The Weather is Here, Wish You Were Beautiful

I'm in Hilton Head, and it just started raining. Yesterday was nice, though. I got some sun, had a margarita with T, and read a book. Class is ok, the trip is been all right so far. But I miss L.

ANd today is S's birthday. I've already called and left her a funny song on her answering machine.

It's time for lunch, so I have to cut this short..

Hey La, Hey La, My Boyfriend's Back

And I am leaving tomorrow for Hilton Head, for a week. As much fun as I think HH will be, I wish I had a few more days like today with him. Last night there was quite the joyful homecoming. So joyful, in fact, that we skipped the 5K we have been planning to do for months and slept in.

I woke up to german chocolate flavored coffee and kisses. We went to Olive Garden for lunch, then to the bookstore. We stopped in at PetSmart so I could look at the tack store. I was duly impressed with the variety of stuff they had.. everything from saddles and halters to riding pants to brushes to horse cookies. Very nifty.

And who should I run into but an old "colleague" from the dancing days. She was probably the closest thing to a friend I had in that club. We did a lot of shopping together. She's a dog trainer now, happily married, but apparently we have some mental quirks in common. She mentioned feeling like she lost most of her early twenties.. I thought I was the only one who thought that way. Funny.

Then we came home and decided a nap was in order. We slept for an hour or so, and were awakened by the cat, who wanted to play. We obliged until he ran away, and then decided to do something more constructive with our time, since we were already comfortably in bed.

Altogether a great day, especially considering the awesome sex, twice in 12 hours or so. I cannot possibly complain. In fact, I could deal with that every day. At least every other.

And now I am off to dry my hair, and then to bed again. T will be here at 8, and then we're off to the beach in the convertible, top down, radio up.

Gearing Up for...

It's Friday at last, and I've got a full day ahead, getting ready for my trip. Unfortunately, it looks like I will be traveling just in time for the highest gas prices on record. Great.

It seems that I have a lot to be irritated about lately, especially yesterday. I'll just list the aggravations, shall I?

1) People who bring me huge, needlessly complicated budgets to process that don't add up!!! Argh! If you have "doctor" in front of your name, you have no excuse for not knowing how to add, for chrissakes!

2) People who email me, then call on the phone as they are pressing the Send button, to say the exact same thing.

3) My ex husband has been back in the military for 2 weeks already and no one saw fit to inform me. Not that I particularly care where he is or what he is doing, but he promised me that he would keep the car payment and the house payment current, and he has been court ordered to do so, as well as pay me $4,900 for the remaining half of the marital debt. He was supposed to use his reup cash bonus to pay off his car and give me the money he owes me. He has done none of this.. the house is going into foreclosure and the bank is threatening to repo his car. Both of these accounts have my name on them, so all of my hard work at paying off bills and trying to get on track this past 2 years has been completely a waste of time. I should have just declared bankruptcy and said to hell with it. Add that to the fact that J and his parents waited until almost 2 months after the notices on the accounts were received to get said notices to me, so now it is basically too late to negotiate with them. Oh yeah, and part B to this whole thing is that I have tried repeatedly and in writing to change my address with my own creditors, and they are still sending things to my ex-in-laws' house. I never even lived there, not even for a week. For the love of God, how hard is it to send my mail to the correct address???

4) As if that isn't enough, when I got home, I had a bill from my attorney to the tune of $850. When it rains, it pours.. I feel like the financial equivalent of New Orleans right now.

5) Someone should start teaching mandatory driving courses to employees at this fine establishment. Since starting to work there, I have acquired exactly 23 scratches, dents, and creases in my car from parking in the employee parking lots here. Some of this damage is rather spectacular.. the vanity plate holder in the front is crammed into the front of the car where someone backed or just drove into it. The paint is scraped off down to the metal on both sides where someone (or multiple someones) scrubbed their bumper all the way down. I have big creases in both doors where people have opened their doors into my car. I swear it looks like they've had a contest to see who can kick their doors open hardest, and who can leave the longest door dent! Apparently someone sat a box or something on my hood while unlocking their own car, or smoking crack, or whatever they were doing.. I could deal with my car being used as a temporary shelf, if they hadn't slid the box off of the car, leaving a row of scratches that makes it look like my hood was attacked by a very large, spastic (possibly even schizophrenic) cat.

Today must be better. It has no choice.

For a Moment I'm Gonna Be 15..

..and post some song lyrics...
(c) Marc Cohn of course :) Scroll past the lyrics for my commentary. Of course.

Baby I've been searching like everybody else
Can't say nothing different about myself
Sometimes I'm an angel, And sometimes I'm cruel
And when it comes to love I'm just another fool
Yes, I'll climb a mountain, I'm gonna swim the sea
There ain't no act of God girl Could keep you safe from me
My arms are reaching out Out across this canyon
I'm asking you to be my true companion
True companion True companion

So don't you dare and try to walk away
I've got my heart set on our wedding day
I've got this vision of a girl in white
Made my decision that it's you allright
And when I take your hand I'll watch my heart set sail
I'll take my trembling fingers And I'll lift up your veil
Then I'll take you home And with wild abandon
Make love to you just like a true companion
You are my true companion; I got a true companion
True companion

When the years have done irreparable harm
I can see us walking slowly arm in arm
Just like the couple on the corner do
'Cause girl I will always be in love with you
And when I look in your eyes I'll still see that spark
Until the shadows fall Until the room grows dark
Then when I leave this Earth I'll be with the angels standin'
I'll be out there waiting for my true companion
Just for my true companion
True companion True companion

This has got to be one of the sweetest songs I've ever heard. This is how couples should feel about each other.. and this is how they should express it. I'm hung up on this at the moment... some things need to be said in a relationship, and this is one of them (provided that's how you feel, of course).

"There ain't no act of God girl Could keep you safe from me "
Heh. Wow.

Ok, that's enough of that.

This is Pie. She is a spotted horse with a naturally heart-shaped spot on her behind. She knows exactly how cute she is.. She reminds me of one of those girls with the lower back tattoo and the low rider jeans for some reason. :) 

What is it they say about leading a horse to water??? 

And this is Panda... She's no Gracie, but she's sweet. 

Smoochie thinks I have cookies for her. All I have is a halter for Panda. 

Domestic Blahs

I did not sleep well last night. I usually don't when L is out of town. When he's gone I wake up at every sound, even though I sleep with the dogs in the house, so I know that if anyone broke in, they'd be immediately chewed to bits. (They're very nice dogs, but rather protective and territorial.)

I got a lot done today, though. I ate a little dinner, vacuumed the whole house, did the dishes, and did two loads of laundry. There was a moment of excitement when I was in the shower and the power went out, just about the time I was covered in soap. For a second all I could think of was Psycho. I know, stupid. I decided that if someone were coming to stab me through the shower curtain, they'd have a rough time of it, with the mirrored shower doors. And besides that, there's not much I could do about it, if someone were there. So I decided to go on showering in the dark. And then the power decided to come back on, so I decided to shave my legs after all.

Tomorrow I think I am going out to M's to play with the horses, even though Gracie won't be home for a long time. I can't go that long without riding or at least practicing my Parelli games. I've just got to figure out who it's going to be.. the palomino? the paint? the 3-year-old with the blaze on his nose?

I'd start working with the black mare, but she's H's, and I don't want to get too attached to her. There's no way I could ever afford to buy her someday, even if she were ever to be for sale, which would never happen. And as far as personality.. Smoochie is beautiful, but she's no Gracie.

I talked to L for a while today. He is enjoying his trip, to his surprise. I'm glad, but I wish our trips had been spaced differently. *sigh*

And now it's time for bed.. (Put the cat in his condo, let the dogs out, turn the tv off, and snooze..)

Gracie likes to have her hiney scratched because she can't reach it. She also likes to show off her new cast.. 

I Luv Gracie! 

Here is Gracie with her cast on. She's the first horse at UGA to ever undergo the surgery she had, and she's doing just fine! Looks like she will recover from what is usually a fatal injury for a horse! 

Faster than a Speeding Bullet..

I tried to update this blog again last night, only to find that my internet connection was acting loopy and my posts would not save. Of course, my blood alcohol level was also probably a factor.

This weekend has been full to say the least. I went to an Arts festival with L on Saturday morning, and Saturday night we went to a football party. Clemson lost their game (boo!) and FSU won theirs (yay!) and a good time was had by all.

However, getting up early on Sunday morning sucked. I rode with M and his mom and J (who had spent the night in jail for speeding and DUI.. a very unhappy camper) to UGA to see Gracie. She is doing much better.. I will try to post pics later. Her leg is all casted and stiff, but she looks much better than before and we're thinking that she will make it just fine.

Last night we went to a reception for Wilton Earle (author of "Manse") and Dick Estelle from NPR's Radio Reader. Very nice man, very nice party. However, I started the night with 2 martinis, I had no dinner, and I finished the night with more red wine than was good for me.

This morning I had to get up at 5:30 to take L to the airport, then make the arduous trek to work. I miss L already. I think it's because I know he will be gone all week, and then when he gets back, I will be gone all of the next week! (But never fear, I will take my laptop!) Then before I get back from Hilton Head, he will be going back to Tally. So I don't see him for at least 2 weeks, possibly 3.

Bleh.

Barnie loves to chew, even on the dirtiest and most worn out dog toy in existence. 

Can we come inside now? 

Tragedy Strikes

Forgive me, I'd written a whole post here, which now mysteriously is missing.

It was all about Gracie and how she broke her leg coming through the front of the horse trailer. How I have no idea why or what happened. One minute we were getting ready to go trail riding and the next she was bleeding and a leg was broken and I was facing that fact that she may get put down.

The vet says she has a chance to live, but that she'll never be a trail horse again. I doubt she will ever be ridden again. But I'd rather see her alive as a pet than the alternative.

There are so many risks though, and no guarantee that the surgery will work for her. I hope it does though.

I am heartbroken, of course. The best horse in the world is ruined for no reason.

What I Noticed Today

It's another plain old day. Work, drive, dinner, tv, blog, bed.

Except that there are those little things that make it good. It doesn't sparkle. It's more like the first time you notice that the leaves are changing in the fall. It's a quiet miracle. I like that.

A quiet miracle that I can go from not wanting to wake up in the morning to loving plain days in inside a year. Little, ordinary, sometimes almost worn out things make life what it should be.. happy.

Like the glass of wine that he poured for me before dinner, and the fact that he picked the glass that he knows I love. And he did it without saying a word.

The fact that he's terribly ticklish and sometimes that's irresistable. He doesn't like it, but he doesn't get mad either.

The dogs that like you no matter what you're wearing or what kind of mood you're in. The fact that Denver bit me by accident when I fed him a bite of steak, and then tried to issue a doggy apology.

The fact that my mother called just to talk last night, and she didn't sound like she wanted to jump off the nearest bridge.

The fat, striped tabby cat purring around my ankles and the knowledge that tomorrow I will ride on the best horse in the state of South Carolina.

Sometimes you can't think of all the crap in the world or the canned pop culture world on tv because dusty, worn reality outshines the glitter of hollywood.

Corny? Oh yes. But true nonetheless.

Denver is really not good at subtle hints.. 

You know, I wish I could be this relaxed... 

Sweet

So, after a screed like that, I need to post something a little more upbeat. Let me just say that my life is pretty damn decent at the moment.

L is sitting on the couch, yelling at the football game, and I just got out of a long, hot bath.

Last night we went out with our dear friends and had far too much to drink. We tried out the new restaurant in Anderson, Jax. It's owned by some old friends of mine, who have another successful restaurant in town. It's supposed to be a New Orleans bistro, and sure enough the prices are comparable to what you'd find in N.O. At least in the old N.O. A. kept joking last night that if they wanted the restaurant to be authentic, they needed to pump about 2 feet of water into the place. Crass and insensitive, of course, but then that's A. for you.

And it's true enough that there is crawfish etoufee on the menu. But we were profoundly disappointed with the food. It did not even approach the ghost of the memory of the food we ate in New Orleans. There was no bite, no spice. The crawfish tasted fishy. And the crab bisque was clearly Campbell's tomato soup with a dollop of cream and a few pieces of crabmeat dropped in the middle so they wouldn't be lying when they called it crab bisque.

I hate to be harsh because it's my friends who own the place. It's a beautiful restaurant, with an awesome atmosphere. It's just that the food sucks. Hopefully given time they will realize this and fix it. Stranger things have happened.

We went from there to the Arts Center to see a photography exhibition, which was pretty nice. The artists were local physicians, and some of the photography was surprisingly good. There were a few pieces that I would have liked to have, but as you can imagine, they were quite pricey for digital photographs.

Then we went to Sullivan's for martinis and talked until far too late. When we finally made it home, we went to bed, but not to sleep, since as I said I'd had quite a bit to drink. I'm afraid I was a bit bossy. I didn't let him do anything but be there and enjoy himself, which he seemed to do.

This morning I went shopping for birthday presents for a certain soon-to-be 15-year-old (my god, my god, I am getting old!) and her mother, my sister, the Princess of the World. Their birthdays are 2 weeks apart, and coming up fast.

L mowed the grass and I laid in the hammock and watched him while pretending to read a book. God, that man has great legs. I took a nap on the couch and ended up sleeping for 3 hours. When I woke up, L was gone. Turns out he was grocery shopping. We ate rotesserie chicken and salad for dinner, and then I headed to the bath for more reading and a long soak..

I brushed the dogs today also, which they seemed to like. But then they like any kind of attention. Denver discovered the cat's new toy as well. This toy is now the favorite of both cat and dogs now. It's one of those plastic rings with the ball inside that goes around and around. The cat sticks his paws between the plastic pieces and swats the ball, trying to get it out. The dog has his own variation of this game, in which he uses his tongue to swat the ball. It is absolutely hilarious. Even more hilarious will be the cat's reaction the next time he goes to play with the toy and smells all of the dog slobber. Heh. I love those three.. they're like my own private comedy show.

Overall, a very good day, now adequately blogged. I feel a major league couch snuggling fit coming on, and there seems to be a lull in the football game action. Maybe I could sneak up...

I am beginning to think like my cat.

The Biggest Ahole on the Block, Foshizzle

I read and article today on contactmusic.com that just ticked me off. Actually, I found the article through a link on fark.com, which is one of my all time favorite sites on the web. It's full of strange news and general hilarity. But anyway..

This article is on the vociferous celebrity known as Kanye West. Now until recent days, I had no opinion on Mr. West. I am not generally a fan of his music. After his outburst at the awards show, I thought he was rather immature and just another brainless Bush-basher like the rest. But this really takes the cake and proves what a racist asshole he is.

Before I get to the article though, let me pause just a moment to say that blaming Bush for everything bad that happens in this country, including the weather, is like a pimply little bagboy at the local grocery store hating and blaming the CEO of the company that owns the grocery store chain because somebody farted and stunk up the break room. Can I leave it at that? I think I can.

So. Here's the little gem that pissed me off and started this rant. It's titled "West Reveals Racial Lines in Slang Use." As if Kanye West has some mystical knowledge that he is stepping down from his gaudy rapper-throne to reveal to us slavering masses. As if anybody gives a good goddam about the sanctity of slang. Blargh!

The opening line of the article:
"Hip-Hop star Kanye West is advising his white counterparts that they can only use certain slang terms when they're out of style for black people." He's advising now. Not to mention blatantly racist. Don't think so? How about this: "Country music star Kenny Chesney is advising his black counterparts that they can only use certain slang terms when they're out of style for white people." Would you call that racist? Erm, YES. But oh I almost forgot, it's not racist when someone from a non-white ethnicity does it, only when a white person does. My mistake.

Ignore that grinding sound. It's just my teeth contemplating one of my pet peeves.

Moving right along.. a quote from our new overlord, the Director of the Ministry on Slang Enforcement himself:

"Actually, I do not think that (white people) are allowed to use slang until it is at least a year old. If you say a slang word too early, it's like you're trying to be black. So as long as the slang is a little played out, you're all good."

Hm. Kanye West doesn't care about white people. Whine, whine sniffle.

First of all, who the hell does this guy think he is, telling an entire ethnic group what they can and cannot say? If he doesn't want people using certain words, then perhaps he and his esteemed colleagues should stop using those words in their songs, which fans listen to and emulate. Many of those fans are white, and their money spends just as well as the money from black fans.

Kanye West needs to get over himself. With statements like this and his tirade about the President, he is showing the world what a small minded little racist he is. I sincerely hope his 15 minutes of fame are fleeting.

*pop*...aim.. FIRE!

You are wondering about the title. I can tell.

It refers to random thoughts that pop into my head for no apparent reason. Like just now. I got out of the shower, put on my usual evening garb (extra thick giant socks, one of his shirts, a towel on my head) and was standing at the bathroom sink washing my face when *pop* goes a scene from the past.. one that I had forgotten for a long time.

My ex-husband. The first time.

OH MY GOD! SHOOT IT! KILL THAT THOUGHT BEFORE IT CRAPS OUT MORE LIKE IT!

Sorry. That got out of control for just a minute. Heh.

He was the stud in high school. I thought that he would never look at me, that he was in that clique and I was not. I was several castes lower in the system. In the food chain of high school, he was the lion and I was.. a scavenging bird of some type. The point being that they both eat the same thing, they just don't admit it.

I don't know why that should suddenly pop into my head. I mean, it's not like it was particularly memorable. And even then there were serious issues with the relationship. But I'm being cerebral. The fact is that I was still a hormonal adolescent, even at 21. I was a late bloomer or something. I got caught up in the fact that this guy, the high school don juan, wanted me.

It didn't occur to me that high school was over and he was a day late and a dollar short. Lucky for him I wasn't thinking. And I wasn't picky either.

Fast forward to this moment. I don't know why I am even talking about this at all. For some reason the memory floored me for a second. Like.. I had forgotten. And then, I can't believe that I forgot that. Or that I remembered it now, of all times. And then I got to thinking about how far things deteriorated on the journey from "boy meets girl" to "hit the road, jack."

Which leads me to.. this unbelievable injustice parents do to their children by not letting them be normal teens. This is not to say that I would hand a teenage girl a case of condoms and point her toward the hockey team. I'm just saying that my mother did me no favors.

She did her best to make us terrified of sex, or else profoundly grossed out by it and our bodies. And we weren't allowed out of the house. We had to be outcasts as much as she could force us to be, and we weren't allowed to date. Furthermore, if we did manage to carry on some sort of relationship over the phone and via notes in class or at church, she had to know every detail, and several times stepped in and talked to my "boyfriends" without my consent. Is it any wonder we fell for the first idiot guys to come along? Not to mention the second, and the third and.. well you get the picture.

Once you get out from under a pressing weight like we were raised under, not only do you go nuts, but you also have no idea what the hell is going on. It's not a safe place to be. I am amazed that I survived.

Yeah. That thought needs to be put out of its misery. Bleh.

I am sure I can find something more pleasant to think about around here.. ;)

Operating at 60% Capacity..

I'm back on the job, y'all. Everybody can go back to normal. :)
I am feeling better, though I am still sniffling and coughing and tonight I had a scary episode of being unable to breathe. But I recovered and had a nice hot shower, and now I feel better than I have felt since.. at least last week.

There is something about being squeaky clean, slathered with lotion (mmm, cinnamon!) and decked out in big fat wool socks and L's shirt, which hangs to my knees. I feel very.. comfy.

Of course, there is another reason to smile today. A new work schedule was approved today, meaning that starting in October, I get Fridays off. Yeah, you heard right. I will work long days on Monday through Thursday and have Fridays all to myself. Every weekend will be a long weekend!

So.. today I am feeling better, and I find out I get Fridays off, and we had steak for dinner. This is a pretty good day, I think, respiratory illness notwithstanding. The weather is nice too. But I think I need to be snuggled on the couch with the world's best boyfriend, and not sitting here blogging.

Another day out of work with this creeping crud. The antibiotics seem to be helping, so at least there's an end in sight. It has been a long time since anything has sidelined me for four whole days, though. Especially if two of them were work days. Tomorrow I will be back at it, armed with DayQuil and OJ.

Today was a haze of sleeping and waking and sleeping again, news reports mixing with dreams to make a weird gray fog. I have sniffled and coughed and dosed up until it has all run together and I am thoroughly tired of being sick. L went out for a little while today, and bought a dog whistle, which he has been trying to calibrate. It is certainly not, as the packaging claims, silent in any sense of the word. The dogs endure and ignore it. You can almost see them saying one to the other, "keep a stiff upper lip, old boy."

We just watched another of the hour-long "specials" on the New Orleans disaster.. It's unbelievable what has happened there. And unbelievable how some people feel the need to politicize and sensationalize the dispair of others. What happened in New Orleans was a disaster, plain and simple. Disasters happen. They are catastrophic. They are unpredictable. It is idiocy to try and blame them on anyone, especially on the President of the United States.

If anyone wants to lay blame, here's where it belongs. First, Mayor Nagin should have done more to get the word out and to evacuate his city before the storm hit. Second, the governor should have called for Federal assistance immediately, which she did not do. I have read several different reports stating that she refused Federal assistance in the first 24 hours after the disaster. The Feds can't just come marching in, even in this day and age. The proper channels must be used.

FEMA's response was a joke, and there is a major problem there. Brown, the FEMA leader seems ineffectual. Let General Honore be in charge of FEMA.. he'd do a much better job. Sometimes people just want to hear the truth, and in cases of disasters like this the truth is important whether it sounds pretty or not.

I've heard people try to make this a race issue, a political issue, a class issue.. and I'm not saying that those issues can't be questioned. I do think that now is not the time. Not while people are still sloshing around in that filthy muck trying to find survivors. Not while coffins are floating down the street and children and separated from their parents. I've heard people say that God was punishing New Orleans; I don't think I've ever heard a less educated or more bigoted opinion than that. If God were still in the punishment business, why hasn't he hit Vegas? And let's not forget that New Orleans has a ton of churches.. and that it 's been there for 300 years. Mustn't forget that. Pfft!

A few heroes have come out of this, though. I didn't expect some of the celebrity response. Sean Penn basically made an ass of himself, taking his camera crew along to photograph him playing hero, forgetting to plug his boat. I'm not even going to approach the subject of Kanye West. But Harry Connick.. wow. The footage of him taking the shirt off his back to give to an old man he found and rescued.. That was really something. I am profoundly impressed with Mr. Connick for being a real person and not a camera-courting celebrity snot. I am sure that he has more than one new fan today, and rightly so.

I still can't get over the devastation. I keep seeing places where I have been, there on the news, windows broken, floors covered with mud. I saw footage of Cafe Du Monde, swept as clean as can be, all of the tables gone. I didn't see Joanie on her Pony, but Jackson Square seemed to be all right, as did the cathedral. It's also heartening to see Johnny White's still open. Still. Now that's tenacity, folks. That's what makes me certain that there will be a Mardi Gras in New Orleans again. There will be another Jazz Fest.

Watching the (Boyfriend Watch the) Game

This is one of the funniest things I have ever seen. My normally semi-quiet, well mannered boyfriend has turned into a jumping, shouting football fiend! I don't think I've ever heard him raise his voice in the year and several months we have been dating, except momentarily during last year's Miami-FSU game-watching party at the sports bar. And he was very, very, very intoxicated on that occasion.

Tonight he is sitting on the couch, leaning forward, intent on the players running up and down the wide-screen. He put the dogs to bed early because they kept standing in front of the tv. There is no hope of my usual evening TV pastime of snuggling up to his chest and going to sleep. Every time FSU gets the ball, he erupts! He springs to his feet! "Go! Go! GO!!!"

And every time Miami does something he says "Aw MAN!" and sits back down again. My cat is itching to get close to him, however. He curls up on the down blanket and pretends to be harmlessly asleep, but each time I look at him, he is an inch or two closer to L. Eventually he will try for his lap, only to be surprised by an FSU touchdown. I can just picture the poor Monster flying through the air when L leaps from the couch with a 110-decibel war cry. GO NOLES!!!

Reooowwwrrrr!

Earlier today when we were standing in the kitchen, the Monster was doing the double figure eight between our legs, purring and slashing his tail at our knees. Our doorbell rang twice.. both times it was neighborhood kids selling fundraiser stuff for school. Of course L bought something. Such a cute little trio of little blonde third graders. I don't know of anyone who could've resisted a sales pitch like that. And there's a little black and white cat that has been hanging about outside. I fed it today, which means I now have another friend for life.

Ah well, I philosophize, there are worse things.

Not Much Like a Holiday..

Today does not feel like a holiday to me. Never mind that we didn't get the day off from work. I am also still sick, so I have the day off, whether I want it or not. L is sick also, and is going to forgo his planned trip to watch the FSU game at the local sports bar. That's when you know he isn't feeling well; this man loves football!

I believe we will be watching the game at home tonight, sniffling and coughing to ourselves. I don't think he is sick enough to forgo the game watching altogether.. He is feeling better than I am. But, going on 3 days in the house, I am running a little short on things to write about. I tried to call my sister, who is also home sick today, but I couldn't get her on the phone.. I think I am going to lie down again, until I can think of something remotely interesting to write about.

News from the Medicinally Addled

I took NyQuil last night. That stuff knocks me on my ass every time. I am, for sure, violently ill. The last thing I ate was lunch yesterday, and that's definitely not like me. I have become a bona fide eating machine. It seems in the last few years I have bounced back big from that little eating disorder problem. I think about my grandfather, and that this is the trait I have inherited from him.. mealtimes are the best times of the day.

Of course in his case, food is the only sensual pleasure he is or has ever been allowed, so he takes it seriously. Maybe a little too seriously for his health. I have lots of other outlets for the sensual in life.. music, art, sex. So food doesn't have to be primary. I really think that my metabolism has taken a nosedive though. I think it just gave up finally after fighting the good fight for so many years. One can't really blame it. It's got to be a hard job.

Anyway, back to the point, I skipped dinner and breakfast. My hands are sweating. My cat thinks there is something wrong with me as well, because he keeps latching his whole body around my foot and biting my heel, kicking at my toes with his hind feet. I hope that I am feeling better by tomorrow morning.. I'd hate to miss work, especially with the big meeting on Tuesday to present my database project to the powers that be. But if I'm still feeling like this tomorrow, I may be driving to the doctor's office instead. Again. Dang it.

Cough Sniffle Hack Hack Wheeze

It's one of those times of year again, apparently. Every time the season starts to change, I get violently ill. Right now the weather is mild and beautiful and I am sicker than the proverbial dog. The inside of my head hurts. My eyes itch and burn. I am drowning in snot.

Ahem. No one wants to read about that.

So we made a little trip to Wal Mart (the outer rim of hell, for those of you from some alternate universe who don't know that) to get some allergy medicine. Our cashier's name was Katrina. She was not, however, hurricane-like in any way. Apparently she has gotten quite a bit of hell from the general Wal Mart clientele. While we were there, we heard a woman shouting at her child; we could tell she was upset with her child by her tone of voice, but even I, who was born and raised right here in the South could not understand what she was saying at first.

"Geh uh awf uhr thayut flawur naaay uh!"

L inclined his head slightly, those eyebrows rising above his glasses. "Is that even English?" To tell the truth I wasn't sure. It played through my head the whole time we were in Wal Mart, even when we passed a knot of people and buggies that had stopped in the middle of the aisle like some sort of tattooed, obese flotilla in the midst of Lake Rollback. Apparently this was some sort of reunion of family members who hadn't seen each other in a while. They said "fuck" every other word. And still I kept thinking.. "Geh uh awf uhr thayut flawur naaay uh!"

Geh uh... hmmm..awf uhr thayut....hummmmm

Get. Get up. Okay, I get it. Get up off of that floor, now. It was English. ... Sort of. Somewhere in the back of my head is the uneasy thought that something isn't right. The South has always had its drawl. I've been accused of having it myself. But that's.. not.. right. We're much stupider than we used to be, folks, and not just in the South.

I took two of those orange, candy-like gelcaps and now I feel like I've slipped into some sort of alternate reality. I still don't really feel like doing anything except staring. L and I took a nice nap on the couch with a down blanket and the Monster sleeping on my back. We were a happy (if sniffling) little heap. Ah, domestic bliss.

I feel like going back to sleep. He's talking about dinner now, but I think I will pass. The medicine and Wal Mart have taken my appetite clean away. Dahlin.

An Answer or Two

To Princess, No, I'm not mad at you. I get a little overwhelmed with my life sometimes, but I'm not mad at you. I wish I could help you somehow because I hate to hear you freaking out all the time. I hate to hear that angry/hysterical/hopeless note in your voice, knowing I can't do a thing about it. I don't have what it takes to keep my own troops in order, much less anyone else's.

Just seems like there is so much to worry about, with Mom and the grandparents and how close they are to catastrophe at any given moment. You and lil Muffinhead down there in the middle of Hurricane-land, with a precariously balanced emotional state and no money to set yourself up any kind of future. I feel like I should be able to save the world. I should be able to fix it all.. another little leftover from the dark ages of our lives I guess. It always did seem to be up to me, whether there was anything meaningful to be done or not.

And watching New Orleans fall apart every second of the day is not helping matters. L's sister and her 4 kids are still down there. Nobody knows where they are, and he's really worried. His grandmother is in the area, too, and I don't know what the story is there.

On top of that, gas is 3.25 a gallon at all stations now, and I average 2 tanks a week just going to work. I don't know what I am going to do when it hits $4, which they're saying it will.

I'm just feeling altogether dismal lately. It's not that I'm necessarily depressed or anything.. I'm just really tired and I can't seem to keep my mind where I need it to be. I did get past a few big deadlines at work, so maybe things there will ease up a little bit.. and I do have a trip coming up to look forward to. But it's hard to predict what that will be like now.

And today I feel achy and tired, and my sinuses and my eyes are burning. I think it's my allergies kicking in again, but then we did have a case of West Nile in SC this week, and I am a mosquito magnet.

But I feel like I'm whining. I'm going to shuffle off to the couch now.