an example for anyone to follow. Lord knows I have made my share of idiotic mistakes. The point is that right now I am living exactly the life I want to live. Right Now. Sure there are things I still want to do, but that's okay, because I've still got a lot of life left to live. Sure, I screw up.. everybody does. If you never screw up, you never learn anything. The important thing is that I am the person I want to be. And I have the secret to being who you want to be... right now. Here it is: are you ready??

I'm not lucky.

I'm not lucky at all. Not even a little bit. Every little piece of my life right now is the result of a little faith and a lot of cold, hard planning. It's like Pat Parelli says (get ready for the P's!):

Prior and Proper Preparation Prevents Piss-Poor Performace.

Or, if you fail to plan, you are planning to fail.

Or, you only get one life. Live it ON PURPOSE.

Everything is a choice. You choose what kind of day you have every day. Other people can influence that, but only you can control it. You choose the clothes you put on, and in so doing you choose the impressions that people will likely have about you from the moment they see you for the first time. They can either see somebody who has their sh!t together (even if you don't feel it, you can look it, and 90% of people will never know the difference) or they can see somebody who isn't who she wants to be.

You alone choose how to behave and how to react to every situation. You can choose to let things happen. You can choose to make a mountain out of a molehill, or a molehill out of a mountain range. You can choose to get angry and scream and break things (and people); you can choose to look like an idiot at best, and go to jail eventually at worst, and nobody can do a thing about it. But the fact remains that you are in control of and responsible for your own behavior.

Alcohol can be a factor (and lord knows I can't throw any stones over making an alcohol induced scene! Been there, done that..) but in the end, you are the one who decides whether or not you will drink, and how much. Alcohol, sex, and drugs are like money in that either you can control them, or they can control you. It's that simple.

You decide who you allow into your life. And guess what? Most people don't deserve a place in your heart. Cold? Yep. But I've seen first hand what an unworthy "friend" can do to your life. The same applies to dating relationships. Just because someone is "hot" or "sexy" doesn't mean he deserves a place in your life, your heart, or even your bed. Hell, especially your bed. Or, substitute "hot" or "sexy" for "rich".. the same applies.

You decide how people will treat you.. not based on how you treat them, but on how you treat yourself. A person who respects herself does not treat herself badly. She doesn't put herself in dangerous and shameful situations. She doesn't have unsafe sex or "casual" sex.. because come on everybody knows that for a woman, sex is never casual. She doesn't allow toxic people to worm their way into her life, and once she's kicked a toxic person to the curb, she slams the door on their bad influence and doesn't look back! She doesn't use coersion or manipulation or intimidation or her body to get what she wants. A woman who respects herself learns how to get what she needs on her own power, without sacrificing her self respect.


You decide how responsible you will be; whether you will choose a viable source of income and whether you will do whatever it takes to earn your financial freedom. You decide whether you will go to work every day, or whether you will wake up one day and say "I just don't feel like it today.." "I don't feel like it" is NEVER a good excuse for being irresponsible. I do a lot of things that I wish I didn't have to do.. but it's part of being responsible. I know that if I want a particular result in my life, certain things have to happen.. and I am the one who makes things happen in my life.

You decide what your financial situation will be; either you work hard and live within your means even if it means taking a step back from the lifestyle you feel entitled to, or you screw yourself at every turn. Either you pay yourself first and have a real, workable plan for your life, or you flounder around waiting for the power to be turned off.. again. I used to wish so hard that my financial problems could just be fixed.. but then looking back I can tell that I would have just used the shovel God sent to dig me out to dig myself a deeper hole.

I couldn't take care of the little money I had; how the heck did I think I could handle more??

If you're not who you want to be right now then something drastic needs to happen in your life. YOU need to make a change. Nobody can do it for you. And there are no guarantees that you're gonna like it right away. I sure didn't.

It basically took my world falling apart and all of my ideas about life and love and faith being slashed to the bone. It took me finally admitting that it's not all about me and gritting my teeth against a lifelong disgust for religion and God and opening my mind. I heard a pastor say something that God had been trying to tell me for years, and I was too hardheaded to listen:

I've lived my life for the wrong man.. a different man every few years, and every one of them wrong. God is the only one who doesn't disappoint you in the end. And more importantly, God made each of us exactly the way we were supposed to be. He made us on purpose, with a purpose, and for a purpose. In his image.

Now you know I'm not a church nut. I don't even attend every week. I'm not involved. I don't go around praying for random people and laying hands on them and speaking in tongues. I'm not out there thumping the bible and being a Jesus freak. In fact, I'm probably one of the most cynical and skeptic Christians I know. But you know what? Becoming a Christian changed my life anyway.

The sin in my book is not living your life on purpose. God made you with all the keys you need for a successful life. All the answers to all your life's questions are right there in your own brain because HE put them there. You just have to learn to listen, and to tell the difference between what's On Purpose and what's a load of BS left over from years of BS being pumped, trucked, shipped, and carted in by the ton.

So I'm not lucky at all. This has been damn hard work, and I'm not done yet. I've got a long way to go, but at least now I can look in the mirror and honestly say that I am who I want to be. I am becoming who God meant me to be in the first place, and I have a plan for going where I want to go in life.

I'm not lucky and I'm not special. I'm not doing anything anyone else can't do. I've just realized that this works.

Well...

That's my two cents. Actually it was more like $2. But if you invest that, it'll be $2 million in a few years.

I'm Going to Do It.

You know that post for my sister that I said I wasn't going to post a while back.

Well screw that. I'm going to post it. I have been thinking about the service at NS Sunday.. how everyone is created on purpose, with a purpose, and for a purpose.. and how out of all of the people I know, the one person who is most out of touch with her purpose in life is my sister.

I have a lot of opinions about her life as I see it and how much better it could be if she could figure out how to live on purpose, with a purpose, and for a purpose. Hell, I could still use some help in that area.. I know I'm not any kind of Eighth Wonder, and my opinions are worth exactly what ya pay for 'em... but I can see my progress in the past 2-3 years in a way that I never would have thought was possible.

But then there's someone I know, with whom all things are possible.

I'm going to post it tonight.. and charge my phone. ;-)

Monday

We spent Saturday in a kind of haze, sleeping late and generally being as lazy as possible. We made brunswick stew and cornbread and lit the pilot light for the gas fireplace. Then we watched Chicken Little.. I guess we needed our cartoon fix. :)

Sunday I went to church and sat with PR, to see his video promo for next week's service.. which will be the beginning of another series about relationships. I'll be listening, but I can't promise to be present every week. NS is a great church, and I believe that God is working there. I just don't think that He's not working elsewhere. I am quite wary of the notion that only one church has the answers, and all of the others are Wrong. I'm starting to get that vibe from NS.. it's one of several things that I don't love about it anymore.

This is not to say that it's not a great church. As i said before, it is a great church. But we all know my feelings about church to start with. I'm just a little wary is all. Just sayin.

After church, I came home for lunch with L (leftover brunswick stew is better than it was last night.. the heat from the tobasco has had time to set in). Then I painted the bathroom, went through the craft stuff, and folded the laundry. L weeded flower beds and chopped out the last remaining bastion of the brushy area of the yard. After all that, we decided to go out to dinner..

So off to Olive Garden in Greenville. Yummmmm.

I had more to say, but L wants to talk.. :)

The Best Friday 13 Ever!

I rode Trigger for the first time!! He was so good! He was quiet and never once offered to give me any trouble. We rode for a little over an hour.. he learned to accept a rather bumbling little rider, and I learned to sit a trot Western style. My butt will never be the same. :)
He looks so handsome all tacked up! I'm so proud of him!
TO is taking him for his first trail ride Tuesday. I can't go because of work, etc, but one of his riders is going to ride Trigger.. and TO is looking for a good trail saddle for me. Pretty soon I will be in business.

I was like a little kid at Christmas. L was laughing at me and taking pictures so I could post them here.

This is Skipper, TO's stallion that he let me ride last week. He is quite a handsome boy, himself.

After riding, L and I went grocery shopping, then we went to Fall for Greenville with the guys from the band. We had a great time, but it was cold. :)

This morning I am feeling decidedly sore and lazy.. but I have to finish painting the bathroom and work on our Halloween costume. Speaking of Halloween.. L has completely blown his $50 Halloween budget, like I knew he would when he set that as the limit. He spent that much on candy.. then the inflatable grim reaper archway for the door, then the bag of assorted plaster bones for the flower beds, and the floating ghosties and the big wallscape for the garage door.. LOL the kids in the neighborhood are going to love our house.. Not only do we have all these creepy decorations, we also bought full size candy bars.

And then...

Red Bull is the nectar of the Gods. Just saying.

A few clarifications on the picture below: yes, it is an engagement ring. No, it is not mine, though I wish it were. Yes, those are tanzanites as the accent stones. And if I could change anything about this ring I would want princess cut stones and for this ring to be on my hand right about now. However, let me state for the record that I would be happy with a plain band made out of tinfoil at this point if the proposal were sincere. And if the proposal were to actually happen.

Obviously I have a very active fantasy life.

All I Want For Christmas...

TMI

I can't seem to wake up this morning. I hate that feeling. It's like trying to work underwater. My head hurts and my eyes keep trying to close. Add to this the fact that my boss is off today and Chatty Cathy (not her real name) really gets cranked up when the boss isn't here.

Don't get me wrong.. I love her to pieces. She's precious. But she also doesn't read the person she's talking to. For instance, when I feel like I do today, I really don't want to know the intimate details of what happened last night. Seriously, my eyes are rolling back...

I wouldn't mind at all if it were just things like where they went or who they saw out, or whatever... but no. It's more like what they were doing when they stayed inside. If I ever talked about L like that he would die of embarrasment and then haunt me for the rest of my life.

Now I know that this blog is comprised of mostly personal information, and that it's really an indulgence on my part to write it at all.. but then people have a choice of either reading it or not. None of you, dear readers, are trapped in an office with Chatty Cathy in front of the only door. I'm not trying to be mean here, and I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings for the world.. but sometimes it's a bit much. Like a truckload too much.

So.. to change the subject (and brag on my own boyfriend for a minute).. L rocks! He got a free magazine subscription for the rewards on his credit card or something, and what does he get? I would expect ESPN sports or something, right? He got Horse Illustrated for me. : D And this morning the first words he said when he opened his eyes were to tell me I look pretty today.

Whether I do or not is debatable, but it is certainly nice to hear. : )

Random Weirdness

Band Practice didn't go so well last night. My friend Fred the drummer didn't show up, though we could see him in the window of the house, looking out. He just wouldn't come out and play with us for some reason.

I hope I don't have anything to do with whatever that reason may be, but I am afraid that I do.

I am tired and I don't feel like working today. Despite this, I have been quite productive thus far.

Tori Amos is really really strange. I was just listening to one of her live albums while working on a grant proposal and thought.. wow.. she has gotten weirder over the years. I prefer Vienna Teng to be quite honest.

I need to write some music. It's been too long.

Scowl

Today is not my day. I say this for the following reasons:

1) My coworkers ate my entire stash of chocolate out of my desk drawer while I was off Friday. This is not a particularly big deal, but one piece today might have been nice.

2) L grilled Italian sausages last night. (Made me think of the filming of Hurricane..) They were far, far too spicy for my tastes, and that's saying something. I normally like spicy food. My stomach is still angry with me over the 3/4 of one sausage I did manage to eat.

3) I went to the bank today to try and deposit a check, only to find that it's Columbus Day and the bank is closed. I swear, this happens every time I try to go into the bank. If it's not Columbus Day, it's Presidents Day or Veterans Day or some other day on which I can't go inside the bank. By the time I realize this, it is too late to go work out and I don't feel like it anyway. I hate eating out alone, and there's no one to eat with me, so I went back to my office, stalked in, shut the door, and ate a Lean Cuisine for lunch.

4) My office is a mess, and my batteries are dying in my cat clock.. His eyes are drooping lazily and he says that it is now 6:25 (it's 1:10). He also said that two hours ago. I need to go fix him.

To counteract this really cranky mood I have going on (again), I believe I may take the laptop out in the courtyard to work on website updates.. that way no one can pester me or tell me every last miniscule frikkin detail of their personal life.

Lord, I hope I have never done that to anyone else. If so, I may be forced to commit hara-kari with my hi-lighter. :-
Tonight: Band practice!

Reasonable? I don't think so.

When I was eighteen, I was in a play. Actually it was one of many. But I met three boys painting sets there while I rehearsed. Could I ever have known the impact they would have on my life at that point? Hardly.

The first took my virginity and made a joke out of it. The second did a real tap dance on any self-respect I may have had, which admittedly wasn't much. I married the third, the rest of which is, as they say, history.
This chance meeting happened over a decade ago. And why am I thinking about it tonight? Well, while on myspace.com, looking for someone else entirely, I stumbled across Number One and Number Two, within minutes of each other.

Neither appears to have changed that much, not at least judging from what I saw on their pages. It utterly freaked me out, though. What on Earth was I thinking??? So maybe I have changed more than I thought I had. It just threw me for a loop to see that Number Two had listed in his lifetime accomplishments that he had "dated a girl way out of [his] league and held onto her for a year before [he] dumped her." He used those exact words ("out of my league") to my face ten years ago..and then he dumped me. LOL There is no doubt in my mind that it was me he was talking about, unless he has made a pattern of that particular relationship train wreck. And if he has, God help him. But..

Wow. There's a side of someone I never wanted to see, even ten years and a lifetime later. Hurting someone as a lifetime accomplishment...

It made me sit and think for a few minutes. The first thing that came to mind was that .."wow".. above. And following close on its heels was "How godawful sad.. and not for me."

It made me question for a moment how much of this whole strange relationship dance in my life was influenced by people who didn't deserve to influence it. And how much predetermined beliefs and strangely bent perceptions cloud my thinking now.

Wouldn't a reasonable person be able to jettison the high school trash a long time ago? Why does it fascinate and amuse me to discover by accident what I should have seen coming ten years ago from a mile away, and still never saw?

I make the same mistakes as everyone else. If everyone else beats themselves up the way I do when they make a mistake, or a bad judgment, or don't see the oncoming train, a lot of people must be walking around black and blue on the inside. I know this.. but the paranoid little JW girl who still lives in a corner of my brain is still looking for solutions to all of the riddles of my life, even the stupid high school ones that really weren't even all that hard.. just to make sure that I never make the same mistake twice.

Or three times. ;-)

Friday Rocked..

I guess suffering through my bad mood a few days ago without ripping anyone's head off must have paid off. Yesterday was the best day I've had in a while.

I went to see TO and Trigger. Got there at 11 am and stayed until about 4 pm. Trig is looking kinda sad to tell the truth.. his mouth is sore from the bit and his back legs are a little swollen from standing in his stall because he is afraid to step over the step-up to go outside. We showed him how and by the time I left he was walking around in his little yard quite happily. I was worried about the swelling and a few little dings he has picked up, but he is moving well and doesn't act like he is in any pain.. he is just losing the bad attitude.

I worked him for a few minutes, and TO took one of those big white plastic barrels and bounced it off his sides, slid it under his belly, and threw it on the ground beside him. My normally hot and spooky horse just blinked, but stood there like a rock. I'm so proud of him!!!

So then TO said he wanted to see me ride. We put Trig in his stall and I turned around to see TO getting the stallion saddled. Yeah. I rode his stud horse!!! That is the most amazing horse I have ever been on! He is absolutely gorgeous, and he neck reins and responds perfectly to leg cues. When I got off, TO got on, after taking off the bridle. He proceeded to put that horse through his paces.. sliding stops, spins, rollbacks, everything!.. with nothing at all on his head. It was amazing!

Then I rode his roping horse for a while. He is awesome as well. If you so much as touch his side with your heel, he takes off like a rocket! Awesome!! I'm telling you all right now.. a horse is one of the most amazing creatures God ever made.

The only thing that happened to mar the day was that when I took the camera out to take some pictures (for my dear readers!) the batteries were dead, and I didn't have the battery charger with me!! Ohhhh I was so disappointed! But we'll get them next time.. TO promised.

When I got home, I showered, had a snack, and went to play Bunco with the ladies in the neighborhood. It was also loads of fun, and I won back the $10 I borrowed from L to play and to buy candy bars from one of the ladies' kids so they could go on a school trip to Washington DC. :-)

And now, L is getting out of the shower, so I'd better get ready to go. We are going out to get Halloween decorations today!

I am feeling decidedly cranky this morning. This is largely due to PMS, I am sure, but there is also the fact that I haven't heard anything about my graduate school application yet, and the more time that passes, the surer I am that I will be rejected.

Add to that the fact that last night we were cleaning the house for the FSU party tonight, and L was being particularly retentive. I put the chairs at the table; he wanted them against the wall. I put them against the wall; he was worried that they would actually be touching the paint, and God knows we can't have that! I unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher, to find that several things that were supposed to be clean weren't. He wanted to argue with me about it, when the dishes were clearly still dirty.

"I think that's just from the detergent." he says.
Well I'm not eating out of it. You can if you want. Sheesh. It's not like it is going to hurt anyone to re-wash them!

And he hates Tupperware for some reason. I can't figure out why he is so attached to those nasty disposable Gladware things that are supposed to be thrown away not reused for years! They're really gross looking now.

I think I'm just in a bad mood. I need to go back to bed and start the day over.

Fog

Driving to work this morning was like something out of a bad horror movie. The fog was so thick you couldn't cut it with a chainsaw. I couldn't see the road in front of me, and in order to see brake lights on another car, you'd have had to have already rear-ended them.

Not a fun drive.

I taught a class yesterday, and I'm still worn out from that. Plus I think my allergies are acting up a little. Great.. just in time for the party at our house on Thursday, I am starting to feel crappy. I will go to bed early tonight and hopefully that will help.

I also have birthday gifts to mail for S and my sister. Just haven't had time to get to the post office. It's not the only thing I haven't had time to do lately.

I swear sometimes that I can't keep up with everything. Seems like everybody needs/wants something from me. Even worse, some people always expect me to read their minds, and then give them exactly what they want, even if I have tried to make it clear that I can't deliver immediately. My mother is the worst of these:

"I still want to know why that doctor did ___________..." even though she knows I have to have copies of the records before I can talk to anyone (i.e. an attorney or the doctor in question, because lord knows I can't take her word for anything), and that we only first discussed the issue yesterday.

I have discovered that I really love the silent feature on my cell phone.

Sunday List

Too much going on not to have a list...

1) Friday night oyster roast.. Lots of fun, too much to drink, delicious she-crab soup. We stayed out until 2 am and woke up with headaches. A2 put a handful of ice down the front of my shirt.. A2's dad informed me that he'd "like to run into me in the dark." Hm. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it? C1 got in trouble for drinking too much in front of the other party guests.. he was wearing plastic vampire fangs at the time, and talking about marriage, for some reason. He wants to know when my Muffinhead is coming back to visit.

2) Saturday morning I went to the studio to work on some music with Fred the Martino.. it was fun, but it was hard to stay on task with my head pounding like it was.

3) L helped A2 and some other guys move the hot tub from the front yard to the back where it belongs. I met him there and we went to the Clemson-LA-Tech game. We left before it was over because it was obvious that LA was taking a beating. Saw some funny things at the game tho.. a kid sat next to me with an orange and purple hubcap necklace.. He had actually taken one of those spinning hubcaps, painted it, and wore it around his neck to the football games. Apparently according to him it is a very lucky hubcap.

4) The Saga continues with Mom.. Dr. C says after examining her that her hip does not look like Dr. E did what he said he was doing in the last surgery. Mom wants me to confront Dr. E, but I am not doing that without a copy of the records and some positive proof that it was botched. I don't doubt that such a thing could happen, but I am not going to go off half cocked based solely on what my mother has told me. She has a track record as the mother who cried wolf. Sorry, but it's true.

5) L and I have been working on house stuff.. the guest bathroom is stripped of wallpaper, and the sunroom is now painted green. it really looks good. Now we have to get the rest of the hosue ready for Thursday night's Seminole Game Watching Party. This will involve a lot of cleaning and a trip to Sam's...