This is Where We Ride.

Here's where Trigger and I went yesterday (and where we go every weekend). This is our waterfall:
And there's a place where there are tons of trees with vines like this:
Then there's an area where the bamboo is taking over. I love the color of it:
And of course, there's a river:
Trigger is flexing his neck here, and also checking out my foot. I think he found it somewhat tasty. :-)

Friday's List

1) My secret mission went well. Now if I can just follow up...

2) If you heard unexplained 80's music yesterday, it was coming from my office. ("You dropped da bomb on me, behbeh, you dropped da bomb on me"). Things got shook up a little.. and nothing may come of it at all. But more than likely everything is about to change.

3) I made chicken last night, breaded with pine nuts, parmigiano-reggiano, italian bread crumbs, and garlic, then sauteed. I served it with fennel slaw, and it was really, really good. I had never eaten fennel. I was pleasantly surprised.

4) I have been reading some books about this thing they call ADD. I am frankly shocked at how much of the stuff I have always just assumed was "wrong" with me was actually due to ADD. I think my mother's entire family has it, and I think my dad may have a touch of it too, although he has much better coping strategies than mom does. LOL

5) I'm going to see Trigger now...

Later: Some interesting quotes from the various ADD books, and maybe some pictures from the ride..

My Future Child's Future Pony

This is Teddy. He belongs to a tiny girl at our barn. Teddy only comes up to my waist. He is SO CUTE! When his little girl outgrows him, I want him!! He is very sweet!
This is Barney, the miniature donkey. He is also terribly cute (and loud sometimes!).

In other news:
1) In the wake of our horrible houseguest, the guest room is being fully sanitized for your safety. ;-)
2) I have a headache already, and it's still very early in the morning. I hope this is a better day for me than yesterday was.
3) The new job is not going to be the new job for me. I have decided that even if they do eventually make an offer, unless the money is spectacular, (and even then there's no guarantee it'll be worth it), I ain't their girl. I've never seen so much disorganization in my life. I don't think it's for me.

The Funniest Thing on the Internets

I have discovered LOLCATS.
Ahhhhhhhhahahahaaaaaha! I have laughed myself silly! I have laughed until I cried!
Ohhhh dear.. LOOK at this:

Hide and Watch

I am on a secret mission.

I can't say what it is.. only that it is secret and it is a mission.

Heh. Heh. Heh.

I have decided to remove myself from the list for the new job. I don't want it after all. But that has very little to do with my secret mission. It is only a side note for those who might be interested.

I am reading a book about me right now. I didn't know it was about me when I picked it up at the library, but it definitely is.

Later: A few quotes from this highly amusing and interesting book.

Universal Question

I'd really like to know why I am so morose and depressed right now. It's not as if there is actually anything wrong, other than the half-hearted job-search and the vague feeling that somehow I'm missing the boat.

Maybe I just need to spend more time with L and/or Trigger and not work so hard. Work really isn't anywhere near as personally rewarding, and I give it far too much time and attention.

Speaking of which, it's time to go, isn't it?

Ok, one more thing, and then I'll go. I need to find a new band. I'm not going to be able to afford to set up the studio anytime soon so that I can work on the CD, so I might as well be playing gigs and making some spare change at least.

I feel very Eeyore-ish today.

Sometimes I think..

Sometimes I look at the magazines that come in the mail, and at the t.v. shows that come on at night and think...

Wow, I could do better.

I could write a better script.
I could write a better song.
I could design a better outfit.
I could sing much better than half the kids on American Idol this year.. I'm just too damn old.

What the heck has happened to American culture?? Am I just getting old and crotchety, or has real talent and creativity gone down the tubes?

Or maybe everyone else's parents discouraged them too. Maybe no one in my generation actually took their talents seriously.

I wish I had. If I had followed my original dream, I could have been blazing a creative trail right now. Instead I am doing a boring desk job because it's stable, putting my writing, music, and art on a back burner because I don't have time for it, and regretting it already.

Who knows what it will feel like 5 years from now? But it's a good 10 years too late for me. My time for flying by the seat of my pants is long gone.

So. Suck it up and deal with it, eh?

So Busy.. Only Time for Kitties

The Duck is a lovely centerpiece..

Those gold/orange eyes are kinda freaky though.. He is thinking interesting thoughts.
Monster Head is busy being comfortable.
He has been feeling very snuggly lately. I wish I could bring him to work with me..

February List

It's list time again (It's always list time around here..)

1) I went back to work today. I lasted about 5 hours.

2) I have to last longer than that tomorrow.. I have an interview, and I have to be able to knock their socks off. Not an easy task when recovering from the Monster-Flu.

3) Speaking of Monsters, mine is yowling now (along with the Duck) because he didn't want to go out to the garage for the night. Unfortunately he had to, because he and Duckie can't leave me alone at night. Monster would spend the whole night either trying to open the bedroom door, or if he succeeded at getting in, licking and grooming my hair or lying his large, loaf-like self on my head while I tried to sleep. This cannot be tolerated for obvious reasons (the main one being suffocation).

4) I'm almost done writing thank-you notes from the wedding! 50-something down, only 7 to go! My hands are tired. I don't think I have written this much by hand in at least ten years. Maybe 15.. it was before I had a computer, I can tell you that.

5) Finally got the Social Security card today! Now maybe I can get the giant, snarling mess that is HR straightened out about what my name actually IS.

6) I actually cooked a real dinner for myself this evening. I rarely ever cook if I'm by myself, but I did today. I figured I needed some real food that didn't come from a can or a bag. I made sauteed chicken breast with garlic and green onion and olive oil, with rice pilaf, pine nuts, and a spinach salad. Yum.

7) And speaking of food, if any of you dear readers EVER hear me suggest eating fast food again (other than Chick-fil-A), please force feed me steak until I regain my senses. I ate a burger from Sonic the other day because I was too sick to stand at the stove long enough to cook (and I was at the drug store anyway). Wow, I only thought I was sick with the flu. Try the flu on top of greasy, smelly, nasty fast-food nausea! Yecch!

8) But I still like cherry-lime-ade.

9) This is the longest list I have done in a very long time.

10) Has PR stopped allowing comments on his blog??

Ok, I have long since entered a fade for the day. Time to get in the amazing electric bed and try to get my snooze on.

P.S.; 11) American Idol: The girls are awesome this year (except for a few of them). But the guys.. only three of them really seem to have talent. Nick A is my favorite so far..

Ok, that's really enough. Going. Now. To get my snooze on.

The Flu

I really hate the flu.

I have been out of work all week with it. I can't really seem to do anything without being exhausted within a few minutes. I went to get a burger at Sonic earlier (yuck, what was I thinking??) and felt like I had run a marathon by the time I got back.

I just didn't feel like cooking, and I was out of canned soup. I should have had macaroni & cheese or something, because now my stomach feels all queasy and gross on top of the rest of the flu symptoms.

I hope I can go back to work tomorrow. I have an interview on Friday to be ready for!

My V-Day Presents and Other Interesting Pictures

Here's what L got for me for Valentine's Day:

I love the heart bracelet! And the necklace is very heavy silver. The pearls match the other bracelet he gave me for my birthday last year. :-)
These are the new shoes I bought on Friday. They were on sale for $38.. they had been $100 at Macy's before. :-) I think they are very cute, especially the ribbon ties!

Quote

"This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy."
--George Bernard Shaw

Do YOU Ever Feel..

..like a human toxic waste dump? Does it seem like people only want to talk to you about all the negatives in their lives? Does it seem like any time YOU have a bad day, that no one wants to listen?

..like no one really has time for you? In general, people are fine with the status quo as long as you are doing something for them, but when it's time to return the favor, everyone suddenly has other plans.

..like you know the way you feel is pretty dumb, but you can't stop feeling that way?

..like everything in your life is in limbo and no resolution is in sight?


If you do feel like this, ...well you're weird then. I've certainly never felt that way. (How do you type a smiley face rolling its eyes in blatant sarcasm??)

I need to go see Trigger.

Monday Monday

I am annoyed with MySpace right now. It WILL NOT let me upload any wedding pictures for some reason. Ordinarily this would not bother me, as MySpace is not really a priority for me.. but several of L's cousins from Louisiana wanted to see some pics, and I can't get them to upload.. until I have time to edit the files to make them smaller.

I'll put that on the list behind the 420,000 other things I need to be doing right now. :-[

I am also annoyed because I came home from work and cooked for an hour and a half and not only did my recipe not turn out the way I wanted it to (my potatoes were not fluffy enough and it's more like soup than shepherd's pie), but then L got all snippy about my wanting to have a particular picture in the wedding album that he had deleted from the list.

Whatever. Who cares? It's not the end of the world, and it's not like we aren't going to have 25 other albums. So I just left it out.

And now I have to go work on thank-you notes, or they will NEVER get done.

Did I mention that I am slightly annoyed??

All I Have Time For is Lists

So here you go, today's list:

1) Date night last night was Checkov's The Seagull at the Warehouse Theatre. Very interesting, and I must say that I had forgotten how much I enjoyed live theatre, in the round. The coffee was terrible though.

2) That fluffy baby blue bathrobe I got for Christmas was great until I realized that now everything I own is covered in little baby blue fluff balls that adhere to other fabric like super glue. :-[

3) I am beginning to seriously resent my to-do list. Everything on it is important and HAS to be done, and I have time for none of it, basically.

4) We are in dire need of groceries!

5) V-Day is this week.. I've got L a little present, but I want to get something else. As usual, i have NO IDEA what else to get him.

And now I'm off to see the Trigger at last..

Ready to Run

I need about three days. If I had an extra three days this week to do stuff I need to do, I might actually get caught up.

As it is, there is pretty much no hope. Oh well.

I don't even have anything interesting to say except for:

1) Debt collectors are bad enough when they are attempting to collect a debt that you actually owe.. they're even worse when they're calling you about someone else's debt that has nothing to do with you. Ten times worse if they are unethical, dishonest, misleading, and nasty.
The particular gentleman who had the misfortune of calling me should read his FDCPA very carefully.

2) I miss Trigger. I never get to see him anymore. :-(

Random List for the Disenfranchised

1) I always wanted to say "disenfranchised." Makes me think of someone stealing a chain of McDonalds' or something.

2) Taxes. Yeesh!

3) Hot pink is a good color this evening.

4) I would rather dig ditches than go to the DMV again this year.

5) New sheets are awesome. 620 thread count = very comfy.

6) I am boycotting chicken for the rest of the week. I am SICK of chicken right now. (Chick fil A for lunch, chicken for dinner tonight, chicken for dinner two nights ago, chicken for lunch on Saturday, cluck cluck cluckety cluck! I need some STEAK.

And now, I am off to bed.
Tomorrow: Insanity at work! Again!

Date Night!

Tonight L and I went to see "The Bucket List."
If you see no other movie this year, see this one. It is that good. You might want to take some kleenex though. Even L was crying at the end.

After the movie, we went to dinner at a tiny little Italian place called Giovanni's. They had 15 tables in there, tops, and the proprietor and all of the staff had thick Italian accents. It was like a restaurant you see in the movies.. the Godfather or something. The food was excellent beyond all expectations, and we had a great time.

Date night rocks...

Coming Down

..But not really coming down at all.

More like full steam ahead.

I am so busy at work that I will never dig my way out from under the mountain. And once again I am the subject of the rumor mill. Never mind that I suspect that the gentleman in question is actually carrying on a clandestine thing with someone else. Never mind that he is old enough to be my dad. Never mind that I have really buttoned it up this past month. No more jeans to the office, always wear hose, no low cut blouses, nothing tight or short. I am a married woman, as well.. a VERY RECENTLY married woman.

And yet, old biddies will always be old biddies on a fact finding mission. This is all very cryptic for most of you, I know, but I can't give out identifying details for fear it'll make the problem worse. Suffice it to say that there is another very specific individual in our office who deserves the "office ho" label way more than I do. I think it's ridiculous that some people always think people are having some kind of affair if they are ever seen within 15 feet of one another. Jeez.

Anyway I will be out of there soon, I think. I'm hoping for a call about an interview very soon. I'm keeping a lookout for the smoke signals and keeping my mouth shut.

L is feeling better from his bout with the flu, but he is still slightly cranky. I am extremely cranky today, however, and not just about work. I am in the midst of the worst bout of PMS I have ever had. EVERYTHING is getting on my nerves right now. It is a struggle not to snap the head off of anyone who speaks to me about ANYTHING. I really need to cut my losses and call it a day, but I still have too many things to do. :-[ Even the doggets are annoying me.

Barnie keeps slurping water out of his bowl, and it makes an annoying noise. Denver keeps shoving his nose under my arm and into my ribs because he wants attention. I am being a real bitch about it, and I know it. They are just dogs. I am just in a bad mood and my back hurts. L has already asked me if I would like to go give the cats a good swift kick in the interests of fairness.

I glared at him and continued eating my lukewarm leftovers. I didn't feel like cooking.

In other news, it's cold. Brrrryzzz!!

Love Is All You Need

More More More

The girls..
The guys..
Me and CJ taking the long walk.
"The Band and I Do"
And here's H, being very careful not to drop the rings.. ;-)

More Details..

These cakes were the BEST!!

My bouquet, my great-grat-aunt's wedding ring on one hand, my engagement ring on the other..
L's pretty flower..

Details

The top of the cake..

Our "guest book"..
The Wedding March..
The Ryan Nicholas Inn..

More Pics.. This Might Take A while...

AC at the Bridesmaid Lunch..
S opening her gift from Blue Nile..
Slammi and her purple glasses..
The altar arrangement..
Here's what the place looked like before the celebration commenced..

A Few More..

Me and S, getting ready to head downstairs for the big event..
Here's L waiting..
The girls are doing their best pageant beauty queen imitations..
"Theah ah flowahs everywhayuh!!"

Getting Ready

We got our official photographer pictures back yesterday, but of course I'm not posting them yet. :-P Here are a few of us getting ready..



Today I am really sick. I think I have the flu. I started feeling bad yesterday while I was waiting in the endless line at the DMV, then the Social Security office, and then the DMV again. I have a new drivers license now, but I also have the flu.

Rehearsal Dinner Pictures...

Of course I'm not posting wedding shots yet! Ha! I have to do this slowly.. it's more fun that way!


Here's our setup for the rehearsal dinner at the Hyatt..Me, S, and Mom..
Me and L having a moment..
..And then things gang agley. This is where it all started to go South..

Quick List:
1) I sang the blues to a packed house at Brown Street, to wild applause. It was great!
2) The food was delicious and everyone seemed to have an awesome time..
3) .. Until my sister lost her mind. Don't want to talk about that so much..
4) I'm not posting pictures yet, but that doesn't mean that I can't tell you that my wedding day was the best day of my life.

Later:
A few very important moments from last night..

Wedding Day

The rehearsal dinner last night was awesome! Pictures will be forthcoming, later.
Brown Street Jazz Club was also awesome!

And the awesome just might end there for last night. My sister parted ways from the rest of us, along with my cousin W, to go dancing at the club across the street from the hotel. As of 5:10 am on my wedding day, they have not yet come back to the hotel.

If anyone knows anything of their whereabouts, call me, because if they don't show up soon I am going to completely lose it. I haven't slept well, to say the least.

Odds are the maid of honor will show up an hour before we are supposed to leave for the wedding, coming down from a good bender and expecting the world to stop for her as usual.

Can you tell I am a leeeetle put out at the moment?? I was really hoping to get some sleep tonight...

Day After Tomorrow

Ok, now I am excited.

Yesterday was stressful, with house cleaning and shopping and getting stuff together for the next few days.. but this morning I feel better.

It started snowing last night while I was at Sam's buying food for tonight, and this is what my yard looks like now:
This is Oscar, one of our resident gargoyles.

And here's Theodore. He actually likes the snow, I think. Reminds him of home. ;-)

Anyway, I have to drive to Seneca in the snow to deliver some stuff to the bakers, and then I have to come home and make stew for the avalanche of relatives that will be descending on our house this afternoon. Then it's off to the airport to pick up a contingent of said relatives... and then it's a snowball effect from there.

LOL You like my snow puns, don't you?

Don't Know Why I'm Feeling Down

...
Could be because I am exhausted and I can't seem to get caught up with all the stuff that needs to be done RIGHT NOW!!! I am amazed by the number of adults running around with their heads on fire, as if I am the only person on the planet in possession of a water hose.

I guess I am just feeling overwhelmed, with work in a mess and the wedding only days away, and a boatload or two of totally insane relatives on the way.

I need a list:

1) I don't know why in times like this I start to honestly feel like people are only pretending to like me. I don't know why anyone would ever do that.. there wouldn't really be any benefit in it, but sometimes that thought bugs me.

2) I don't really feel like it's a new year; I feel like it won't be a new year until January 20th. Is that weird?

3) I wish Monster and Duckie could be inside more when I am home. By the time I get here, it is usually the doggies' turn to be inside the house. Cats stay in the garage when the dogs are in, in order to avoid becoming part of the menu. But I would really like a furry little snuggle right now, and I am sure that my Monster would oblige. He probably needs the rest, since he and Duckie seem to have taken their diet seriously. They have been chasing each other all over the house, pouncing and growling, for several days. It looks like great fun.

4) By the way, Trigger is excellent as usual. We went for a ride on Sunday, and he was the soul of patience, even though the other gelding on the ride was obviously trying to rile him up. Trigger behaved beautifully (only pinned his ears back two or three times), until the really attitudinal (but gorgeous!) mare in the front was made to come to the back of the line with us. Her owner wanted to work on her trail manners.. but I had to call time, since I have a wedding in MERE DAYS and I don't want to walk down the aisle in a full body cast, thanks just the same. Trigger doesn't like being in close proximity to edgy mares. I don't blame him, to be honest.

5) Dinner tonight was pan seared lemon chicken on garlic onion rolls, topped with arugula, pears, and prosciutto in white wine and mustard vinaigrette. I was feeling ambitious. It was delish. :-D

Feeling slightly gloomy playlist:
"Down On Me" - Janis Joplin

Tomorrow: Dinner at AC's-- she doesn't cook, but it sounds good anyway!
American Idol on the big screen...
Last day of work before the wedding extravaganza!!!

Free Bird!!!

I'm sorry, that's just awesome. :-)

uuuuuuuughpdate

The bridal shower was really nice. We have lots of thank you cards to write. :-) I was having a pretty good day, as you can imagine.

And then..

On the heels of the shower (such a nice experience), I find out that I have made a mistake and it came up at audit of one of our projects. It was an honest mistake, and frankly I don't think it's such a huge deal. We are able to fix it, and it's not as if it anyone is going to die (or even not get their money) because of it. It's basically the wrong 3-digit code put in the wrong little box on a form. I, however, will probably be written up for it, which infuriates me.

Not because I don't deserve to be written up.. I do, it was my mistake and it is a bad thing for our department. No, I am really angry because I perceive a disparity between my work and that of a certain other person in the office who shall remain nameless.. and yet here I am with the first issue like this in 3 years. I realize that I have a huge chip on my shoulder about this issue. And I realize that I could be totally wrong. But try as I might, I cannot wrap my head around the idea that this person may actually do better work than I do.

It's just not possible. If I were forced to believe that, I'd just have to shoot myself, to quote Dorothy Parker.

I really really hope that I get called back for an interview with another department soon. It is just time for me to move on.

In other news, L rocks. Just thought I'd throw that in.. :-)
Tonight: Social committee meeting for the neighborhood?

Fly By List

Ten days until the wedding and I am sort of struggling. There is drama at every turn and 100,000,000 things to check up on, phone calls to make, and questions to answer before the big day.

funny conversation last night:
L: What is all that stuff you have written down there?
B: That's the list of stuff I have to do before the end of this week for the wedding.
L: Oh. Well ok. What do I need to do before the wedding? How do I need to work it so that I can get everybody (meaning his visiting relatives) to and from the site and all that?
B: [blank look] Doesn't it look like I have enough to do on this list? I think you're on your own there...

So we ate some pasta and watched the news.

So, a list:

1) Why are people's reactions so different in similar situations? What makes one person go berserk and violent, and another wash their hands of the situation and walk away?
2) Why does family go insane at the first mention of a major life event? Why does everything have to be such a screaming, fighting, name-calling, back-biting, mean thing? Why can't something be normal for a change? Even if it starts to look normal for a minute, one person starts needling the other and pretty soon there's a catfight. [Note to relatives on both sides: there will be a substantial law enforcement presence at my wedding. They will not hesitate to take you out. And I promise I will point and laugh.] I have a few words of advice for those who like to argue a lot: leave it alone for eleven days. Then you can have at it all you want.
3) Bridal shower at work today. Wheee!
4) I love toasted bagels.. but I hate it when that charred piece at the top stabs you in the roof of your mouth when you bite into it.. (that was random, wasn't it?)

Oh well, off to the salt mines...

Oh, Baby..

You, dear readers, need cheering up. Don't ask me how I know; I just do. So, for your viewing pleasure, here is L as a baby:

And, not to be left out, me as a baby:

Yay!

Resolution 2008

Ok, so it is true that New Year's Resolutions are just "rules" you make and then immediately break, so that you can be justified in feeling bad about yourself for the rest of the year.

Well, aren't they??

So this year instead of making pie-in-the-sky resolutions of the "right nigh on impossible" variety (get in perfect shape, don't make any mistakes, start new career as a rock star/best-selling author, etc), I am going to do something I have never done: make reasonable resolutions.

What, you didn't realize that ORP (ordinary, reasonable person) was a play on words? Of course I'm not ordinary, and sometimes not very reasonable. Trust me, this will be a new thing for me.

So.. here we go:

1) I'm going to exercise 3 times per week. It can be 15 minutes' worth, but I am going to do it. I am a much nicer person when I work out my aggressions on some piece of exercise equipment and not on some other person.

2) I am going to stop taking my job so seriously. It's not as if anyone else does. And if certain other people can do this job and not be stressed to the limit, that should tell me something.. (i.e. that I am putting in way more than I am getting back out!)

3) I am going to refocus on what is important to me; my marriage, my home, my family, my interests. I have a bad habit of putting everything else ahead of what I really care about (The house has to be spotless before I can even think about playing music! or I have worked myself to death and I'm too tired to spend any time with L during the week!)

4) I am going to pick the goals that really matter to me and pursue those few, instead of spreading myself so thin that I can't accomplish anything.

5) I am going to get a new car this year.

6) I am going to get my recording equipment and start recording my own songs. Apparently even when I pay a studio to record my music, there is always some issue; either the technician doesn't like my music and wants to rewrite it, or the musicians I am working with don't consider what I do to be "good enough" and try to turn it into something else entirely. The result is that I haven't focused on my own music in several years now. I listened to an old recording this morning, and ... damn, y'all. People can sneer at it if they want (and some have, loudly). No one has to like it or the message conveyed in it, but it ain't bad. The point is the only way I am going to get my music done in the way I want to do it is to do it myself. At this point, I am so far past caring if anyone else likes it that it doesn't even approach funny. It's my music. It's about me. I don't care if anyone else even hears it. I just want it to exist.

So, that should keep me busy for a while, ya think?

New Year

We have survived another New Year's Eve at our house!

We ended up cooking Manhattan NY Strips with a sauce made of whiskey, vermouth, butter, onions, and the various seasonings from the steak (my first flambe! Aren't we all proud that a) it tasted good and b) I didn't burn the house down?). We didn't go out anywhere.. AC and SM came over and we just hung around and talked and drank a lot.

Today I am up early (dogs kept waking me up, so I finally decided to get up already). L is still asleep. I am going riding today, and I hope Trigger remembers who I am after not seeing me for almost 2 weeks! It is supposed to be COLD today, but at least it won't be raining.

We need more rain, but it can do that tomorrow. :-)

Later: New Years Resolutions?