You Asked for It..

Well.. I'm finally updating after an extremely frustrating visit to NC. It took me a few days to think before I could really write about it. If I had written before, it would have been a real rant that I would probably regret later. So, here I am, 3 days later...

I drove to the hospital early, got lunch, and brought some to Mom. I talked to her and GM and GF for a little while, and it became clear to me that they were all more concerned with a) being in control and b) keeping the farm at all costs and c) emphasizing their "stand" as J-frikkin-Ws (when this situation has NOTHING to do with religion, no how, no way). They are more interested in those things than in what's actually safest for them and for mom.

We went to meet with the staff at the rehab where she's at now, and we talked and they looked at the power of attorney documents and basically said that since GF has medical POA, there isn't a thing we can do, even though the entire staff expressed that they agree with me and that mom is not making a smart decision.

But there's no talking to my family. Especially Mom. She has a head like a rock, and once she gets and idea in her head, there isn't any talking her out of it, even if you show her a better way. Even the therapist at the rehab said that. But there isn't anything I can do. If she gets hurt, it's on her. It's her own fault.. and she could have avoided a lot of the bad situations in her life if she had made smart decisions.

After talking to Mom for a little while longer after everybody left, and then I decided I'd had enough NC for one day and went home.

But I learned a few things, and it's time for a list anyway:

1) My mother is very very manipulative and stubborn and infuriating in the extreme, but she is also pitiful. Her leg looks awful, her feet are swelling to three times their normal size, and she's depressed and sad and hates everything, basically. But, no matter how many options there are to make her life better, and no matter how I could help her if she'd let me, she isn't going to let me. One some perverse level, she wants things the way they are.

2) My mother likes to try and change the subject in any conversation or discussion to something uncomfortable for me (or my sister, if that's who she's talking to) in order to take the attention away from any issues involving change for her. She accused me of wanting to steal something from her, she said I must want something of hers and that's why I was trying to "put her in a home." Then she must have brought up J and all that crap at least 14 times. My teeth have suffered from excessive grinding.

3) I think about 50% of the reasons why I have detested JW's over the years has been because of my mother. I think a lot of the things are Mom issues and not JW issues. This is not to say that I'll ever go to a KH again.. I won't. But it was a startling realization. My sister makes a good point that if Mom weren't a JW, she'd be a Branch Davidian or a Moonie or one of those people who think a spaceship is coming to get them.

4) Trigger is the ultimate relaxation. I can't think about anything else when I'm with him, because he requires 100% of my attention when I'm there. Spending a day with him always de-stresses me. I had a great ride with MM and T, the new guy yesterday. I came home in a much better state of mind.

5) Now, if I could just figure out the mystery that is L.. Sometimes the man I'm going to marry is completely and totally confusing.

Later: Take me out to the ballgame...