So this book I'm reading...

"Over the next few months, Sherrie found out a great deal about this friendship. She found that when she couldn't console Lois during her chronic emergencies, Lois would withdraw, hurt. She found out that when Lois was doing all right, she would ignore Sherrie. Lois never called just to see how Sherrie was doing. And she found out that when Sherrie herself called Lois with problems, Lois could only talk about herself.

It was sad to find out that a childhood connection had never really flourished into a mutual attachment. Lois simply couldn't come out of her self-centeredness enough to want to understand Sherrie's world."

"...If one does not have secure bonding [early in life], setting boundaries is too frightening. Many people stay in destructive relationships because they fear abandonment. They fear that if they stand up for themselves, they will be all alone in the world. They would rather have no boundaries and some connection than have boundaries and be all alone."

My Hero

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence - is the key to unlocking our potential.

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.

Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfils the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.

I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

It is no use saying, 'We are doing our best.' You have got to succeed in doing what is necessary.

Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.

More Fun with Lulu

Here we are at the baseball game last Saturday...
And then we went riding on Sunday. Here's S with Cowboy and Bill, her new best friends. As you can see, Cowboy loooovvvveeeessss her.
Smoky is wondering what's up with all the little furry things..
Here's S on her first horse ride ever. She did great! It was lots of fun.
After 3 hours on the trail, she's still smiling! S is really a good rider.. we even cantered some on the way back.

The Giant Prawn Experiment

S had to dissect a crustacean as part of her online class. Procuring the crustacean(s) in question was an adventure in itself.. S charmed the seafood guy at Publix into giving her a giant prawn and a crawfish...
It really was a GIANT prawn..
And of course, we had to photograph the crawfish too...
A was really grossed out by the end of the experiment. She changed her mind about sauteeing him, for sure.

I love this pic.. L is checking out her notes and her half-dismantled crustacean, and she's gagging. LOL ;-)

Later: Horseback riding!

Up Yonder?

Here's grandmother with her chipmunk... One of the cats caught this chipmunk and brought him in the house. he got away from the cat and disappeared into the closet, where he stayed for a month. Grandmother left food out on the floor for him, and finally caught him. She named him Willy and put him in this aquarium..

..where he was tortured by the cats for a few days. I think he started going nuts a little, so Grandmother finally released him back into the wild. LOL
Here's S again, sitting in GM's wheelchair and painting.
S gave Mom her skirt from "Grease".. GMa is writing the date inside the waistband here..

The Holler

Here are some pictures from the NC trip: First we have S and one of her paintings. GMa was freaking out so bad about S's painting technique that S and I finally started screaming "OMG WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!" every time GMa started saying "don't oh don't DO it like that!!" It was actually quite entertaining.
This is one of Grandmother's cactus flowers out on the porch..
Here I am (you can tell I have had about enough fun back in the sticks with the fambly by this point) with Mom..
Me and GF..
Here I am with Grandmother..

List, In Pictures

1. This turkey has taken up residence behind our house.2. Last Thursday was my birthday. L and the zoo bought me presents:
My very own crocs (which I thought I'd never wear until I tried them on. They're SO comfy!!) and iPod speakers! Yay!!
3. Ah, the trip to NC.. I got to see Paw Paw and Nanny. Haven't seen them in a while.
Also got to see Dad, but didn't get a picture of him this time. I took lots of pictures with me, though. I brought Mom and Dad both a photo book from the wedding, along with some prints for them, Nanny & Paw Paw, and Gm & Gf.

4. S and the younger cousins had a great time playing in the woods, and then cavorting around in a rainstorm:
I love this pic! :-)

Later: More pics from North Carolina
AND
Later Still: The Giant Prawn Experiment!

I Has A Teenager

S has arrived, and spent her first day at our house painting pictures and working on an online class for school. I am still trying to get her summer job lined up at the University. It is proving to be quite frustrating.

She's hilarious.. I have pics to post later from our trip to NC.

Once again, my family is so depressing that the government could actually videotape them for use in demoralizing the enemy troops.. Visiting my mom's house certainly demoralizes me to the point of just giving up on life altogether. :-| Sheesh.. sometimes it's just too unbelievable to be real.

Don't worry, I'll try to post pictures and a more coherent explanation later.
Right now, it's back to the office for another day of drudgery. O joy.

Eeyore Strikes Again

Well. What can I say? I am feeling quite morose lately.

I guess there is a lot of anxiety about what's going on at work right now, and why everything is changing.. right down to my friends and my interactions with them. I'm in kind of a funk, where I second-guess my every word and action until I feel ready to leap face-first off the nearest bridge or tall building.

Nobody else cares about anything I say, so I don't know why I am even worried about it. And I know that whatever happens with any of the current situations in my life, be it family, work, or other, it really doesn't say that much about me as a person.

But for some reason I feel that it does. I let it eat at me until I am really angry, and it wears me out. I feel that one mistake will permanently derail me, that one person's opinion can sway the whole world.. it's almost like I expect to fail but I am terrified of even the slightest indication that I might screw up.

Bleh. How's that for an interesting, uplifting start to the morning?

Look at My Muffin!!!

I can't believe how fast she has grown up!! What an awesome girl.. I am really excited about having her here for the summer. :-D

The Listification of ORP

Thoughts, at random, as they occur:

1) I thank God every day that five years ago, I stood up against everything I believed in. If I hadn't, I shudder to think of the things I would have had to live with, and the conditions I would be living in. That one little stand.. that one little boundary has made all the difference. I would never have known what a marriage should be, or what I am capable of when I am not told every minute of the day that I am not good enough.. It's amazing, really.

Come on, say it with me: "If you can't treat me with dignity and respect, then you cannot be in any kind of relationship with me." Believe me, it works.

2) Does anyone know what the deal is with friends? Why they fade in and fade out of your life.. why sometimes it seems that they're there and other times it seems as if they don't even know you (or care to)? Is it that we aren't made to have very many really close relationships, or is that human nature doesn't allow us to get along harmoniously when we're very close to one another (whether emotionally or physically)? Is that "forced closeness" why most of us have issues with our families? Just curious...

3) Speaking of friends, ... I think PR doesn't like me anymore. I haven't been able to leave a comment on his blog since that night we went to the Galley, about 6 months ago. And come to think of it, he hasn't really talked to me since then either. I think maybe I am not "in the right crowd" anymore. Or maybe not fit for public association, since I am not a regular church-goer? That' s the impression I have gotten, but I have been known to be wrong before.

If that's the case, though, it's a shame. I miss him.

4) I cooked steak tonight, with garlic and rosemary roasted potatoes. Yumm. It was ten times better than the one we had out at Sassafras on Saturday night.. and even with cocktails, it was about $90 cheaper than Saturday. I am becoming a restaurant snob.. but then I should be, when I can eat better at home for less money.

Makes a difference when gas costs more than food for a week.

5) Ok, I really think I want a baby now. It should have green eyes like L and blonde hair like me. And it should be very fat and giggly.. because that's the best kind of baby.

6) Did I just say that out loud? I did, didn't I?

Later:
Pictures of something.. I haven't decided what yet..

Testy Trigger May Revisit the Trainer

I went riding Sunday and got caught in a rain storm. By the time I got back to the barn, I was soaked and dripping.

Did I mention that I left the top down on the car?

Oh yeah. I got it home, but I won't be driving it for a bit while it dries out. :-(

Trigger has been in rare form lately..


He's beautiful but kind of hard to control, on the ground at least. Getting a bridle on him these days is like WWF. And he wins because he is huge and I am not. I always have to get help now, and I hate it. I think he's going back to the trainer for a one-week brush-up. :-\

A Flag is a Flag.. Except When it Isn't...

So I must relate my experience at the mall on Friday, simply because of the stunning stupidity involved.

Ok, most people who read my blog know that I live in South Carolina (the state that started the Civil War, etc etc). Anyone who knows me also knows that I would never be caught dead wearing a rebel flag.. not because I am not proud of my "Southern Heritage" but because the flag is associated with so much hate and hoopla and complete bullshiat that it has completely lost any other meaning it may (or may not!) have ever had. And I don't particularly relish being automatically classed with the beer-chugging, mullet-wearing, toothless, ignorant bigot that every newscaster in the country seems to find to put on camera anytime a story comes up in the South.

The truth is that most residents of SC don't even know the flag's history, or why so many people are offended by it. They are because "everyone is."

That's just a little background for my Friday Mall Experience. See, I went to get my hair done, and the salon is just across the street from the mall, so I went over to check out the Big Sales. There's a new shoe store there, so I stopped in to see what kind of cool shoes they had.

There were four people in the store: me, the salesgirl (white, blonde, bored), and three black teens.. two boys and a girl. I heard the three black youths discussing something rather heatedly, with the word "b!tch" featured quite prominently. I couldn't figure out what the fuss was about, and kept looking for the person they were talking about.

It took a moment to figure out that it was ME they were talking about. Did I mention that I was wearing a shirt that I bought on my honeymoon? Well, I was. It featured large text that said "OXFORD, ENGLAND", along with...
...a Union Jack. You know, the BRITISH FLAG.

I heard the black girl say "Y'all it's just a shirt!" And the two boys continue to deride my character for being "a damn racist" and other things I can't repeat here.

The salesgirl caught on pretty quickly and said "Oh! Oxford! Have you been to England?"

I replied "Oh yes! I went on my Honeymoon, to ENGLAND!!!" This while holding the shirt out from my chest and pointing adamantly at the HUGE white letters below the flag that said... ENGLAND.

The black girl was the only one who even registered the sarcasm. The change on her face was visible and mortified as she realized that the object of her friends' furor was not in fact a rebel flag at all. She literally averted her eyes and walked away from her two friends, who continued to talk about "that b!tch" until I left the store. It was so hard not to laugh out loud that there were tears threatening to roll down my face by the time I got back out to the main walkway of the mall. I felt so sorry for the poor black girl.. I would never have intentionally embarrassed someone that way, except it was just... necessary.

So, as a quick recap to those of you who may not have appreciated the incredible ignorance at work here, THIS is a rebel flag:
THIS is the Union Jack:

See the difference???

I don't care who you are or where you live... it oughta be pretty easy to tell one from the other.
If any sort of history or geography were taught in schools these days, I think this sort of thing would never happen.

Later:
Another adventure

List # 987,876,234 and counting

1) I'm by myself in the office this week. It's summertime and the students are gone, which means that the faculty are concentrating on their grants. Which means I am busier than the proverbial one-legged man in the proverbial butt-kicking contest. I am taking names, though. ;-)

2) Trigger rocks.

3) L is home, and he rocks too.

4) The cleaning lady came yesterday and the house now rocks as well,

5) Someone I know has a very important doctor's appointment today. She should know that I am thinking about her, hoping all goes well, and that this should definitely change her way of thinking about things. There is nothing as important as taking care of yourself, in every aspect of life. Being healthy and responsible is the foundation for everything else you could ever want to do in life. Everything.

6) I wish I could take one of the dogs to work today. I think Denver would be a good addition to my office on a day when I need to keep people out and my mind in overdrive. Oh well. I wouldn't have room to drive him or time to walk him during the day, so he's best staying here with L. ;-) Besides, our custodian would kill me.

7) By the way, where the heck are my prom pictures??? My niece went to the prom on Saturday and I haven't even seen a single picture of her dress!

Later: Pictures of Trigger.. my how he has grown!
Also: An update on the car shopping extravaganza.

Interesting Quotes:

" We need to have space inside ourselves where we can have a feeling, an impulse, or a desire without acting it out. We need self control without repression. We need to be able to say no to ourselves. This includes both our destructive desires and some good ones that are not wise to pursue at a given time. "

"Steve has a problem hearing and accepting others' boundaries. To him, No is simply a challenge to change the other person's mind... He resists taking responsibility for his own life, so he needs to control others... He is perceived as a bully, manipulative and aggressive.

...

Controllers like Steve are undisciplined people. They have little ability to control their impulses or desires. While it appears that they "get everything they want in life," they are still slaves to their appetites. Delaying gratification is difficult for them. That's why they hate the word No from others. They desperately need to learn to listen to the boundaries of others to help them observe their own."

"...boundaries need to be made visible to others and communicated to them in relationship... We are beset by fears of guilt, not being liked, loss of love and connection...and so on. Because of these fears, we try to have secret boundaries. We withdraw passively and quietly instead of communicating an honest No to someone we love. We secretly resent instead of telling someone that we are angry about how they have hurt us. Often we will privately endure the pain of someone's irresponsibility instead of telling them how their behaviors affect us and other loved ones, information that would be helpful to their soul."

--from "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend

It's May Already

Well it's been a while, so I guess I'd better post an update. :-)

I miss L. I'm busier than ever at work, and still trying to get over my sinus/ear infection. I'm going over to M's tonight for Idol night with her and AC. I'm making peach caramel ice cream right now.. waiting for it to set up so I can take it over.

The ice cream maker is really loud.

I'm also doing a lot of life evaluation. Sounds kind of stupid, but without going into too much detail, "life evaluation" is the best way to describe it.

I'm also working on a huge art project (pics later, when there's something to take a picture of...).

Whirlwind

Once again I have so much going on that it's hard to find time to blog.. and most of what is on my mind these days would make boring reading anyway. (Well.. boring or incendiary, neither of which is productive. ;-) )

I have a 43-song set list to learn in very short order. My allergies are acting up. I have a ton of housework that needs doing, and phone calls to make and stupid situations to figure out.

Don't know what's going on with some of my friends.. but something is up with one in particular. I vacillate between trying to figure it out and really not giving a crap. Sounds bad, but hey, it's true.

At least I am not so depressed. :-)

Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam..

Victoria & Albert Museum was bombed during WWII.. the holes and dents in the building are still there. Very cool..

Speaking of cool.. Monty Python is, very! We saw Spamalot at the Palace Theatre. :-) It was great!
Here I am with a giant lion at Trafalgar square. This was a hard picture to get.. but fun!
Buckingham Palace..

Pictures! Again!

I thought this one was cool, because the bird took off as I was snapping the picture. It's very interesting to me.
Here I am on our first day in London, in the snow.
And of course I had to have a picture in one of the famous phone booths..
Here is L enjoying his breakfast aboard the Thames ferry boat..
And last but not least.. I am standing on the steps on the other side of the stage, trying to pretend that I am standing on Shakespeare's stage,, since they wouldn't allow me to actually get up there!

More Paris Pictures

Here I am at the top of Sacre Coeur
And here we are on the bridge with Notre Dame in the background..
Here I am in a cafe in Paris. This cat just walked up and jumped into my lap, curled up, and started purring. He was really a lot like Monster.. ;-)
The Arc de Triomphe..
L (with the Eiffel Tower..)