The Attack of the Giant Hairbow and Other Abnormalities

This is almost a compulsion now. Seriously. Cracks me up, too. Here we have my baptism photo. The girl beside me is named Amaryllis. We sat beside each other during the "babtizum" talk. I was 12 and she was 13. In fact, I turned 12 exactly 12 days before the assembly where I was dunked. I also got counseled for my "immodest" bathing suit, pictured here, when we got back to our home congregation. I ask you, how much more "modest" can a bathing suit be?? Should I have worn woolen pants and a burqa, perhaps? Or maybe a wetsuit? No, a wetsuit would be too tight and therefore revealing. Like it matters when you are 12 and have no figure to speak of anyway!

And come to think of it (not that it matters).. I think I was the only white person there.

So.. anyway, this is photographic evidence of the single biggest mistake I ever made in my life. I got baptized for real (i.e. NOT as a JW) in 2004, but there are no pictures of that one. Just as well.. that was between me and God, and not an indefinite contract binding me in perpetual servitude to a publishing company.

And here we have another classic B. I was 10 or 11 here, probably shortly after my mother bought my first bra. There should be a law that once you have a training bra, you can no longer wear giant bows in your hair. In fact, giant bows should be outlawed on general principle, unless you are some sort of Victorian era child model, or a civil war reenactor or something. And then only under close supervision.

The facial expression in this pic says it all. Just like a lot of my childhood photos, when I was being suffocated by my mother. No, I don't feel like smiling, and no matter what you say you aren't going to make me. Take the damn picture already, if you must. This problem was compounded because I was a very grave and serious child who demanded to be taken very very seriously at all times. This seldom if ever happened.

I mean, look at me, for chrissakes! Who can expect to be taken seriously with a ginormous yellow bow threatening to swallow her head?