So THIS is Why My Sister Loves the Tanning Bed...

Little Miss High Fashion, circa 1984-1985.. white tights and capris.. with a SWEATER. We never had any understanding of fashion on any level. What I love about this picture is my sister's certainty that she is the IT girl.. you can see it on her face. Well, if you look real hard underneath the glasses. They did seem to grow right along with her, didn't they?

I also must go on record to say that I absolutely abhor the decor of our house back then. This was before the Big Divorce, (we refer to this as B.C.P. or before contact paper). After the Big Divorce, the kitchen got a contact paper makeover. But the floor was still orange, green, yellow, and brown. So if you didn't look down, it was okay, I guess. They should have provided airsick bags for in case you did look down, though.

Damn, girl. Those are some WHITE legs..

All of the indoor pictures of when we were kids are terrifying because of the sheer junkiness of our house. I always remember Mom frantically scrubbing and cleaning and screaming at us to move our crap somewhere out of the main traffic areas, but still, in every picture there are mountains of junk threatening to collapse and bury us like Vesuvius buried Pompeii. But once again, I digress.

Here we have the Little Trailer on the Prairie..

They MUST have been going to another wedding. Dad wouldn't have been caught dead in that otherwise. His bowtie is singing "I'll Fly Away" at the top of its lungs. It's certainly large enough. His shoes don't match either. And Mom and Lil Kimmy both look like they're wearing nightgowns.
Public Service Announcement: THIS IS NOT A HALLOWEEN PICTURE! Believe it or not, this was for a wedding shower.. we were doing a Hee Haw Show. How completely f---ing appropriate.

I am the one in the black shoes, with my socks pulled up as high as they will go. The other kid is my best (translated: only) friend.. because my mother didn't want me to hang out with anyone else. She was an Approved Associate, you know. Because Bad Association Spoils Useful Habits. Bleah! Hurl! Auuughhhgggaaahhhtyrhsdkjhg!!!!

The masks were made from Clorox bottles and I remember ripping it off repeatedly because it was making me dizzy. It positively reeked. It's a wonder I didn't asphyxiate. But it's a cute picture, and we all know a cute picture is worth ANY price.

Aside from L: Damn, y'all took too many pictures when you were a kid!