Friday Night at Our House

It's Friday night, and I am about to cook dinner.. Spaghetti and red wine and garlic bread and salad. Yum-O. And AC is coming over, then we are going downtown. Before that, though, here are some pics..

Ok, here is a better pic of me in the dress I bought for the engagement pics. What do you think? Does this dress look cute enough for engagement pics?
I went to the Won't today and found these ADORABLE baby things. They are brand new and so so so cute! I don't think I can sell them. I am keeping them for my future children. I know, I am a schmuck. But I love them. Especially the one with the squirrels...
I also found this cool vintage gold clutch purse. I also found a pair of Lucky Jeans capris and assorted stuff from A&F, Express, etc.
So, this evening I am feeling a little looloo, and L is...
..feeding treats to the doggies. The house is clean, the pets are fed, and Life is Good..

I'm Too Busy

I know, I know, I haven't posted enough this week! And that isn't changing tonight. But to give you something to smile about while you wait for tomorrow (when I do promise to post something more interesting), check THIS out..

Trigger loves his hay, but not that much..

I'm SO Tired..

Yesterday: CJ couldn't make lunch after all. I think he is going to come today. I worked straight through lunch yesterday and left a little early to compensate. I dropped some stuff off at the post office and went home, where I cooked stir fry with shrimp and onions and zucchini and fried rice for dinner. It was pretty tasty, especially with the shrimp sauce I made.

I then went to bed and stayed there. This morning was the first time I have ever not heard my extremely loud alarm clock go off. I have the clock in the bathroom so that I have to get up to shut it off. L had to wake up and tell me my clock was going off.

Needless to say I am not feeling all that great today. I am actually pretty much exhausted, despite the fact that I basically went to bed at 8:30 last night. And I have a 1-degree fever according to our thermometer.

Still, I'm at work, because I have deadlines to meet and unfortunately you can't schedule time to get sick. I'm going to try and go see Trigger this afternoon. Even if I don't feel like riding (god forbid!) I need to go see him and brush him a little. Maybe feed him some carrots or something.. Maybe I will feel like riding at least for a few minutes this afternoon...

I've Already Got a Headache

Wow, yesterday was busy. I left the house at 6:25 am and got back at 11:45 pm, after band practice and an emergency dinner (HOT buffalo chicken tenders and undercooked fries, courtesy of the pub.. but I was starving so who cares?).

Today looks like it's shaping up to be just as busy, even though I will definitely get home earlier today. My head is already pounding though, and I may need an Aleve and a Red Bull before I even attempt to wade into the haystack that is my desk today.

Better get to it.
Later: CJ is coming to lunch

One of Those Nights..

Do you ever have those days when everything that can go wrong does? That was us last night. It was kind of a "date night" and we had tickets to Harry Connick Jr. We decided to try a new restaurant in G'ville called The Lazy Goat.

Let me say from the outset that we were hongry. That's a step beyond just ready for dinner. L started the evening by asking me how far I wanted to walk from wherever we parked to the restaurant. I said "not far." I was wearing very high heeled shoes and a new dress:


So he parks in the Spring St lot.. about 4 blocks from the restaurant. Did I mention that there's a parking deck and a valet service on the same block as the restaurant? Yeah. And it was 100 degrees out. My makeup was gone within 2 seconds.

I tried very hard not to put on the bitch face, but it obviously wasn't working. I felt better when we got inside the restaurant, where I ordered a mojito and decided that it was going to be a good night. We ordered dinner. And then everything really started going downhill. Prices were $14-$30 per plate, and we ordered an appetizer and then an entree each. When our plates arrived, we were shocked.

They looked like the appetizers they make on Top Chef! We got enough food for one of us (maybe) on a day when we weren't particularly hungry at all. And it was waaaaay oversalted. So after we ate, we decided to go somewhere else and have dinner, for real. We decided to go to Smoke on the Water. So we took a walk through Falls Park, where L told me that I had passed the place, but I knew that SotW was the other way. Turns out he was talking about another restaurant altogether. When we finally got to SotW, it was so packed that we couldn't even get up to the bar.

By this time I am feeling really sick to my stomach and hot and sweaty and extremely put out because L didn't want to make a decision about anything. This was probably due to my extreme bitch face, which made its appearance anyway, despite my finest efforts.

So we turned around and went to High Cotton, which was closer to the Peace Center, where we were going for the show. We got there and I ordered another mojito, which arrived with a long black hair in it. I sent it back, and by the time we got our drinks, we no longer had time to order any food before the show. So, hot, buzzed, and stomachs growling, we went to see Harry Connick Jr.

Y'all, he rocked. It was a fantastic show! He played, he sang, he danced! It was amazing!

So after the show, we went to Soby's. I ordered dessert and coffee which seemed to put L out for some reason which I can't quite figure out. He had a salad. Then our waiter took like 900 years to bring our check, prompting L to eat the rest of my dessert (by that time I was definitely done).

By the time we got home, I was not feeling well at all. So now it's Sunday morning, and I may have to cancel my ride this afternoon, because it is so freaking hot outside. I don't think Trigger is up to a ride in this heat anymore than I am.

I honestly think I am getting sick. My head hurts, my ears hurt, my throat hurts, and my stomach hurts. I think the extent of my activities today may consist of ebay and laying out by the pool. Maybe.

At Last..

So I finally found a dress to wear for the engagement pictures.. This is not a good picture, but it is very difficult to take a full length picture of one's self. Anyway:
I want the pair of bright green high heeled sandals I saw today to go with it. L doesn't like it... Naturally! I also bought some stuff from the mega-sale at Victoria's secret, and an outfit for L, which may or may not fit him. I also found a very cute wrap dress at Express for $14.99...
Oh well. Duckie likes my dress! Take that, L! ;-P

Random Blah

This is how I feel today:
This calls for a random list:

1) Ever notice how some days everything makes you mad?
2) Ever notice how some people are always mad, no matter what day it is? They could have just won the lottery and gotten engaged to George Clooney, and they'd still be mad at something.
3) The world is a dull, gray place without coffee. Just sayin.
4) I would like a nap. Instead I have a pile of paperwork and another call to return (from the same person who has already called me 215 times today).
5) L broke the Internet. Then he fixed it.
6) I have no idea what's for dinner tonight, but I do know that on Saturday night, we are going to see Harry Connick Jr.

The Trigger Update:
Yesterday, Trigger was a Very Bad, Stubborn Horse. I think he may be part mule, actually. He got out on the trail ok, but then planted his hooves and refused to move. I urged him. I nudged him. I clucked to him and yelled at him . I kicked him in the side. I even spanked him! No dice. He wasn't moving. I ended up getting off and leading him (read, dragging him) for about half a mile before he decided that it was easier to just do what I wanted him to do, which was GO down the trail in the direction and at the speed I asked him to. The end of the ride was great. The beginning, not so much.

I think he was just hot and didn't feel like braving the deer flies for a short afternoon trail ride.. but he ended up doing it anyway.

It BETTER Give Me Wings..

I spent my workout time this morning back in bed. Yep, I reset my clock and went back to sleep. I learned something.. 30 minutes of extra sleep doesn't really help that much. :-( I don't feel nearly as "awake" as I would if I had gotten up and done the workout. Something about running 2-3 miles at 5:30 am does at least get your eyes open..

I have a budget class to teach this morning, and I feel much more like sleeping than trying to get a bunch of bored people excited about writing grant budgets. Bring on the Red Bull, I guess.

This afternoon I am going to see Trigger. Maybe I can get my exercise then. In other news, I found the saddle I want ($500 new) on Ebay for $127. But I am waiting for the auction to be closer to the end before I put in a bid, so that no one has time to outbid me. If I can get that saddle for under $200, then I will actually make a profit on my old saddle (the one that doesn't fit Trigger's back anymore!)

Later: Trigger's latest adventures

Just Throwing Something Out There..

Ok.. I have a few questions for my dear readers.

Let's say that you have some acquaintances. You're not best buds or anything, but you know each other. And let's say that you are married, and these acquaintances are married. Let's also assume that you are a woman. Would you call to chat with your acquaintance's husband, but never call the wife? (Vice versa if you are a man..)

If you were in the area, and knew where this other couple lived, but knew that the wife wasn't home, would you stop by unannounced to chat with the husband?

Do you consider how your actions might appear to others before you do things, or are you a more impulse driven person?

How would you feel if you were the husband, and another man was dropping by when you weren't home to visit with your wife? Would it make a difference what your relationship was with this other guy? If you knew that you had nothing to worry about as far as your spouse cheating, would it still bother you anyway?

Just curious..

Old Age Setting In Already?

I had a bad day yesterday. It was one thing and then another, but the most irritating part was having to drive to the car shop 3 times in the blazing heat to pick up my car, then to see why the air conditioner wasn't working. Then I find out how stupid and/or senile I am when I realize that there was a button on my AC console that I have never even noticed before.

Anyway, I went to A-town for band practice only to find that no one was there. M came out to the studio to tell me that we weren't playing, and that he was playing with another band. So I called CJ, and ended up meeting him at the local watering hole for some drinks. That was kind of cool.. but I am still really bummed about the band. I am not sure what's going to happen there.

I also feel like total crap today. I only had 2 beers over the course of 2 1/2 hours last night, so I know it isn't that. I did do an ab workout yesterday morning, but that shouldn't make me feel like this. I just feel like I could fall over and sleep on my desk for the rest of the day. I certainly don't feel like putting forth the effort required to read this haystack of papers on my desk... but I don't really have a choice either, so I'd better get to it.

My Next 30 Years..

Here are some highlights from my Birthday Party at Rick Erwin's on the west end..

The chocolate cake was great, but not as great as the steak was!
Here's L, sitting across from me so I could talk to everybody..
And here's me and CJ. He had a sunburn, and the drinks didn't help. :-)
And of course, me and PR. My arms aren't long enough to do perfect moose-ears, but I tried.
But always remember, people.. no matter whose birthday it is, NO ONE comes between PR and his steak. No. One.

Is Friday Freaky?

Ok, so here's my day..

I got up early to work on a grant proposal that I brought home from the office so I wouldn't have to scramble on Monday. I sent notes, made phone calls, and spent most of the morning working.

Then I paid some bills and tried to figure out my credit card situation. I am less than $3K away from being debt free.. and I thought I could get a small credit card to pay for my business travel (which is 100% reimbursed).. but that's not going to happen. After I was offered a $300 secured credit card with 25% interest (and I counter-offered a few choice words), I checked my credit report and noted that because of a certain ex-husband (damn his eyes) I probably will never have good credit again. At least not until 2015. There are so many reasons why I wish I'd never met him.. not the least of which is the financial ruin he helped me put myself in. And by "help" I mean "singlehandedly decimated my credit."

Then I went to the BadWon't for a little while, and found a few interesting things.. A gold sweater that I love, but which makes me look like I have been dead for a few days. There truly couldn't be a worse color for me. I also found a few other things that will probably sell on Ebay. I only found one thing today that made the trip worthwhile.. A deep red strapless evening gown that, aside from being too long, is perfect for me. It is going to the seamstress with me to be hemmed, when I take my wedding dress.

Then I went to the mall to look for a dress to wear for our engagement pictures. I finally found one I like, but alas I can't buy it. It is $160 for a sundress. I can't bring myself to spend that much on one dress that I probably won't wear very often. Especially not when 90% of my (now almost completely designer!) closet came from the 99-cent thrift store (affectionately known as the Bad Won't).

I also discovered today that I am apparently irresistable to men of color. This is said facetiously, of course, but .. wow. Honestly, I look like crap today. Blue jeans, tank top, dirty tennis shoes, baseball cap. No makeup or perfume, nothing even remotely nice about the way I look today. Yet I was followed around the Bad Won't by Hispanic men whispering "ay, mami!" and the like. And I was thoroughly embarrassed by the two young black men who followed me down the main thoroughfare of the mall after I passed them at the food court, saying "daaaaaaaaam, girl.." and other things that I can't say here at the Junction. (PR would have an apoplexy!)

For you sensitive types, I am not at all embarrassed by a) the fact that any of these men found me attractive or b) the fact that I do in fact have a big butt, or c) the fact that any of them would approach me to say that they thought I was attractive. I was really kinda weirded out because I really didn't look nice today at all and these guys were so loud about their praise of my posterior. It was disconcerting, actually, and would have been regardless of the color of the men in question. I also found it amusing that all the white guys either didn't notice me at all, or grimaced with distaste at my farmer's tan and my dirty sneaks. I started watching the general male reaction after the fourth "ay mami!" today. Oy. So strange!

After all that excitement, I got a Starbucks and came home to clean the house. L tightened up the screws on all the new chairs, and did some weeding in the flower beds. He also killed a snake, and we watched its headless body go through its contortions until we could safely declare it Mostly Dead. We still had to come out later to poke it again to make sure, though. Snakes feel spongy and gross after they're All The Way Dead. Ick.

And now.. time to take a shower and go to bed.
Oh, and my car won't be ready until Monday.. so I am sticking close to home this weekend. :-)

The Problem with Driving a Geriatric Car..

After work yesterday, I was driving out to see Trigger when something exploded under my hood, followed by a deluge of antifreeze that sprayed up the front of the hood and all over the windshield, followed by copious overheating and lots of smoke. L drove down to pick me up, and we tried to refill the radiator with water, so we could at least drive it to a mechanic.. but to no avail. The water ran out the bottom of the radiator almost as fast as we could hose it in.

Meanwhile, I rode Trigger in the round pen while waiting for L to get there. Trigger was apparently out too late last night or something, because he was downright lazy! He didn't want to go fast. He didn't want to do turns or, god forbid, canter! He just wanted to stand in the middle of the ring and sleep! Of course I didn't let him, and he was very good. He did it all when I asked him to, but I could tell that he wanted to do nothing more than stand somewhere and graze.

Ah, but such is a horse's life.

This morning, I am the one who doesn't feel like doing anything. I did my yoga this morning, which usually wakes me up sufficiently, but no such luck today. In fact, today may be a Spark and Red Bull day. (yawn!)

The Mighty Rubber Band Hunter

Happy Birthday to ME!!!

Today is my birthday, and the new layout is a gift to you.. because I just know you were getting tired of the same old green template.

So, for my birthday, a list:
Why I am the Luckiest 30-Year-Old There Is:

1. I got THE BEST birthday song EVER today. It had harmony! It had Beat-Boxing! It had Jehovah's Witness rhymes! Totally Rocked!

2. I got 4 birthday cards before noon, and free lunch at Mellow Mushroom! Yummm!

3. I have the best future husband on the face of the earth.

4. L made my absolute favorite meal (besides steak, which he taking me out for on Sataurday).. his lasagna! We had fresh lasagna, salad, and red wine on our new dining room table, complete with candles and kisses.

5. He got me two cards.. one from him, and one signed by all of the pets (16 paws, two thumbs, and 4 hooves up!)

6. He also got me the new bra I wanted from Victoria's Secret.. and

7. The BEST>>>

I knew it would be spectacular when I saw that the box said Blue Nile.. but .. wow. Real pearls with tiny silver spacer beads.. I absolutely adore it and will wear it forever. It really looks great with my new nails too.. :-D

So yeah, this might be the best birthday on record, and I still haven't gotten my other b-day presents yet!

At Last, We Can Dine

Here, at last, is our dining room, with furniture:




This is my amazing creation.. a $20 vase from OTP, a green crystal pitcher I found at OTP also, a sliver tray I found at Tuesday Morning for 75% off, some river rocks, and some birch branches from the backyard. Tres modern, no? :-P

Define Gorgeous.. Also, Encounter with a (Rattle?) Snake

THIS is a good looking horse.These pics were taken after our traumatic experience this afternoon. I went riding with MMaw and we were almost back to the barn when I heard an ominous sound. Thrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... I think instinct kicked in or something.. I KNEW it was a snake before I saw the thing slithering toward us! M was in the act of getting off his horse to tie the dog at the time, and I didn't want him stepping down with a snake heading right at him so I'm saying "SNAKE SNAKE SNAKE!!!"
About that time, his horse notices the snake, which is now hauling its ugly butt across the trail directly in front of M's horse, Diamond. Diamond promptly lost his mind and started bucking like the best rodeo bronc in the world. M got flung into a tree! Then Diamond charged in the opposite direction of the snake and slammed into me and Trigger. Trigger took a step sideways, but didn't lose his balance (Thank GOD!). I was just sitting there trying to breathe going "omg are you okay??" over and over, and M was going "where's the snake?"
Alls well that ends well, though. M was fine, Diamond came back a few minutes later, sheepishly, followed by the dog, who had also run away. Trigger didn't freak out, which I was profoundly grateful for. So, he got a deluxe spa treatment and a big bucket of dinner when we got back to the barn.
Here he is scratching his nose on the barn door...
And back in the pasture showing off his shampooed mane and tail and his scrubbed white socks. He's a good horse.
Meanwhile, THIS creature has taken over the house...

7 am Sunday...

Oh, Nellie. Did I have too much to drink last night or what? Sheesh! And it's already so hot in our house at 7 am that I can't sleep, so I am slurping coffee and contemplating a grilled cheese sandwich for breakfast and trying to ensure that I didn't make an ass of myself last night.

I was so nervous about singing the first dance song at the wedding that I bolted my first glass of wine, and so it went for the rest of the night. It was a beautiful wedding and it was loads of fun, as you can see.

I evidently got over my nerves by the end of the night, though, because I ended up singing harmony with the band. Yes, it's true.. I was that girl who takes over the microphone at this wedding. Oy.
So later today I will be riding, unless it is so hot that we all can't move. It may be.. it was 102 degrees yesterday!

So last night was the big rehearsal dinner gig. It was okay.. I think the restaurant ought to shred their bill for the night, but they probably won't.

They had the cake sitting out 4 hours before the event started, so that by the time it was served, it was hard as a rock. The chicken was overcooked to the extreme, the servers were all surly and nobody got drink refills (some of us didn't get drinks at all), the manager was a B!T*H! and the bar only stayed open for about 12 seconds. The attendees were very nice, though, and the photo montage of the bride and groom from birth to the present was very sweet.

And the band.. well the band was great. :-)

The only thing that really marred the evening was that when Papa Ridgeback came to listen to the band, one of our other friends was incredibly rude to him for no reason. For some of us, it really put a damper on the rest of the evening. :-( I have no idea what happened there, but oh well.

Today we have a community work day with the neighborhood, and then the wedding this evening.

Meanwhile, I did get my nails done, at Sassy Nails in Easley, and they look fantastic! (Aside to Fran: I used to get my nails done at Star in Anderson several years ago. They are great! But a bit of a drive from here, unfortunately. Thanks for the advice though. :-) )

Busiest Woman on the Planet

That would be me. BWotP.
Today I have:

1) Talked to my mother after surgery yesterday. She does still have MRSA, all the way to the bone in her affected leg. They are going to have to go to the OR again on Monday. Yukes! (That's yikes! and yuck! all rolled into one!) Here's hoping they can find some way to get rid of the MRSA.. she is not going to do well if it hangs around forever.

2) Submitted innumerable grant proposals and reviewed a budget that was obviously thought up by Satan himself, with the help of a few thousand minions and assorted demons. My GOD that was the worst attempt I have ever witnessed!

3) Taught a grant procedure class for 4 faculty members.

4) Attended a Bible Study during lunch on the second floor.

When I leave the office I will:

1) Go see Trigger

2) Then go home and cook mashed potatoes and gravy for L. He is cooking the roast. :-D

3) Crash.

Tomorrow: Can I find anywhere to get my nails done before the wedding on Saturday? I have to sing, in front of people. I can't have ugly nails!
Also, Bad Won't!

I have to learn this by Saturday Playlist:
Feels Like Home by Clementine somebody or other

Self Respect- A Public Service Announcement

You might have a self-respect issue if:

1) You size up every member of the opposite sex that you meet as a potential date, no matter how old, strange, unkempt, or unlikely they are. See also, Desperation. Extra points if you do this automatically without even thinking about it. Double extra points if you always pine after people who are completely unavailable, famous people you’ve never met, or are married to someone else.

2) You get into sexual situations that you don’t want to be in because a) you are afraid that if you say “No” people won’t like you, b) you think that’s what you have to do to get attention, c) you feel that no one may ever be interested in you again, so you better take your chance where you can get it, even if you don’t “love” the other person.

3) You get into sexual situations with people you don’t know. ‘Nuff said.

4) When in a sexual situation, you don’t take any steps to protect yourself, instead expecting the other person to do it. Extra points if you’re embarrassed to talk about things like condoms and birth control. Your health and future are not important enough to you to expend the effort to protect them. You evidently feel like you deserve an STD or an illegitimate child to raise.

5) You date people that you would never consider marrying because a) someone else you know wants to go out with them, b) they have money and/or buy you stuff, c) they beg and/or pressure you and you are afraid to say “No.” (See 2, above), or d) someone wants to go out with me?? Quick, grab it before it gets away!

6) You feel that you are worthless if you aren’t Pretty or Skinny or Attractive or Sexy or Rich or Perfect, or if you think someone else in the room looks better/has more money/has more talent than you do. You either a) don’t take care of yourself, or b) you obsess over taking care of yourself to the point that if you break a nail, you feel like less of a person. You don’t take care of your things either. Extra points if you feel like you don’t deserve any better than to live in a junk pile, so you don’t clean your house/car/environment either.

7) You constantly feel the need to remake yourself, either physically or mentally in order to gain approval from others. And I mean ALL others. Parents, teachers, checkout girls, homeless people, people you can’t stand.. ANYONE who acts like they disapprove of you can send you into a spin.

8) You offer your friendship to anyone who comes along and will tolerate your presence, instead of choosing friends based on mutual esteem, similar likes and dislikes, etc. You expect people to treat you badly. You let your friends, relatives, or significant other take advantage of you.. borrow money they never pay back, stand you up for dates/events/girls night out, borrow things from you and return them broken/ruined or never return them at all. You choose to believe obvious lies in order to keep a relationship going rather than kick someone to the curb, even if they thoroughly deserve said kicking. If you are afraid to call someone out when they treat you badly, odds are 1,000 to 1 that you have a self-respect problem.

9) You don’t respect others enough to show up on time for things, return their stuff to them in the same condition it was in when you borrowed it, and turn the phone off (or at least on silent) when you’re out with them.

10) You teach your children that they’re not worth anything either; you don’t protect them from bad influences, situations, and people. You teach them not to defend themselves when others take advantage of them. You tell them that another person is “out of their league” either as a friend or as a potential relationship. You undermine their ability to make sound judgments. You don’t provide a good example or a stable environment.

11) You are a perpetual victim who can't seem to take responsibility for your own actions. You are terrified to stand up for yourself, take a position, take responsibility, and be accountable. You can't stand church because you are mad at God.. You don't feel like you deserve his attention, much less his love.

I promise I’m not preaching here, y'all. I have been guilty of all of the above, except for #3 and #10, at some point in my life.. and #10 only because I don't have any children. It's a hard realization to come to. It's hard to accept these things about myself.. but I can't fix a problem I'm not aware of, can I?

You can't either. Just sayin..

Car Doors (and other things that SLAM)

Papa Ridgeback has an interesting post today about men and relationships (SLAM!). Lots of true things there. You should check it out.

Speaking of slamming doors.. I have been thinking about my niece S lately and her apparent lack of self respect (at the risk of being overly cryptic, those who need to know, know what I'm referring to here).. and my sister's and my own obvious lack of self respect in our younger days (That's a whole 'nother post by itself!). I really do think it comes down to two things: 1) No father at home, and 2) our Extremely Strange, Unusual, Weird, and Otherworldly Upbringing.

For example.. I can remember when I was about 8 or 9 years old, going door to door preaching with a certain uncle-by-marriage. We'll call him Frag. Anyway there was a whole group of us, but I went to the door with Frag for some reason. We were driving one of those late-70s-early-80s type cars with the doors that weigh approximately 4 tons each, with the handles that needed a jack and a sledge hammer to lift. Because of my experience with this car already that day, I waited for Frag to open the door... BAD IDEA.

His words are seared into my brain to this day: "Who do you think you are, some kind of little Princess? Waiting to have the door opened for you! What a spoiled little brat! What makes you think that somebody should open the door for you, ever??"

Of course, this is the same uncle who wasted no opportunity to comment on what spoiled brats my sister and I were. He's also the same one who slapped me across the face with a toy rubber snake once and left a welt that didn't go away for a week. Not exactly someone whose comments should make a noticeable dent in a child's self image.. but they did.

I said that to say this... an addition to Papa's comments if you will... Be careful what you say to and about children in their hearing, especially girls. Your words can have more of an impact than you think. Especially if you are a man and you are talking to a little girl whose daddy lives somewhere else.

Oh and by the way.. L opens doors. Sometimes even for other guys. ;-)

Later: Self Respect.. Surprising or Not?

Go Drive!

Like my new hat?

I know, I know, I'm not smiling in this picture. But the one where I was smiling made my look mentally challenged. Not to mention asymmetrical. So you get this one. :-)

L is watching some nature show on etv and I've been listing on ebay and surfing my friends' blogs...

Tomorrow, it's back to work and band practice.. and the 5:30 am workout...

You Asked for It..

Well.. I'm finally updating after an extremely frustrating visit to NC. It took me a few days to think before I could really write about it. If I had written before, it would have been a real rant that I would probably regret later. So, here I am, 3 days later...

I drove to the hospital early, got lunch, and brought some to Mom. I talked to her and GM and GF for a little while, and it became clear to me that they were all more concerned with a) being in control and b) keeping the farm at all costs and c) emphasizing their "stand" as J-frikkin-Ws (when this situation has NOTHING to do with religion, no how, no way). They are more interested in those things than in what's actually safest for them and for mom.

We went to meet with the staff at the rehab where she's at now, and we talked and they looked at the power of attorney documents and basically said that since GF has medical POA, there isn't a thing we can do, even though the entire staff expressed that they agree with me and that mom is not making a smart decision.

But there's no talking to my family. Especially Mom. She has a head like a rock, and once she gets and idea in her head, there isn't any talking her out of it, even if you show her a better way. Even the therapist at the rehab said that. But there isn't anything I can do. If she gets hurt, it's on her. It's her own fault.. and she could have avoided a lot of the bad situations in her life if she had made smart decisions.

After talking to Mom for a little while longer after everybody left, and then I decided I'd had enough NC for one day and went home.

But I learned a few things, and it's time for a list anyway:

1) My mother is very very manipulative and stubborn and infuriating in the extreme, but she is also pitiful. Her leg looks awful, her feet are swelling to three times their normal size, and she's depressed and sad and hates everything, basically. But, no matter how many options there are to make her life better, and no matter how I could help her if she'd let me, she isn't going to let me. One some perverse level, she wants things the way they are.

2) My mother likes to try and change the subject in any conversation or discussion to something uncomfortable for me (or my sister, if that's who she's talking to) in order to take the attention away from any issues involving change for her. She accused me of wanting to steal something from her, she said I must want something of hers and that's why I was trying to "put her in a home." Then she must have brought up J and all that crap at least 14 times. My teeth have suffered from excessive grinding.

3) I think about 50% of the reasons why I have detested JW's over the years has been because of my mother. I think a lot of the things are Mom issues and not JW issues. This is not to say that I'll ever go to a KH again.. I won't. But it was a startling realization. My sister makes a good point that if Mom weren't a JW, she'd be a Branch Davidian or a Moonie or one of those people who think a spaceship is coming to get them.

4) Trigger is the ultimate relaxation. I can't think about anything else when I'm with him, because he requires 100% of my attention when I'm there. Spending a day with him always de-stresses me. I had a great ride with MM and T, the new guy yesterday. I came home in a much better state of mind.

5) Now, if I could just figure out the mystery that is L.. Sometimes the man I'm going to marry is completely and totally confusing.

Later: Take me out to the ballgame...