Off to See the Wizard

Ok, I am heading out to North Carolina..
I am sure to have one helluvan update when I return. It should be an interesting visit, anyway.
I probably won't be on the internet for the next few days, though.

So Strange..

Ok. This is just too weird to make sense. I have to make a list out of it all to even make sense of it.

1) My mother is mental. That's all there is to it. She wrote a letter to L that is absolutely sickening. If there were ever any bad decision, any family dysfunction, any sordid little detail that I wanted to keep to myself.... well SO MUCH FOR THAT! She spilled her guts about every negative thing she could think of about me.. including details about stuff that happened 10-15 years ago. All of this is followed by an explanation of how SHE didn't raise me to be "that way" and that IIIIII made all the BAD decisions myself. L doesn't care about any of that crap, least of all the healthy dose of religious fanaticism that came along with it. Oh, and of COURSE there was the "Thankyew for marrying my damaged goods daughter" crap as well.. though not in those exact words. The message was pretty clear. I am pretty steamed about it, to be honest. Can you tell?

2) Speaking of mental cases, I sent "Roy" his cease and desist order today, via Certified Mail. We'll see what happens with that.

3) I got L's wedding present in the mail today!! It is so beautiful, and I can't wait to give it to him! :-D

4) I saw an ad at Wendy's today that said something like "If you want to see the difference between Fresh Beef and frozen beef, try one of our burgers!" I appended: "Then you can compare that cardboard taste to Fresh Beef, and see the difference!" This was the Wendy's that spelled "jalapeno" like JOLAPANO on the sign out front.

5) I am in Columbia right now with my boss, and I have to teach a class tomorrow. Then it's back home, another day of working, and then Asheville. I really could use a break...

Also: Check the wedding blog for a small update...

Thoughts on a Sunday

There is a Monster under my Christmas Tree.


Besides that, I have a list of thoughts:

1) Insanity = Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. In a hard life situation, eventually you will get sick of the situation and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Until then, there is nothing anyone can do for you, and NOTHING IS GOING TO CHANGE.

2) Do you ever feel like a dumping ground for emotional nuclear waste? The people (notice that this is plural) who do the dumping walk away feeling better, having let off enough steam that they don't feel the need to TAKE ANY ACTION, and the listener ends up feeling stressed, and ultimately like THEY DON'T HAVE ANY VALUE because no one ever listens to them. I realize that I have been both the dumper and the dump-ee.

3) Why is it that we all think we are ALONE and the ONLY ONES who UNDERSTAND what we're going through? Do we all really think that we're that unique? Maybe if we took the blinders off every once in a while, we'd see that there are only infinite variations on a very few common themes.

4) I have been on the computer all day. Time to go play something else.

Oh, and it's COLD outside.

Jingle Jingle

Today started out with a trip to Lowe's to find our perfect tree:
Note the big green "tree condom." It doesn't keep needles off the floor, but it makes getting the thing out the door at the end of the season a whole lot easier. :-D
Here's L preparing to string our new c-9 LED lights. Multi-colored! Retro! Fabulous!

And of course, yours truly.. getting ready to decorate, decorate, decorate!

"Merry merry already! Where's my martini?"

L says that the top of the tree looks like it exploded now. I happen to like my sparkly silver thingies, and they do hide the cords and plugs from the lights rather well.. Now all I need is a few little finishing touches...

And a Good Time Was Had By All

Here I am, playing Martha Stewart..

Dinner was great!! And we had a really fun group. Here are some of us after dessert:
PR looks justifiably terrified...
It was the best Thanksgiving ever!

Later: Trigger!!!

Meeting Up With the Past

Last night I had to go meet J to sign over his car title. He finally paid it off. He has no further influence over my credit whatsoever now. It's really all over and done. Finally. Hallelujah.

I ended up talking to him for about 45 minutes or so. He is still quite a talker. But it was really strange. It was almost as if we were still friends and none of the other crap had ever happened. I realized something last night. Several somethings actually:

1) He is and has always been a serial dater. He will never be happy in a committed relationship. He has gone back to his old habits, and obviously that's who he has always been. Just proves my theory that we really should never have gotten married at all. This is why I am an advocate of premarital counseling, y'all.

2) He is and has always been something of a boor. But you know what? There has to be a place in the world for boors, and he has finally found his niche. That's cool. I think back when I was young and stupid, the only men I knew were intolerable boors, and I didn't know there were any different men. I didn't get to spend enough time with my father to see what a man is supposed to be like. I just got enough "daddy" to feel lacking and incomplete most of the time. But that's another subject. If I had known then what I know now... well I wouldn't have made a lot of the mistakes I made.

3) I cannot for the life of me figure out what I ever saw in that man. He is okay as a person, very funny, and is probably great at his job (computer training for Russians? I think? lol).. but put him side by side with L and ... WOW. There is no comparison. None. L is a whole 'nother level, as my sister would say. J is amusing. J is charismatic as ever. J is not particularly interesting. He is not attractive to me in the least. And he could never, ever compete with L in any arena anywhere.

He did say that he saw the engagement announcement, and that he liked our picture. Nice of him to say, and proves to me that whaddaya know, he HAS grown up a bit. He asked about PR and said to tell him hello (aside to PR: He said that "Cabbage Head always was kinda crazy.") He's also going to email me his documentation of harassment by "Roy" for my growing file.

Speaking of which... I have crafted a "cease and desist order" and will be sending that out as soon as I have specific dates for the remaining 3 of the 13 complaints listed therein. More on that later.

I also had dinner with LJ, CJ, and MS last night at the Pub. It was good to see them all again. Missed Mr. B and Fred though.

Later: "Get in the kitchen and make me a PIE!"

Funniest Thing I Heard Yesterday:

"All my life there has been a Hermit inside of me just waiting to ...stay in, I guess."
--CJ

What Do You Say About "The Man" ??

Just gotta say it.

L is the most incredible man I have ever met.

Sure he has his moments.. who doesn't? But occasional bad moods notwithstanding.. he is the kindest, sweetest, most considerate, thoughtful, and generally awesome person I have ever known. I can't believe I got this lucky.

Why is he so awesome?

Because he listens to what I have to say, even if he doesn't agree.
Because even when we do disagree on something, we always treat each other with respect.
Because he never yells unless he's watching football.
Because he pays attention to other people and tries to do things that will make them happy.
Because he is unselfish.
Because he loves children.. and wants to have his with me.
Because he doesn't cheat, ever. Not even at cards.
Because he trusts me and believes in my ability to do things well.
Because I trust him.
Because he is honest even when it's not what I want to hear.
Because he's SO cute!

Because.. I could go on for the next 50 years, and probably will. :-)

Makes me think of my friends Mr B and L'il B, who are still madly in love with each other after 30-something years of marriage. L and I will be like that, I think.. because after 3 1/2 years together, it's already getting better as time goes by. Different, but better.

Could it be that I have finally figured out what love is supposed to be like? Maybe.

Right now it feels like winning the lottery to me.

Another Day at the Barn..

I had a great day, as you can tell..

This is me and D helping M get his wet boots off. It took all three of us, but we finally did it. M looked so cool in his waders.. we all said he looked like an overgrown leprechaun with a chainsaw in them. Everybody liked my Brunswick stew, too. Then Trigger and I went for a ride with A and Tardy and their dog, Z. It was fun. :-)

When I got home, I had another myspace message from "Roy" telling me he knows my wedding date, and not to have any children because of what a horrible mother I will be. What a ****ing moron.

But that's fine. I am documenting everything. All I have to do is put up with another couple weeks of this and then I will just have his slovenly, drug-using butt arrested. Maybe spending Christmas in the slammer would convince him that I am not a worthy object of his attentions? I can only hope.

See, here's the thing: Real friends would never do this to someone, even if you had a falling out. Take A for instance. We might be upset with each other, but she nor I would ever do something like that to one another. She was a real friend.. and I am still sorry for the loss, even though there was nothing I could do about it (principle of the thing, ya know).

Real friends respect you, like L. They can disagree without being nasty or confrontational, like PR. They make you smile like F. They tell you the truth like AC and CJ and R, even when it's not really what you want to hear. And a real friend would respect your wish not to talk about something.. or to them.. if you didn't want to.

This situation with Roy also makes me think seriously about something I never believed before: The decisions you make when you're a teen or in your early 20s.. even something as trivial as who to go out on a date with... can have serious repercussions and shock waves for years to come. In short, some decisions you make will come back and bite you in the ass every chance they get. Take it from someone who has learned it the hard way.

You Be the Judge

I ask you, is this the face of a nut magnet? Someone who attracts crazy people?

At least, it is not the face of someone interesting enough to merit a decade-long obsession. Seriously.

At the risk of compromising the objectivity of my ethical question posts (snort!), I will admit that "Roy" is a real situation that I am really facing. He called L today. I am furious.

I don't know what he thinks he will say to L. I imagine that it will be the same speech he gave to J, long ago and far away. I'm sure he thinks that there is something he can say to L to make him not love me, or if that doesn't work, he will start making threats.

I find it unbelievable that someone who knew me for three months when I was 20 thinks that he knows more about me than the frikkin Love of my Life! The only upshot of this is that the idiot forgot to *67 or whatever, and now I have proof that it was him who called. I also have his address now, and thus so do the police. :-) I'm not playing with this nut. He needs to leave me alone.

But..
I am starting to understand why the freaks have congregated around me my entire life. And they have.. There was A, the serial JW dater. There was JN, the tortured comic book artist who was very gay and very much in denial. There was C, who didn't eat normal food and couldn't be "in love" with anyone who liked him back. There was R, who honestly thought that he was the second coming of Jesus Christ. There was the Awful Fact, who thought she could manipulate me into becoming a lesbian and running away with her, and who honestly believed that she could control the entire world through sorcery using a wooden spoon with a Star of David drawn on it and the contents of her spice rack. There was J, who thought no one else in the world had ever seen a war movie, and who at the age of 25 actually burst into tears because I wouldn't buy him a 1953-model car that wouldn't run.. never mind that we couldn't afford the house payment at the time.

I am sure that there are more. The point is that not everyone deserves a chance. Not everyone who wants to be in your life should be allowed to. Some people are batty. Some are crazy. And some are downright dangerous. It's okay to be pleasant to everyone you meet. It's okay to be civil. It is not okay to let some nutcase glom onto your life and suck you into a quagmire of spiraling bullsh!t just because they "want to be your friend."

You should choose your friends, and carefully! Don't let just anyone become your friends, just because they happen to be present and willing. No one is better than some people. Just saying.

Tomorrow: Trail Cleanup Day with Trigger!
Later: The Good Friends: What do you like about the people you hang out with??? What do you add to one another's lives? Think about it...

Office Space Remix

One of my favorite movie scenes of all time is the one in Office Space, where the guys beat the crap out of the office fax machine. I really feel like I could do that to my printer right now.

I am working late, as usual, and trying to print something long and important. My printer is pausing to groom itself, lick its chops, sniff the door jambs, and take a bathroom break between each page. It's almost like it KNOWS I really need to leave right now.

In other news, I'm gearing up for another busy weekend.. including:
1) CHristmas Shopping!
2) Oil change for the old bucket of bolts
3) Meeting of the minds regarding the HOA social committee
4) The Gigantic Work Day at the Barn, all day Saturday, complete with chainsaws, Brunswick Stew, and cornbread! Yeehaw!
5) Mailing wedding invitations, at last!
6) And then some...

Ethical Question: What would you do?

Yes, it's another one. And this one, like the last, is purely for discussion purposes, with no real or implied relation to any existent situation. Ok.

So let's say that you made some big mistakes in your life. Let's say that you used to hang out with the wrong crowd; criminals, druggie types, panhandlers, pickpockets, loose women, etc. That was many years ago, and since then, you've cleaned up your act and worked very hard to make your way into a respectable station in life. You are not at all proud of your past actions or associations, and you wish to leave them as far in the past as you possibly can.

So let's say that one of your "old friends" (Let's call him Roy, shall we?) has relentlessly tracked you down through the years, to the point that your significant other refers to him as your "stalker." Now, let's say that Roy has threatened harm (and once actually did harm) to you and/or to someone you cared about in the past. And obviously, your "old friendship" ended on a sour note.

Now, a decade and some change later, Roy has contacted you again, even after being told that you don't want to talk to him. He wants to "be friends." You have refused his calls enough that he doesn't contact you by phone anymore, but now he wants to "at least be internet friends."

What would you do?
Would it make a difference if you knew that Roy had a diagnosis of mental/emotional problems, to the point of getting disability for it? What if you knew he was still on drugs?
What if, instead of continuing his drug use, Roy had gone to church and gotten "saved?"
Would it make a difference if you knew that Roy lived nearby, and not 100 miles away?
In your opinion, would being "internet friends" with Roy assuage his need to communicate with you, or would it encourage him to push for more contact?

Discuss. Rinse. Repeat. ;-)

Thought for the Day

Change is very difficult.

So is not changing.

My Plan.. Well, Framework at Least

Of course this must take the form of a list.. I am so fond of lists after all, and this is a goal-oriented list of things that..... well, you'll see.

1) As soon as the wedding is over and my insurance changes over, I am going to counseling. I need to get a few things straight before I dawdle and shrug my way through the rest of my life.

2) And then, I am going to enroll in the preparatory classes for the GMAT (yes, again, because I did such a horrible job on it the last time I took it.. That'll teach me to think I can do everything and that I don't need any help!) and the LSAT. Then I'm going to take the tests.

3) Once I pass the GMAT and the LSAT, I am going to apply to four schools that offer the combination MBA/JD degree program. I will do work-study at whichever university I end up at, in the research administration departments, to keep my experience up and to still earn money while I'm at school. L and I are going to plan the next 4 years so that I can go to school and we can start a family (maybe)..

4) And when I get out of school, I will go for the real jobs. Maybe even go into practice in grants law or audit resolution. I will make much more money than I do now, and if I play my cards right, I might not have too much debt from the student loans, either.

Of course there are things that need to be figured out. I know I will apply to USC and Wake Forest and Duke (even though I know I am not smart enough to get into Duke's Law program, no way, no how. I am nothing if not realistic). I need to find another school that isn't too far away that offers that program. Unfortunately, Clemson doesn't have a law school. Oh well.. everything can't be perfect, can it?

And now.. breakfast, and some sort of plan for the day. I'd like to go riding, but that isn't going to happen. :-( So...

Later: Who knows?

Quick List

At last I can post another list from home.. Got a lot to say but not a lot of time in which to say it. Thus the list:

1) I have a new plan. It's an ambitious plan, but it's one I need to carry out. More on that later.
2) It's great to have company come visit, but I need to make sure I am home from out of town for a few days before. I'm exhausted.
3) I have not been able to spend nearly enough time with Trigger lately. I miss him.
4) Where have all the cowboys gone? Really, does anyone know?

That's enough for now.. I promise to post something worthwhile tomorrow.

Washington...

Here are some pics I took yesterday...

Live from Our Nation's Capital...

I'd offer some commentary, but I am exhausted.
Tomorrow: More pictures, more energy....

No More Candy

And now, on to the next Holiday!

Halloween was pretty cool.. not as insanely busy as last year, but we still went through 95% of the candy we bought. Some of the kids were surly and rude, even though we were the only house with full size candy bars and ocean-themed decorations and a fog machine for their entertainment. I was surprised at the few who thought they could paw through all the candy and basically fill their pillowcases completely from our stash.. but that didn't last long. I started telling them they could only have one pretty early on.

It was funny that the greediest kids were the ones who already had so much candy they'd never be able to eat it all anyway.

We also had some incredibly cute ones.. There was a 3 year old little girl in an I Dream of Jeannie costume that was hands down the most adorable one this year. :-) Lots of people liked the mermaid costume as well.

And now I get to start working on the menu and guest list for Thanksgiving dinner...

I'm getting ready to leave for Washington DC this weekend. I'm going to a conference there with my boss. It should be interesting.. both for the conference and the fact that we have a serious discussion to attend to while we're there.

Later: Pictures from Halloween?

Also: I miss Trigger! Haven't seen him all week!