Our date night this week was last night, and we went to Cafe and Then Some in greenville. It was a riot! We laughed so hard our faces hurt! The food wasn't so great, but it wasn't bad either. Next time we'll just have dinner somewhere else, and do drinks and dessert there at the theatre. The show was absolutely hilarious. So. Another successful date night.
And it's time for me to start planning for next week. What to do, what to do... :) I am sure I can think of something...
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Defying Death and Other Thoughts
My horse almost killed me today. I was mucking out stalls and putting down new bedding. I had horse cookies in my pocket, and fed him one. I was petting him like I do every time I see him, and all of a sudden he turns and lets fly with both hind hooves.
Now granted, he had been galloping back and forth across the pasture like a madman all afternoon, he and the other horse, Sundance, biting each other, playing, and generally acting insane. I don't know if the other horse was doing something to Trigger or what incited him to violence, but one of those hooves with 1200 pounds of raw power behind it whizzed past my ear. His hoof hit my ponytail. That's how close I came to being killed today.
Just a friendly reminder that horses are great, but you have to respect that kind of power in the hooves of what amounts to a 1200 pound 2-year-old. That is the extent of their cognitive ability.
I went home subdued and thinking about church this morning of all things.
Maybe it is best that I don't record my thoughts here. Perhaps they are not the type of thoughts that are okay for general consumption. Like many of my closest-held of beliefs and ideas, some of my views on religion in general and this area's churches in particular are ..inflammatory. Suffice it to say that they are serious thoughts. Maybe I will tackle them here at some point. and maybe not.
Well, okay, maybe one of them. Just a teeny tiny one.
Every church I have ever been inside of has believed that God endorsed their particular brand of Christianity. Every one of them believes that God accepts their brand of worship best, and that they are somehow superior to other churches. Some are more vocal about this than others, but you get the idea. Each pastor exhorts his congregation to behave in certain ways, and not to behave in certain ways. Each church staff, right down to the last choir member, stands in front of the congregation representing their faith, like it or not. Representing themselves as somehow above the sinful, slogging masses--whether they willfully do so or not is immaterial. It just goes with the territory.
Every church feels that God condones them and borrows the creedence of scripture-- Our actions are sanctioned by the Lord. What we do is the Will of God. Even when they're dead wrong sometimes. And individuals within the church presume to speak for the church, make horrible examples of themselves, and then act as if they piss perfume for no other reason than that they go to church more often than you or I do.
Y'all, I just can't bring myself to believe that God sanctions or even cares about any of that. When there are children starving in Africa, and people doing horrible things to each other every day, in every city and town in every state in every country on earth, I have a hard time believing that a God worth his salt cares how one church or another does business. It would be wrong somehow if he did.
Now I don't presume to say that the ALmighty does things wrong. I'm just saying that this is how I see it. Christians are supposed to have a personal relationship with the Living God. I think for a lot of people, (myself and L included), church gets in the way of that.
Sad but true. I am an every-once-in-a-while churchgoer for that reason. I go more than once a quarter or so, and I begin to doubt God in a bigger way than I care to contemplate. Call it my own failing if you will.. I just can't see Him in some of the ways that others seem to be able to.
And don't even get me started on the other Deep Thoughts for the Day.
I'm going to put some pork chops in the marinade and start making the au gratin potatoes for dinner tonight. After a day of contemplating Religion and defying death by equine, I think I need some quality snuggle time on the couch. My boyfriend and my cat await...
Now granted, he had been galloping back and forth across the pasture like a madman all afternoon, he and the other horse, Sundance, biting each other, playing, and generally acting insane. I don't know if the other horse was doing something to Trigger or what incited him to violence, but one of those hooves with 1200 pounds of raw power behind it whizzed past my ear. His hoof hit my ponytail. That's how close I came to being killed today.
Just a friendly reminder that horses are great, but you have to respect that kind of power in the hooves of what amounts to a 1200 pound 2-year-old. That is the extent of their cognitive ability.
I went home subdued and thinking about church this morning of all things.
Maybe it is best that I don't record my thoughts here. Perhaps they are not the type of thoughts that are okay for general consumption. Like many of my closest-held of beliefs and ideas, some of my views on religion in general and this area's churches in particular are ..inflammatory. Suffice it to say that they are serious thoughts. Maybe I will tackle them here at some point. and maybe not.
Well, okay, maybe one of them. Just a teeny tiny one.
Every church I have ever been inside of has believed that God endorsed their particular brand of Christianity. Every one of them believes that God accepts their brand of worship best, and that they are somehow superior to other churches. Some are more vocal about this than others, but you get the idea. Each pastor exhorts his congregation to behave in certain ways, and not to behave in certain ways. Each church staff, right down to the last choir member, stands in front of the congregation representing their faith, like it or not. Representing themselves as somehow above the sinful, slogging masses--whether they willfully do so or not is immaterial. It just goes with the territory.
Every church feels that God condones them and borrows the creedence of scripture-- Our actions are sanctioned by the Lord. What we do is the Will of God. Even when they're dead wrong sometimes. And individuals within the church presume to speak for the church, make horrible examples of themselves, and then act as if they piss perfume for no other reason than that they go to church more often than you or I do.
Y'all, I just can't bring myself to believe that God sanctions or even cares about any of that. When there are children starving in Africa, and people doing horrible things to each other every day, in every city and town in every state in every country on earth, I have a hard time believing that a God worth his salt cares how one church or another does business. It would be wrong somehow if he did.
Now I don't presume to say that the ALmighty does things wrong. I'm just saying that this is how I see it. Christians are supposed to have a personal relationship with the Living God. I think for a lot of people, (myself and L included), church gets in the way of that.
Sad but true. I am an every-once-in-a-while churchgoer for that reason. I go more than once a quarter or so, and I begin to doubt God in a bigger way than I care to contemplate. Call it my own failing if you will.. I just can't see Him in some of the ways that others seem to be able to.
And don't even get me started on the other Deep Thoughts for the Day.
I'm going to put some pork chops in the marinade and start making the au gratin potatoes for dinner tonight. After a day of contemplating Religion and defying death by equine, I think I need some quality snuggle time on the couch. My boyfriend and my cat await...
Friday, July 28, 2006
And She's...
.. THROUGH THE SURGERY AND DOING FINE.
*sigh*
Oh, wow, do I feel better all of a sudden! :) 8-12 weeks and she will be finished with the whole thing, barring any other bizarre accidents.
Thanks to all the people who prayed for us.. looks like it worked. :D
*sigh*
Oh, wow, do I feel better all of a sudden! :) 8-12 weeks and she will be finished with the whole thing, barring any other bizarre accidents.
Thanks to all the people who prayed for us.. looks like it worked. :D
Dog Day..
Here is Denver, resting on the pillow shams, on my side of the bed where he likes to be. He is a big baby.
And here is Barney napping in L's office, directly behind L's chair, where he likes to be so that any time L moves, he knows! He likes to make sure that L can't leave the room without him, or even move his chair without runnning over a doggy tail or leg or snout. This dog is madly in love with L and has major separation anxiety when L is out of town.
It's 5:23 and still no news about Mom. We probably won't hear anything until closer to 7.. that's when we heard from the doc last time. I have learned my lesson now. Never pray for patience, because you WILL learn it. I hate waiting, but I am definitely learning how to do it through this ordeal with Mom.
I spent most of the day playing with Trigger and A3 and Sundance (aka Goofus). Trigger has mastered the Circle Game now, and has overcome his fear of the waterhose. He is still a little shy around the bug spray bottle, but he is getting better. He also let me put a leg over his back today. I stood on the fence and rested one leg over his back for several minutes. He stood as still as a rock with his ears turned back toward me.. not laid back, but turned, like he was watching me.
A3 was riding her horse. She looks so good up there! :) I swear, she's such a good kid. If I am ever lucky enough to have a daughter, I hope she's like the Abinator. Seriously. You forget you're talking to a 16-year-old sometimes. And she has a gift with horses.
We're supposed to do dinner with A1 and A2 tonight. I think we've been squeezed into a "networking opportunity" but WTH. We love our friends. (Hey, Papa Ridgeback, if you feel like coming out, we'll be at Sullivan's around 7-7:30 or so and you are welcome to join us).
And now it's off to take a shower and scrape off the sweat, mud, and horsehair I am covered with. The dogs are fascinated with it. They don't know what a horse is, but they love the way it smells!
Knots
Well Good Morning. I slept okay, how about you?
Actually the fact that I slept at all was a small miracle. Mom went into surgery at 5 this morning. At least that's when she went to the hospital. She is in surgery as I type this. I haven't heard anything from anyone yet, and I assume that no news is good news. The Doctor probably isn't even halfway done with the surgery.
So, my stomach is in knots and probably will be until I hear from the doctor about how she did. In the meantime, I'm going to the feed store and going to see Trigger and then to lunch. Not very interesting, I know.. Sorry about it.
Actually the fact that I slept at all was a small miracle. Mom went into surgery at 5 this morning. At least that's when she went to the hospital. She is in surgery as I type this. I haven't heard anything from anyone yet, and I assume that no news is good news. The Doctor probably isn't even halfway done with the surgery.
So, my stomach is in knots and probably will be until I hear from the doctor about how she did. In the meantime, I'm going to the feed store and going to see Trigger and then to lunch. Not very interesting, I know.. Sorry about it.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Becoming Gold
Yes, I am listening to Marc Cohn again. This is not unusual.
I am also closer than ever to finishing the website project I have been working on for part of the last year. I say "part of" because I have had to squeeze it in between grant proposals, which come in an ever increasing deluge. Seriously. I'm up to my waist in paper right now. And I could use some waders because that's a lot of BS. ;)
And.. as of right now, it looks like Mom's surgery is going forward tomorrow morning. Those of you who are tight with the big G, now would be the time to pray for us. Those who aren't.. light a candle or something.
Tonight L and I are going grocery shopping, and then making spaghetti for dinner, because I'd rather eat spaghetti than pork chops today. I think L was looking forward to the chops, but he's very nice to me, and there's always tomorrow. Saturday is date night and I think L is planning to go to Cafe and Then Some. I've always heard about it, but I 've never been there. It should be fun. Looking forward to it. At least one morning this weekend I am going to the pool with an Oprah magazine, a novel, and a thermos full of something cold. Later: Something more interesting, I promise.
I am also closer than ever to finishing the website project I have been working on for part of the last year. I say "part of" because I have had to squeeze it in between grant proposals, which come in an ever increasing deluge. Seriously. I'm up to my waist in paper right now. And I could use some waders because that's a lot of BS. ;)
And.. as of right now, it looks like Mom's surgery is going forward tomorrow morning. Those of you who are tight with the big G, now would be the time to pray for us. Those who aren't.. light a candle or something.
Tonight L and I are going grocery shopping, and then making spaghetti for dinner, because I'd rather eat spaghetti than pork chops today. I think L was looking forward to the chops, but he's very nice to me, and there's always tomorrow. Saturday is date night and I think L is planning to go to Cafe and Then Some. I've always heard about it, but I 've never been there. It should be fun. Looking forward to it. At least one morning this weekend I am going to the pool with an Oprah magazine, a novel, and a thermos full of something cold. Later: Something more interesting, I promise.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Date Movie? Eaugh! And More...
I watched what was undoubtedly the stupidest movie I have ever seen tonight. Don't ask me why.. We wanted something funny, so L rented "Date Movie" because someone somewhere said it was funny. Well let me tell you right now that someone somewhere is a drooling myrmidon, because that was the most unfunny movie I have had the misfortune of seeing since "Deuce Bigelow." And that is saying something.
L cooked dinner tonight: chicken with mushroom sauce, saffron rice, and broccoli. (We like broccoli. Actually it was on sale.) Anyway, yum. He is now engaged in one of his favorite activities: Sitting in front of the TV reading a book. Yes, the TV is on.
Monster Head is prowling around the house, pretending to be afraid of things so he can fluff out his tail. He thinks his tail is very impressive tonight for some reason. He purrs uncontrollably when you pet him. He is a very strange creature.
But then, he was raised by hand, by me. That would make anyone or anything a little strange, in my opinion.
The nurse called from Arkansas this afternoon to give me the update on my mother. Apparently she is driving the surgeon and his entire staff stark raving mad. They are tentatively still planning to do the surgery on Friday, but I am not getting my hopes up, nor am I buying a plane ticket. I just know something is going to come up like it has every week since May. It is too much to hope that this could finally be over at the end of this week, and that she can start getting better instead of sitting there making up new things to worry about.
For instance, she has decided that the house GF is staying at is in a "rough part of town, " or as my grandmother says, in "Hornytown." Why she ever chose that particular name for any less affluent section of town populated by ethnic people I don't know. I always found it embarrassing when she'd say that.. Nothing like an old lady saying "Hornytown" out loud in public (especially when you happen to be walking through that dreaded locale) to make you want to jump in front of the nearest bus, especially if you are nine years old and you can't pretend you don't know her because she has your forearm in a vice grip. .. but I digress.
What I'm trying to say is that Mom has decided that because GF is staying in a "bad part of town" someone is going to mug him and murder him. I tried to point out that an 81-year-old man driving a beat-to-heck minivan and walking around with a cane and holes in his pants is hardly an ideal prospect for a mugger or a robber or anyone looking for cash. But Mom likes to worry. She stays busy with worrying and she doesn't have to think about anything else.. being the magnet for disaster that she is-- her air conditioning unit in her room at the nursing home caught fire last night.
She told the orderlies that she learned something that night. "You can't yell Please Help Me!! because nobody listens. But when you yell FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and scream bloody murder, that gets results!" Of course, smoke pouring out of the doorway probably helps.
But then that's my mother. If there is a deep body of water (she doesn't swim), she falls into it. If there is a car on the interstate that will spontaneously burst into flames, ten to one it will be hers. If there is a short circuit, a one in a million fluke, or an unimaginable series of disastrous events, you can bet that my mother will be at the epicenter. She is Ground Zero. Believe it.
Her doctor says that someday she is going to have to take some responsibility in her care. If she wants to be in control, she is going to have to accept responsibility and accountability. I say she will do that when pigs fly and they're holding the World Series of Ice Hockey in Hell. What she's doing has worked too well for her over the past half a century, and she doesn't intend to stop now.
My God, I could make a million dollars just telling all the stories from growing up with her.
But I only have time for one writing project, and that, dear readers, is this blog. Lucky you. ;) However, I have to go now because Monster is sitting on the desk, washing his white, stubby little paws, in preparation for his imminent attack.
L cooked dinner tonight: chicken with mushroom sauce, saffron rice, and broccoli. (We like broccoli. Actually it was on sale.) Anyway, yum. He is now engaged in one of his favorite activities: Sitting in front of the TV reading a book. Yes, the TV is on.
Monster Head is prowling around the house, pretending to be afraid of things so he can fluff out his tail. He thinks his tail is very impressive tonight for some reason. He purrs uncontrollably when you pet him. He is a very strange creature.
But then, he was raised by hand, by me. That would make anyone or anything a little strange, in my opinion.
The nurse called from Arkansas this afternoon to give me the update on my mother. Apparently she is driving the surgeon and his entire staff stark raving mad. They are tentatively still planning to do the surgery on Friday, but I am not getting my hopes up, nor am I buying a plane ticket. I just know something is going to come up like it has every week since May. It is too much to hope that this could finally be over at the end of this week, and that she can start getting better instead of sitting there making up new things to worry about.
For instance, she has decided that the house GF is staying at is in a "rough part of town, " or as my grandmother says, in "Hornytown." Why she ever chose that particular name for any less affluent section of town populated by ethnic people I don't know. I always found it embarrassing when she'd say that.. Nothing like an old lady saying "Hornytown" out loud in public (especially when you happen to be walking through that dreaded locale) to make you want to jump in front of the nearest bus, especially if you are nine years old and you can't pretend you don't know her because she has your forearm in a vice grip. .. but I digress.
What I'm trying to say is that Mom has decided that because GF is staying in a "bad part of town" someone is going to mug him and murder him. I tried to point out that an 81-year-old man driving a beat-to-heck minivan and walking around with a cane and holes in his pants is hardly an ideal prospect for a mugger or a robber or anyone looking for cash. But Mom likes to worry. She stays busy with worrying and she doesn't have to think about anything else.. being the magnet for disaster that she is-- her air conditioning unit in her room at the nursing home caught fire last night.
She told the orderlies that she learned something that night. "You can't yell Please Help Me!! because nobody listens. But when you yell FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and scream bloody murder, that gets results!" Of course, smoke pouring out of the doorway probably helps.
But then that's my mother. If there is a deep body of water (she doesn't swim), she falls into it. If there is a car on the interstate that will spontaneously burst into flames, ten to one it will be hers. If there is a short circuit, a one in a million fluke, or an unimaginable series of disastrous events, you can bet that my mother will be at the epicenter. She is Ground Zero. Believe it.
Her doctor says that someday she is going to have to take some responsibility in her care. If she wants to be in control, she is going to have to accept responsibility and accountability. I say she will do that when pigs fly and they're holding the World Series of Ice Hockey in Hell. What she's doing has worked too well for her over the past half a century, and she doesn't intend to stop now.
My God, I could make a million dollars just telling all the stories from growing up with her.
But I only have time for one writing project, and that, dear readers, is this blog. Lucky you. ;) However, I have to go now because Monster is sitting on the desk, washing his white, stubby little paws, in preparation for his imminent attack.
Monday, July 24, 2006
Fizzle, Pop, Fizzle
Ok, I feel like a dying campfire. Just barely enough energy left to fizzle and pop, but not enough to really do anything one way or the other.
Maybe this is just me dealing with the major stress I have going right now-- Mom has taken another turn for the worse. With as many "turns for the worse" as she has taken lately, it seems like she should have come back around full circle by now. But as it is, she is running a 103 fever and the docs have not called me to let me know the results of the blood work yet.
And tonight I am going to stop by to see Trigger for a few minutes, and then it's band practice, which means i won't get home until after 10, which means I won't be in bed until after 11. It also means no dinner and I already have a headache. But what can I do? I don't eat fast food, and I can't eat and then go sing. Trust me, that doesn't work so well.
Anyway, I hope that I can be productive tonight even though I feel like I weigh 900 pounds and I'm walking through waist deep mud. I'm that tired today. For no reason.
Ok, I've whined enough. I think I'll post a picture. That will make me feel better...
Maybe this is just me dealing with the major stress I have going right now-- Mom has taken another turn for the worse. With as many "turns for the worse" as she has taken lately, it seems like she should have come back around full circle by now. But as it is, she is running a 103 fever and the docs have not called me to let me know the results of the blood work yet.
And tonight I am going to stop by to see Trigger for a few minutes, and then it's band practice, which means i won't get home until after 10, which means I won't be in bed until after 11. It also means no dinner and I already have a headache. But what can I do? I don't eat fast food, and I can't eat and then go sing. Trust me, that doesn't work so well.
Anyway, I hope that I can be productive tonight even though I feel like I weigh 900 pounds and I'm walking through waist deep mud. I'm that tired today. For no reason.
Ok, I've whined enough. I think I'll post a picture. That will make me feel better...
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Sometimes only a list will do. And today it is indeed a LIST:
1) The dentist. It should be sufficient to say that I hate being stabbed with sharp metal hooks, especially that particular way that dentists do it.. stab, thrust, jerk that takes half your gum out with said hook. And this is the best dentist I have found-- by "best" I mean "most gentle" and "leaves the least amount of carnage behind." Still, I have been warned about my Diet Coke addiction and the dangers to my teeth. I have to return to the dentist on the 4th of August to have a filling. O joy! I can think of about 87,000 things I'd rather do.. but then I think about some of the teeth I've seen on some of the local residents and decide I'd better get it done. Quickly.
2) Sleep. It seems like lately I can't get enough sleep. I slept until 11am this morning.. that's 12 hours if you're counting. And I'm still tired. I am wondering if, combined with my general achiness and headaches this past week, this sleepiness is a harbinger of doom.. the flu perhaps? Or maybe just the heat? Who knows?
3) Date night was a resounding success, though. We had sandwiches at Smoke on the Water. The service was horrible, but the food was pretty good. Due to the service, we missed the first pitch, but the game was fun, and the Drive won. Next week it's his turn to plan, and I'm looking forward to seeing what he comes up with. :)
4) My Mother. *sigh* This is like the soap opera that never ends. The one where you watch it and say "There is no way that ANYTHING else can happen to these characters." Well, that's Mom. She now has some sort of virus. She has a 101 degree fever and is aching all over and can't control her bladder. They're not allowing her out of her bed anymore and they're talking about hospitalizing her again. She is supposed to have surgery the 28th, but once again it's looking unlikely, unless they feel that they can do it anyway, which I highly doubt. GF is staying with her as much as he can, but he isn't sounding so hot himself these days, and the last thing he needs to do is catch whatever this is that she has. Meanwhile GM is supposed to have her surgery August 14, which is getting closer every day. And the saga continues...
5) M called today and is supposed to be coming over to visit us.. but we haven't heard back from him and it's almost time to start thinking about dinner.. so.. I guess we'll see if he shows up. Would be good to see him, but I don't know where he disappeared to..
And now, the menu: ginger teriyaki salmon with green salad (raspberry walnut dressing and bleu cheese (of course!)) and broccoli..
1) The dentist. It should be sufficient to say that I hate being stabbed with sharp metal hooks, especially that particular way that dentists do it.. stab, thrust, jerk that takes half your gum out with said hook. And this is the best dentist I have found-- by "best" I mean "most gentle" and "leaves the least amount of carnage behind." Still, I have been warned about my Diet Coke addiction and the dangers to my teeth. I have to return to the dentist on the 4th of August to have a filling. O joy! I can think of about 87,000 things I'd rather do.. but then I think about some of the teeth I've seen on some of the local residents and decide I'd better get it done. Quickly.
2) Sleep. It seems like lately I can't get enough sleep. I slept until 11am this morning.. that's 12 hours if you're counting. And I'm still tired. I am wondering if, combined with my general achiness and headaches this past week, this sleepiness is a harbinger of doom.. the flu perhaps? Or maybe just the heat? Who knows?
3) Date night was a resounding success, though. We had sandwiches at Smoke on the Water. The service was horrible, but the food was pretty good. Due to the service, we missed the first pitch, but the game was fun, and the Drive won. Next week it's his turn to plan, and I'm looking forward to seeing what he comes up with. :)
4) My Mother. *sigh* This is like the soap opera that never ends. The one where you watch it and say "There is no way that ANYTHING else can happen to these characters." Well, that's Mom. She now has some sort of virus. She has a 101 degree fever and is aching all over and can't control her bladder. They're not allowing her out of her bed anymore and they're talking about hospitalizing her again. She is supposed to have surgery the 28th, but once again it's looking unlikely, unless they feel that they can do it anyway, which I highly doubt. GF is staying with her as much as he can, but he isn't sounding so hot himself these days, and the last thing he needs to do is catch whatever this is that she has. Meanwhile GM is supposed to have her surgery August 14, which is getting closer every day. And the saga continues...
5) M called today and is supposed to be coming over to visit us.. but we haven't heard back from him and it's almost time to start thinking about dinner.. so.. I guess we'll see if he shows up. Would be good to see him, but I don't know where he disappeared to..
And now, the menu: ginger teriyaki salmon with green salad (raspberry walnut dressing and bleu cheese (of course!)) and broccoli..
Thursday, July 20, 2006
The New Deal
Well folks, this has been an interesting week. It has contained both one of the worst days I have ever had as well as several really (really.. blush) good things that happened. You've already heard about my terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day.. So. The good things: One of them I will spare you.. but suffice it to say I am feeling good about life. The other involved a certain palomino..
Trigger looks so pretty when he's had a bath. And he is doing so well with the Parelli games! He can be Friendly, he can play the Porcupine game and the Driving game and he can almost Yo-Yo. To non-Parelli disciples, this is a bunch of gibberish, but it makes sense to me and Trig, so it's OK. One thing is for sure.. horses are one of the most relaxing things to me. Getting out there and playing with him and getting filthy and working my @$$ off with him works out all my aggressions, I guess.
Also, I had a strange deja vu yesterday at the barn... it could be one of the reasons I fell in love with Trigger as soon as I saw him, some residual image rattling around in my subconscious.. Anyway I have had recurring dreams of a huge black stallion all my life. I had recurring nightmares as well, but the horse dreams were always good ones. Anyway, this black horse is a big, thick draft horse, with long, curly hair, and he talks. I don't know his name, but he is very very cool. Well after Gracie died, she showed up in the dreams with the black horse. She is almost always with him. And a few months later, a golden colt started showing up with them as well.
Now I know that these are just dreams. Mishmash soup pinned together by my subconscious mind.. and the colt was a little colt-- big-kneed and fuzzy.. but when I had Trigger all shiny and sparkling in the sun after his bath yesterday, I had the weirdest feeling of having seen him before, in the dream, standing with Gracie and the stallion. I'm weird, yes, I know.
Anyway... This week we have implemented a new schedule, and we'll see how it goes. Tuesday and Thursday are "Together Nights" and once every weekend there is "Date Night." We take turns planning it. I had to start (of course.. I am the one in the doghouse, and pretty deservedly, I might add. I didn't think so before, but now I see his point) and so on Saturday we are going to Smoke on the Water for dinner and then to the Greenville Drive baseball game. I'll be sure and post the results of that.. should be interesting. :D
L cooked steaks tonight and I ate far more than I should have. But it was SO good... he even had bleu cheese, which is one of my favorite things. I sipped my cabernet and we watched a Tommy Lee Jones movie.. much lighter than his usual stuff, and funnier. It was stupid, of course it was.. but not quite as vapid as most, and that = good these days.
So. Bathroom is clean, laundry is started, and half the vacuuming is done.. Tomorrow I visit the dentist. Stay tuned.
Trigger looks so pretty when he's had a bath. And he is doing so well with the Parelli games! He can be Friendly, he can play the Porcupine game and the Driving game and he can almost Yo-Yo. To non-Parelli disciples, this is a bunch of gibberish, but it makes sense to me and Trig, so it's OK. One thing is for sure.. horses are one of the most relaxing things to me. Getting out there and playing with him and getting filthy and working my @$$ off with him works out all my aggressions, I guess.
Also, I had a strange deja vu yesterday at the barn... it could be one of the reasons I fell in love with Trigger as soon as I saw him, some residual image rattling around in my subconscious.. Anyway I have had recurring dreams of a huge black stallion all my life. I had recurring nightmares as well, but the horse dreams were always good ones. Anyway, this black horse is a big, thick draft horse, with long, curly hair, and he talks. I don't know his name, but he is very very cool. Well after Gracie died, she showed up in the dreams with the black horse. She is almost always with him. And a few months later, a golden colt started showing up with them as well.
Now I know that these are just dreams. Mishmash soup pinned together by my subconscious mind.. and the colt was a little colt-- big-kneed and fuzzy.. but when I had Trigger all shiny and sparkling in the sun after his bath yesterday, I had the weirdest feeling of having seen him before, in the dream, standing with Gracie and the stallion. I'm weird, yes, I know.
Anyway... This week we have implemented a new schedule, and we'll see how it goes. Tuesday and Thursday are "Together Nights" and once every weekend there is "Date Night." We take turns planning it. I had to start (of course.. I am the one in the doghouse, and pretty deservedly, I might add. I didn't think so before, but now I see his point) and so on Saturday we are going to Smoke on the Water for dinner and then to the Greenville Drive baseball game. I'll be sure and post the results of that.. should be interesting. :D
L cooked steaks tonight and I ate far more than I should have. But it was SO good... he even had bleu cheese, which is one of my favorite things. I sipped my cabernet and we watched a Tommy Lee Jones movie.. much lighter than his usual stuff, and funnier. It was stupid, of course it was.. but not quite as vapid as most, and that = good these days.
So. Bathroom is clean, laundry is started, and half the vacuuming is done.. Tomorrow I visit the dentist. Stay tuned.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
The Beef
Steak is one of the greatest culinary gifts God has given to humankind. There, I said it. I am a carnivore, and have been since birth. There is nothing like a nice, thick slab of beef for dinner, especially if you pair it with a big, salted, buttered, peppered potato and some salad. Top that with a good cabernet, and there's nothing better in the world.
So, here are my preferred methods of cooking steak... don't expect anything fancy, because steak is not only my favorite thing to eat, it's also the dish I prepare with the least fuss and complexity.
I like a nice, lean cut, like a NY Strip (yes, I know it has that "lip" of fat around the edge, and that is good-- gives it flavor-- but I don't personally choose marbled steaks like Ribeyes most of the time. Just my own preference). I also like filets, but the strip steak is my favorite. So.. I'll prepare my steaks in one of the following ways:
1) salt and pepper the steaks liberally. Then, place in a shallow dish and pour on a mixture of red wine and dry packaged italian dressing. Let the steaks marinate for a few hours in the fridge, then grill to medium rare.
2) The Sauce:
1 tablespoon butter
1 clove garlic, minced
2 tablespoons whole black peppercorns
1/4 cup Cabernet or Merlot
1 tablespoon balsamic vinegar
3 tablespoons Worcestershire
1/2 teaspoon minced fresh rosemary
Grill steaks, basting with the cabernet sauce (can you tell I like cabs?). Also grill a portobello mushroom and onion slice. Serve the steaks topped with grilled onion, mushroom, and sauce. (I don't usually like mushrooms, but I love the flavor of this dish!
3) Rub steaks with coarse salt and fresh ground pepper. Grill and melt bleu cheese on top. Simple, but delicious!
4) A guilty, lazy secret: teriyaki sauce! Because sometimes only kikkoman will do. LOL
So, here are my preferred methods of cooking steak... don't expect anything fancy, because steak is not only my favorite thing to eat, it's also the dish I prepare with the least fuss and complexity.
I like a nice, lean cut, like a NY Strip (yes, I know it has that "lip" of fat around the edge, and that is good-- gives it flavor-- but I don't personally choose marbled steaks like Ribeyes most of the time. Just my own preference). I also like filets, but the strip steak is my favorite. So.. I'll prepare my steaks in one of the following ways:
1) salt and pepper the steaks liberally. Then, place in a shallow dish and pour on a mixture of red wine and dry packaged italian dressing. Let the steaks marinate for a few hours in the fridge, then grill to medium rare.
2) The Sauce:
1 tablespoon butter
1 clove garlic, minced
2 tablespoons whole black peppercorns
1/4 cup Cabernet or Merlot
1 tablespoon balsamic vinegar
3 tablespoons Worcestershire
1/2 teaspoon minced fresh rosemary
Grill steaks, basting with the cabernet sauce (can you tell I like cabs?). Also grill a portobello mushroom and onion slice. Serve the steaks topped with grilled onion, mushroom, and sauce. (I don't usually like mushrooms, but I love the flavor of this dish!
3) Rub steaks with coarse salt and fresh ground pepper. Grill and melt bleu cheese on top. Simple, but delicious!
4) A guilty, lazy secret: teriyaki sauce! Because sometimes only kikkoman will do. LOL
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Meh..
Ok, so it's never as bad as I think it is. So L is not the perfect man, because, like the Easter Bunny, that creature does not exist. He's more like Santa Claus.. you rarely see him, but you know he exists. ;)
L is great. He just has his moments of temporary insanity.. not quite a frequent as mine, but he does have them. At any rate, I am glad that discussion is over.
My back still hurts from putting up the fence, and my head still hurts from clenching my teeth all day yesterday. This might be one of those nights where I can do nothing but run a bubble bath and settle in with a book for a few hours.
That and look for my cookbooks so I can finally post the BEEF!
L is great. He just has his moments of temporary insanity.. not quite a frequent as mine, but he does have them. At any rate, I am glad that discussion is over.
My back still hurts from putting up the fence, and my head still hurts from clenching my teeth all day yesterday. This might be one of those nights where I can do nothing but run a bubble bath and settle in with a book for a few hours.
That and look for my cookbooks so I can finally post the BEEF!
Monday, July 17, 2006
the beatings continue
I hereby declare today a complete waste of my time for the following reasons:
1) Everyone felt that today was a good reason to screw up and/or yell at me
2) I got less than nothing done
3) I had to face a realization today that I did not want to face, and I am not happy about it. And if a certain man thinks that the issue isn't going to be discussed further, he needs to think again. And again.
4) And again.
5) My mother's soap opera continues to drag on, and I am ready to throw up my hands, change my name, and move to another country
...and so, in the words of the immortal Dorothy Parker,
That's why I shot myself.
1) Everyone felt that today was a good reason to screw up and/or yell at me
2) I got less than nothing done
3) I had to face a realization today that I did not want to face, and I am not happy about it. And if a certain man thinks that the issue isn't going to be discussed further, he needs to think again. And again.
4) And again.
5) My mother's soap opera continues to drag on, and I am ready to throw up my hands, change my name, and move to another country
...and so, in the words of the immortal Dorothy Parker,
That's why I shot myself.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Smells Like..
I just got the strongest whiff of what smelled alarmingly like marijuana. Thing is, I haven't seen that stuff in years and I don't think L ever has. We're in our house with our dogs and out of nowhere... I think my nose is just raw from two days in the pasture with a dead raccoon and two irritated, hungry horses. Yea, and the smell was deafening.
Anyway, needless to say I feel like I have been mowed down by the proverbial MACK truck. My joints ache! My skin resembles well done bacon! My sense of smell will never be the same!
Fence is fixed, though.
My expedition proved successful, after all.. I found a pair of Levi's, practically new, a pair of J Crew jeans, and a pair of Calvin Kleins.. all fit me perfectly, and altogether, they were $10. The J Crew jeans alone would have cost me $75 at the J Crew store. Ah, the power of thrift stores! So, that was good.
Tonight was off, though. L and I went to Flat Rock for dinner (normally outstanding food, though not as good as Bonefish..) where they burnt my steak the first time (I'm talking shoe leather.. I couldn't even get my fork into it) and brought me a raw steak on the recook. It was literally still mooing. Actually, I think its exact words were "Ow, stop poking me!" When I finally got an edible slab of meat, it was tough, I was full of salad and potatoes, and L was already finished eating. Oh, and every loaf of bread they brought out was just hollow crust. Bread is depressing when there's nothing to butter.
Then we went to see "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest" which was ok. Despite the fact that by the second time the kraken came to eat the ship I was rooting for it to eat the stinking people already so we could move on to something else.
Then the film broke or something and we sat there in darkness for 20 minutes or so until they decided to turn the movie back on. So.. ok. I wouldn't want to see it again. Davy Jones was interesting, and I liked the fact that the Dutchman's crew were all turning into sea life.. it was interesting to watch their metamorphoses. It distracted me. :)
Best part of the evening involved large pet dogs and leftover steak. They love me so when I have steak for them. Denver is stretched out asleep on the floor beside me right now, and Barney is doing the same in L's office, where he sits at his computer. We IM each other from time to time, from across the house. Life is good...
Anyway, needless to say I feel like I have been mowed down by the proverbial MACK truck. My joints ache! My skin resembles well done bacon! My sense of smell will never be the same!
Fence is fixed, though.
My expedition proved successful, after all.. I found a pair of Levi's, practically new, a pair of J Crew jeans, and a pair of Calvin Kleins.. all fit me perfectly, and altogether, they were $10. The J Crew jeans alone would have cost me $75 at the J Crew store. Ah, the power of thrift stores! So, that was good.
Tonight was off, though. L and I went to Flat Rock for dinner (normally outstanding food, though not as good as Bonefish..) where they burnt my steak the first time (I'm talking shoe leather.. I couldn't even get my fork into it) and brought me a raw steak on the recook. It was literally still mooing. Actually, I think its exact words were "Ow, stop poking me!" When I finally got an edible slab of meat, it was tough, I was full of salad and potatoes, and L was already finished eating. Oh, and every loaf of bread they brought out was just hollow crust. Bread is depressing when there's nothing to butter.
Then we went to see "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest" which was ok. Despite the fact that by the second time the kraken came to eat the ship I was rooting for it to eat the stinking people already so we could move on to something else.
Then the film broke or something and we sat there in darkness for 20 minutes or so until they decided to turn the movie back on. So.. ok. I wouldn't want to see it again. Davy Jones was interesting, and I liked the fact that the Dutchman's crew were all turning into sea life.. it was interesting to watch their metamorphoses. It distracted me. :)
Best part of the evening involved large pet dogs and leftover steak. They love me so when I have steak for them. Denver is stretched out asleep on the floor beside me right now, and Barney is doing the same in L's office, where he sits at his computer. We IM each other from time to time, from across the house. Life is good...
Friday, July 14, 2006
Expedition
Today I am going on an expedition. I will brave the jungles and wilds of Easley, SC in search of a particular thrift store where i have been told that they have blue jeans for $2. I am going to buy said blue jeans and wear them to the barn, where for $2 I won't care if they get ruined, like all my other jeans in the past 2 weeks. (Horses are hard on your pants).
The second part of my expedition involves going to the barn and working on tree trimming, fence mending, and general horseplay. Perhaps later there will be pictures for your amusement?
The second part of my expedition involves going to the barn and working on tree trimming, fence mending, and general horseplay. Perhaps later there will be pictures for your amusement?
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Flat
I feel remarkably flat this morning. There are several reasons for this:
1) I'm still exhausted and stressed out from Arkansas.. worried about the Mom situation, and feeling pretty.. flat.
2) There are bugs.. roaches.. in my building at work. There was one in my office yesterday, and this morning there was another one in my coworker's office. We sprayed the place liberally with RAID and now it stinks to high heaven. But at least the roaches are gone for the moment. Facilities is going to have to fumigate the place.
3) I wanted to go to the pool this weekend for a little while, but the weather forecast says it's going to rain.
4) The fat meter has been going off again lately, even though the scale says I have lost weight and I've been eating less in general anyway. This was not helped by the Funnniest Thing I Heard Yesterday:
I was looking through our pictures on L's computer, and I pulled up one of me when we were in Charleston 2 years ago.. right after we started dating. L looks over my shoulder and says..
"Wow, look at how skinny you were!"
There was a moment of stunned silence, while his words registered and he realized how deeply his foot was lodged in his mouth. Gee thanks, buddy. You haven't exactly lost weight yourself. :-P
1) I'm still exhausted and stressed out from Arkansas.. worried about the Mom situation, and feeling pretty.. flat.
2) There are bugs.. roaches.. in my building at work. There was one in my office yesterday, and this morning there was another one in my coworker's office. We sprayed the place liberally with RAID and now it stinks to high heaven. But at least the roaches are gone for the moment. Facilities is going to have to fumigate the place.
3) I wanted to go to the pool this weekend for a little while, but the weather forecast says it's going to rain.
4) The fat meter has been going off again lately, even though the scale says I have lost weight and I've been eating less in general anyway. This was not helped by the Funnniest Thing I Heard Yesterday:
I was looking through our pictures on L's computer, and I pulled up one of me when we were in Charleston 2 years ago.. right after we started dating. L looks over my shoulder and says..
"Wow, look at how skinny you were!"
There was a moment of stunned silence, while his words registered and he realized how deeply his foot was lodged in his mouth. Gee thanks, buddy. You haven't exactly lost weight yourself. :-P
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Empty Airport
Ok.. so here I sit in the airport at 4:45 pm. My plane doesn't start boarding for another 2 hours or so, so I paid the $10 to surf the internet. See, dear readers, how devoted I am to your entertainment? As if this blog is entertaining.
Anyway. If you don't feel like reading another rant about my dysfunctional family members, don't read anymore of this post. Trust me.
Last night I played Rummy with my grandfather, something I haven't done in years, since I was a kid. I have never beaten him at it until last night. He kept telling me how he enjoyed playing. Good. I enjoyed it too. :)
However..
I spent the morning at the nursing home with Mom. She wanted to talk. You have to understand what that means in my mother's world. In a normal person's vocabulary, Talking is conversation. It's communication. In my mother's world, it's sheer manipulation. It's bringing up every single thing she can think of that might have hurt my feelings or made me angry or might irritate me to talk about. It's crying and wringing her hands and seeing how far she has to go before I start getting upset.
Never, in a talk with my mother, does anything get accomplished or communicated. It's always about torturing the person she's talking to, or else torturing herself. It's sick and sad, but there it is.
The point is that I am tired of hearing how my dad did her wrong 25 years ago and how it's somehow bad that he has always liked pretty women (who doesn't??) and how everyone in her life has abandoned her. I can't stand one more insinuation that I don't love her, that nobody loves her. She doesn't understand that people do love her-- but she seems to purposely drive away everyone who tries. I'm sick of talking about stupid friends I had in high school, and idiotic boys I dated who acted like jerks. I am sick of my ex-husband, sick of all my sister's ex-husbands, and sick of her asking me when I'm getting married again.
Most of all, I am very weary of the constant guilt trips. I think I have used up the entire quota of guilt for not only my entire life, but everyone I know as well. That will be good news to some of you reading this. ;)
I wonder why she has never grown tired of rehashing the past. If she must live in the past, she could at least pick the good times to dwell on.. but then if you remind her of some of the better times we had, she starts crying because they're over.
My mother is a strange, strange woman. I love her, but I don't understand her.
So.. I'm sitting here in the airport waiting for the time to pass. M is trimming Trigger's feet today. I hope that goes well. Can't wait to get home and sleep in my own bed, get in some quality snuggle time, even go back to work on Monday. In 2 weeks, if I can somehow find the money, I'm back to Arkansas for Mom's surgery...
Anyway. If you don't feel like reading another rant about my dysfunctional family members, don't read anymore of this post. Trust me.
Last night I played Rummy with my grandfather, something I haven't done in years, since I was a kid. I have never beaten him at it until last night. He kept telling me how he enjoyed playing. Good. I enjoyed it too. :)
However..
I spent the morning at the nursing home with Mom. She wanted to talk. You have to understand what that means in my mother's world. In a normal person's vocabulary, Talking is conversation. It's communication. In my mother's world, it's sheer manipulation. It's bringing up every single thing she can think of that might have hurt my feelings or made me angry or might irritate me to talk about. It's crying and wringing her hands and seeing how far she has to go before I start getting upset.
Never, in a talk with my mother, does anything get accomplished or communicated. It's always about torturing the person she's talking to, or else torturing herself. It's sick and sad, but there it is.
The point is that I am tired of hearing how my dad did her wrong 25 years ago and how it's somehow bad that he has always liked pretty women (who doesn't??) and how everyone in her life has abandoned her. I can't stand one more insinuation that I don't love her, that nobody loves her. She doesn't understand that people do love her-- but she seems to purposely drive away everyone who tries. I'm sick of talking about stupid friends I had in high school, and idiotic boys I dated who acted like jerks. I am sick of my ex-husband, sick of all my sister's ex-husbands, and sick of her asking me when I'm getting married again.
Most of all, I am very weary of the constant guilt trips. I think I have used up the entire quota of guilt for not only my entire life, but everyone I know as well. That will be good news to some of you reading this. ;)
I wonder why she has never grown tired of rehashing the past. If she must live in the past, she could at least pick the good times to dwell on.. but then if you remind her of some of the better times we had, she starts crying because they're over.
My mother is a strange, strange woman. I love her, but I don't understand her.
So.. I'm sitting here in the airport waiting for the time to pass. M is trimming Trigger's feet today. I hope that goes well. Can't wait to get home and sleep in my own bed, get in some quality snuggle time, even go back to work on Monday. In 2 weeks, if I can somehow find the money, I'm back to Arkansas for Mom's surgery...
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Funniest Thing I Heard in Arkansas
"Are you sure y0u're not adopted??"
--my mother's surgeon after talking with me about my mother
GF and I are sitting in Starbuck's drinking lattes and setting up mom's new tracfone I just bought her for $20 at Wal Mart.. It's 20 cents a minute, better than the 45 she was paying at Alltel, but she still can't use it all the time. I am telling her to leave it on, but not to give the number out to everyone.. just me and mah seestor and GF probably.
I just emailed the doc a little note. I'm hoping this new system of communication works out well. I think it will..
I also just got mom some new nightgowns and a CD player.. I'm going to burn her some CD's to listen to..
I will probably be back on here tomorrow at the airport, while I wait for my plane..
--my mother's surgeon after talking with me about my mother
GF and I are sitting in Starbuck's drinking lattes and setting up mom's new tracfone I just bought her for $20 at Wal Mart.. It's 20 cents a minute, better than the 45 she was paying at Alltel, but she still can't use it all the time. I am telling her to leave it on, but not to give the number out to everyone.. just me and mah seestor and GF probably.
I just emailed the doc a little note. I'm hoping this new system of communication works out well. I think it will..
I also just got mom some new nightgowns and a CD player.. I'm going to burn her some CD's to listen to..
I will probably be back on here tomorrow at the airport, while I wait for my plane..
Friday, July 07, 2006
Mom, Part MCMXIVV
Mom at the end of May-- in the hospital at UAMS
Mom at the beginning of July-- at the nursing homeI finally got the situation at least partially resolved today-- I spoke with the doctor and the nurse. They came down specifically to talk to me because I went to admin about the problem. Turns out that they have been calling GF whenever I call with a question and telling him to tell me the answer. He doesn't call me and let me know anything because he doesn't hear what they're saying..
There is also the issue of my mother only hearing what she wants to hear, and only telling me parts of the story. I havent' had any idea of what has really been happening out here. This doc is doing the best he can with what he has to work with.
At least now he knows that I am the person to contact, and I will talk to the rest of the family. That will take some of the pressure off, and hopefully they can do the surgery in 2 weeks. I have a much better feeling about everything that's going on now--
So, it's off to the nursing home to tell mother what's going on.. may God have mercy on my soul.. lol
Yesterday she told me that she'd never forgive me for putting her in a nursing home. As if I had anything to say in any of the decisions that have been made. Argh.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
My Father's Wedding
The wedding this weekend was awesome. A very small, private ceremony, very elegant, and very, very nice...
We all enjoyed it and also meeting our new "step-family." Dad's new wife is very nice and extremely beautiful and he looked happier than I've ever seen him.. at least happier than I can ever remember seeing him.
My sister was in rare form, as was S, who, like, talked, like 100000000 miles a minute, like, the whole time, and like is totally like unsatisfied with like everything about her like totally perfect body and her totally perfect face and her totally, like, perfect hair...LOL Exhausting but loveable.
We missed our flight on the way back.. L was livid.. I've never seen him like that, and still he was 10x better than J on his best day. I must stop and wonder for a minute how I got so lucky...
.
.
.
Ok.. so today I cleaned out my car, but didn't wash it. I made 2 trips to Tractor supply for horse feed, alfalfa cubes, and wood shavings, along with a new manure fork and a broom for the tack room... Did Parelli lesson #1.. sitting in the round pen with my horse and watching him for 30 minutes. He kept coming over and looking at me like "what the heck are you DOING down there???" And nuzzling me and sniffing me and trying to eat my Parelli guide book.
He almost let me spray him down with the hose, (just a little bit) but still no luck with the bug spray bottle.
I also bought a ticket to Arkansas today. Mom's surgery is scheduled for the day after tomorrow. Here's hoping everything goes according to plan.
L and I are about to leave for our INdependence Day Dinner.. We were supposed to go to the lake with A1-3, but they went at noon, and we had too much to do. So, it's downtown Greenville for a few hours, and then home.
Later: Fireworks...
Funniest Thing I Saw This Weekend
What's wrong with saying "speed bump" like the rest of the world? :)
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