I'm feeling a little overwhelmed at the moment, with two family operas playing out at the same time. My mother's brothers and sister want to auction my mother's house and belongings and move her and the grandparents somewhere.. as if she's dead or retarded or something and can't decide for herself what she wants to do.
One common thread with both situations is that no one in my family has any idea what normal is, or that there are supposed to be boundaries between people. My sister, for instance, is convinced that she can change S's mind about everything that she has said to B.
S is a kid. She doesn't understand the ramifications of any of what has happened, and she shouldn't have to. My sister has unintentionally shot herself in the foot on this, because B heard some of the things she was saying to S while he was on the phone. Of course she didn't mean a word of it. That doesn't change the fact that it could be very damaging to her.
Oh, but I'm the bitch when I try to tell her what he's trying to do. Damn it, she needs to know and act before he has a chance to ruin her chances of getting S back. Add to this the fact that he's trying to use my conversation with him as ammunition against her. I have not "decided" anything with him, and I am NOT "on his side." I do think I am the only one who has S's interests firmly in mind here.
I don't think she is better off with B, but I don't think my sister's house is the best place for her either, right now.. not if things like what happened the night before last continue to happen. And that was by no means the first time it's been knock-down-drag-out in Samiland.
S is also playing this for all it's worth. She is too young to know what that could mean for her, and for her mother. But there is no way to change the way she sees this. At this point anything my sister says to her is going to be clouded by a million different distortions, and she's up there being love-bombed.. and she's still a baby. She doesn't get it and probably won't until she's much older, if indeed she ever does.
This whole thing makes me sick.
I'm very tired and not sure how I am supposed to help my sister. I can't in good conscience say that what happened the other night was "nothing." Neither can I side with B.. he's still kind of nuts; that hasn't changed. And I don't take kindly to being used by anyone for any purpose.
Meh. I'm going to watch football with L.
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2 comments:
I made a mistake the other night fighting with Summer. From now on it won't be fighting. what I say goes in my house there will be no arguing.There will be rules set that we can both live with and that will be that.I made the worst mistake by letting her go and visit, I have spoken to you about what I'm going to do to better myself, but I think I will not go in to that here on the internet.
I will say this, I am not the same person I was when we lived at home with mom and i was 15 years old. I am not that person and this was not like that at all. I know that is what some people jump to the conclusion of,but that is just not the case.
No one can truly understand the complications of raising a child alone.Unless they have done it themselves, Billy has no idea at all what everyday life is to raise a person in a decent, safe atmosphere and give them all they need and deserve all by yourself. Hell, he can't even take care of himself. All he does is live with his mom and off his girlfreind, wow what a great example!!!
My argument with Summer pales in comparison to his dysfunctional ideas of what life should be for a teenage girl.Summer knows, just like I do, that what happened the other night was not good and we are both sorry for our parts in it, but that in no way lessens my ability to be a good parent.Or gives him the right to degrade me as a person or a parent.
I still love you and i'm not blaming you for not understanding the importance of having no contact with Billy Stanley. Sometimes you have to live and learn, he said to me verbatium what I told you he was going to say. It almost made me bust out laughing because it was almost scripted!!!
This a new chapter,, remember everything happens for a reason. Better things are in store,and we learn more with every turn. call me
I wrote something for you to read on my blog . hope you read it soon... love you=]
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