Cataloochee

Trigger and I went riding with our friend MMw and a group of his friends yesterday. We left the barn at 5:30 am and hit the road for Cataloochee, NC. These are the woods right before we rode into them...
Here we are after a few hours of riding... Trigger was SO GOOD all day! I was very proud of him. He climbed hills, crossed rivers, walked on rocks, and exhibited remarkable courage and composure when faced with the elk! There were elk everywhere, and they were in rut, which makes them dangerous.. but we made it (despite one semi-close call) and it was an amazing day!!
Here's "the posse".. Don't they look like something out of a western movie? What a great bunch of guys!
THIS is how close we were to the elk! This one is marking his territory by tearing up the ground. We also saw some females running away from the males. They had a baby elk with them that was adorable! But I couldn't get a picture of them.. we were busy retreating from the bellowing male that was chasing them! These animals are almost as big as Trigger... and that's not counting their antlers! I would NOT want to attract one's attention!

When they are in season (like yesterday) the males make a bugling sound that really sounds like a woman screaming or maybe like a 2-year-old throwing a massive, screeching fit. (To quote Bobby, "I b'lieve that'un has done got in touch with his feminine side!")
After the ride, we all stopped for a delicious steak dinner at Binion's in Hendersonville. Our waitress asked how it was that I was the only lady with the group of guys. I said "Just lucky I guess!" They seemed to like that okay.. I got invited back next time at least. :-)

Today: Counseling appointment #2, Buying invitations - Round 2, and Planning the Rehearsal Dinner at the Hyatt.. followed by an FSU game watching party (mmm, chicken wings..!)

Gone and Done It

Today I went to the estate buying event at Haywood Mall and waited in line for hours. Actually they gave me a number and said to go shop while I waited, so I did. I bought a dress, two shirts, and a belt at Express because I had gift certificates to spend, and then I went to buy a birthday gift for my sister.

They finally got to my number at about 1:30 this afternoon, and I sold my wedding rings from J (and the last Valentines gift from him) for $625. I paid $3200 for the ring. It's a shame, but after shopping it around for the last 4 years or so, I have finally accepted the fact that I got ripped off in the first place. I was also frankly sick of looking at the ring.

But I had me a moment after it left my hands for the last time.

It's kind of like when you pull a plant out of the ground by the roots.. you expect there to be a hole there in the earth where it used to live. Imagine the surprise if you didn't see one. That's how it felt. I honestly didn't know that there was still any part of him still left in my heart. Turns out there was.. it was a tiny little thing like a splinter, and when it got pulled out today, it didn't leave an impression at all.

It's gone. There's nothing left except a dress (which is selling on ebay), some memories, and a box of photographs in the top shelf of the extra closet. The pictures only remain so that my sister and I can laugh at them in 20 years. We like to do that sort of thing. The idea that my life is moving onward and upward has taken hold and gotten comfortable.

This is a good place to be.

Debut #426

I'm singing at the Seasons Thursday night. Yes, that's tomorrow. Yes, I am only singing two songs, and I only have two rehearsals under my belt. I'm doing it anyway.

An Ode to L..

In the past few weeks, the following things have gone haywire:
1) My sister
2) A situation at work
3) Wedding planning is always haywire
4) The band (wtf is going on there.. anybody know???)

I was driving home from work (by way of A-Town) today feeling very low and depressed. I thought to myself, why can't something be NORMAL.. just one thing in my life!!! Why does everything have to be so hard and emotionally draining and f***ing difficult? Why do crazy people follow me everywhere I go? Why am I constantly dogged by drama that I can't ever ever ever get away from?

Don't tell me the Lord doesn't have a sense of humor. Don't even try.

Because just about then L called. He was wondering when to expect me home, and wanted to tell me that he had steaks marinating in the fridge and needed to know what we should eat with them (long grain and wild rice, with salad, I said. And lo! It was good.)

Right this minute, I am going to be very very serious:

Thank God for that man. He is the best thing that ever happened to me. He's my best friend and my favorite pastime. He makes me happy when skies are gray, etc etc.

So I sat down on the patio in our backyard with a glass of wine and the new Oprah magazine, while the steaks sizzled on the grill.. and read an article that made me sit there with my mouth hanging open for a full minute..

Because everything that has been frustrating the heck out of me for the last 2 months was right there on the page, along with a handy synopsis of what I need to be doing about it instead of complaining. Just goes to show that even if you don't read the Bible much, God will still find a way to tell you what He thinks you should know (no matter what the Jehovah's Witnesses say!) It might be Oprah, it might be a bald man with a steak, or it might be a particularly stubborn young palomino horse.

He'll tell you, and keep telling you until you shut up and listen.

It's Sunday Already?

It's been a strange couple of weeks..

We've had wedding issues, we've tried to deal with the invitations issue.. We sent them back, just waiting for our refund now. L is trying to rein in the wild fantasies of some of his family members about what the wedding is going to be like.. and bring the focus back to the we are getting married part. It has turned into a chance for certain people to live vicariously, and/or a chance for an elaborate family reunion.

I've been boiling about a situation at work, and actually explained my theory to AC last night. I probably should have kept my mouth shut, but I have been thinking it for a long time. I don't think she would make an issue of it at work.. and if it came down to it, I don't think I would be afraid to say everything I said last night directly to the person in question. I just think that working with that person may be difficult after such a revelation. Then again, it may improve things.. they couldn't get a whole lot worse, after all...

L and I went to our first premarital counseling appointment yesterday as well. It was actually pretty nice. Our counselor is an African-American preacher from Gray Court who is very laid back, very funny, and very reasonably priced. He gave us homework.. I get to ask L any three questions and he has to answer them.. or at least explain his reasons for not answering, and he gets to make me slow down and/or come home instead of doing some activity. We also have to rent King Kong and watch it together. Then we have to write a page each about what we think the movie is about. We can't compare notes though.. we just have to bring them with us next Saturday.

Later: Trigger!

My Skull Hurts.

The Promised Public Service Announcement

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:
This PSA comes about as a result of the things I have seen and heard this week.. at work and out in public.

You.
Yeah, you, who won't ever admit to reading my blog because I'm nowhere near as important as you.. You know who you are. There's something I need to say to you, so listen up.

I like lists, so you're getting one. Starting now:

1) You are not better than anyone else just because you can afford cosmetic surgery, or because you have PhD (or any other combination of letters) after your name, or because you're from another country or because of whatever parts might reside in your nether regions. I don't care where you come from. This is America, and here we believe that all people are created equal. Lose the attitude and deal with it. You're getting on my last nerve.

2) No one else is inferior to you just because they don't have a lot of money (even if said lack of funds is due to their own bad decisions in life.. nobody died and made you the judge), or because they didn't go to college, or because you're cuter than they are. I don't care if your reasons for thinking so are religious, cultural, or just your almighty opinion... you're wrong. Stop acting like an a$$hole and maybe you'd have some friends to spend time with; maybe then you wouldn't have time to think up new and interesting "comebacks" to perceived (though nonexistent) slights.

3) Unless you have walked in someone else's shoes for at least a day, or sat at their desk and taken the same BS they have to put up with, you shouldn't presume to tell someone to "do their job." Or lecture on how to do a job you have never done, aren't trained to do, and haven't been asked to comment on... (atrocious grammar, I know, but please bear with me).

4) I don't know who told you that being rude, nasty, and arrogant to anyone would get any kind of results. It doesn't. I don't care if the cashier or waiter in front of you has an IQ of 19 and is ugly as sin, you're not going to get what you want out of him/her by screaming and calling them names. Nor yet by demanding to speak to the manager and then screaming and calling him names. It doesn't work. Stop doing it. You are making everyone around you miserable and uncomfortable, and you still aren't going to get what you want.

5) It isn't really that hard to be nice. If someone holds the door for you, the correct response is "Thank you." If someone honks the horn at you because you are sitting at a dead stop at a green light, the correct response is to press your foot on the skinny pedal on the right side of your floorboard,, not to flip the bird at the person who honked. If you left your purse on the back of your car and then sped off, and someone saved your purse for you and called you to return it, with contents intact, the correct response is "Thank you SO MUCH!!"


I realize that it is hard to be nice all the time. I try really hard, but sometimes my true nature wins out and I just have to express my outrage.. but I try to keep it a rare occurrence. Like yesterday.. But that's another post. The point is, you would get a lot further in life if you treated people like.. people and not obstacles to your perfect little life. Just saying.

Demotivation

Sometimes it is really hard to get motivated to write.

Sometimes I can post every day and not feel like I am just blathering.. but not lately. I guess part of it could be because I am so busy .. and because sometimes dealing with the massive stupidity I find at every turn keeps me so demoralized that it's hard to string a sentence together some days.

Like today.
Just saying.

Later:
Clearing up some common myths (A Public Service Announcement for People Whose Posterior and Cranium have Somehow Switched Positions...)

This is so good, I have to post it again..

Go to the wedding blog to see 'em all...

Drive By Blog Update

Once again, I have so much going on that it's not even funny to try to list all of it. Of course I'm going to give it a try:

1) Check the wedding blog for our latest wedding invitation fiasco, and our hotel visits.. and our unfortunate attempt at a photo shoot yesterday..

2) Trigger needs riding..

3) L and I are both still feeling icky. This is some tenacious virus.. but it isn't going to slow me down. I am too busy.

4) The house really needs cleaning..

5) We have no groceries

6) The weather is awesome, though, isn't it?

Pics from last Weekend...

L at Friday Nite Jazz..
Log and Cb at Roper Mtn..
J, Lise, Log and Cb at Isaqueena Falls..
Me and L at the falls..

A Quote

"I'm not a nice person.. I am pushing myself."
--Fran

Amen, sister! I feel the same way 99% of the time. ;-) I'm not really very nice either.. though I would like to be.

How Much Longer???

I'm so tired.

I feel like going back to bed and staying there for the rest of the day, Adderall notwithstanding. But that's not gonna happen because I have too much to do at work. Yesterday was another one of those days where everything went wrong and annoying, and I couldn't get out of the office until after 6.

It's not happening today, that's for sure.

So.. it's time to get going, but just so we don't feel like our day is going badly, here's a little something to make you realize that your day isn't bad at all:
My Sister's Car

Newscast from the Doldrums

Jazz class last night was great. I didn't get to do much except look through music and listen, but it was great just the same. There are some incredibly skilled musicians in that class! I have a feeling I will learn a lot there.

In other news, my sister's car burned up yesterday. She finally goes and gets the **** thing fixed, and it bursts into flame on the way home from the shop. And when I say "burst into flame" I mean just that. Apparently my family has a startling propensity toward automobiles that spontaneously combust. And with the way things are going lately, I am wondering what will burn down next. This is awful!

On other fronts.. I got a call yesterday from another friend of A. During that conversation, I got the feeling that there has been some spin put on the situation between me and A. As if I am such a b**** and A bears no blame for what happened. And as if I am harboring some kind of grudge.

Y'all I'm not MAD, I'm HURT!!! All it would have taken was a phone call!!!! The only reason I'm not over it is a) I care about A and I would love to be her friend again but b) I have yet to get a straight answer about why she never showed up in Vegas.. just several different stories that don't quite jive, and c) other people keep telling me that I am in the wrong here, and I'm NOT. I'm sorry, if A cared at all about me or my friendship, she would have called me at some point in the last 8 months.

But she doesn't.

So what the **** am I supposed to do? I called them and offered anything I can do to help them in their horrible situation. And make no mistake, I would do it. I will be there for them in any way I can. When they set up a fund for the family, I will donate to it. I would be there helping them sift through the rubble if I felt like they wanted me to. I called other friends who have gone to help.

I see it just like I see my JW family at this point.. my door is open. I love her and would be willing to help her if she wanted or needed my help. But if she wanted my friendship, she would call me. Period. I'm not going to throw myself at someone and beg them to be my friend, when they have continually hurt my feelings in the past. Not when I have made an entire career out of being screwed over by other people. Not when I actually do have friends who actually will show up when they make plans with me, and who call when they can't make it, and who actually care when something is going on in my life. There is no excuse for that kind of rudeness.

Of course, of course, of course I still care about A. Of course I would still be there for her if she wanted me to. But she doesn't. Why is everybody acting like I'm being unreasonable?

And finally, our biggest story this morning.. It's September 11 again. Don't forget. Don't ever forget or get complacent. Support the troops even if you don't agree with the war they're fighting.. they didn't pick the fight. And finally, God Bless America.. we need it.

So Much to Say

I have a lot of stuff I could write about right now, but not enough time in which to do it.. so it'll have to wait.

I had a good weekend, but I am tired. And work today was harder than usual. Who am I kidding?? Work today was HELL.

I am feeling sad and tired and quite fed up with the way some people seem to think they can treat me. Well, not just me. Other people in general. This includes family, "friends," and colleagues. Not everybody, but...

most of my family
about 1/4 of the people I work with, and
a good 50% of the people I meet on the street

I'm just about done accepting it, and I am more than done with assuming that it's all my fault.

I'm going to try jazz class again.. we'll see if anyone else actually shows up this time.

Uh... wow

A, A2, and A3's house burned to the ground yesterday.

They're okay. I called CJ and he went over to help them. I called A2 and talked to him, and they seem fine.. I told him that if they needed anything they could call us.. but i know that given the situation, they won't.

It's a terrible shame, all of it.

Drive By Posting..

It's been busy around here..

Company from FL, a ride with Trigger on Friday morning, cooking big dinners, the Roper Mountain Science Center today, then the mall to get the guys fitted for tuxedos for the wedding...

And I think I might be coming down with something. This afternoon I took a nap, Adderall and all. Normally it would take an Act of God to put me to sleep in the middle of a day I took that medicine. I think if i hadn't taken it this morning, I would have slept all day.

Looks like Trigger might not get his ride tomorrow.

I'll post pics later.

Life Lesson #964

Just a few things I've been thinking about for the last few days:

It's amazing the things we learn as children that impact our adult lives profoundly. Our attitudes toward the opposite sex, relationships, commitment, and the way you're supposed to behave... all these things are influenced directly by the way you are treated and the things you observe as a small child.

And then you grow up, and if you're like me and grew up in a family that put the "D" in "Dysfunctional," you start to suddenly realize that your view of the world is warped.

The problem is that it's hard to share these revelations with others. It's almost impossible to convey to someone who is going through a problem you've already experienced that you discovered a way to cope. It may be a moot point anyway, since what works for me may not work for anybody else.

In dealing with other people (who I care about, and who consequently have the power to hurt me), I find that "seeing someone's potential" to be a good friend, a good partner, whatever is never enough. You can't change anyone, no matter how much you think they need changing. If someone doesn't come to a realization on their own that they need to change... then it ain't happening. Therefore, if someone isn't a good influence, friend, partner, etc now... then find someone who is.

And another thing... it is silly to blame yourself for the fact that someone else doesn't treat you the way you deserve to be treated (that is, with courtesy and respect). You can't control someone else's actions (even if they're your child), and therefore you can't be blamed for someone else's actions.. or lack thereof.

And sometimes the best thing to do in a volatile emotional situation is to back off, stop talking, and reboot the server.

Just saying.

The Weekly List..

1) Does anyone really realize HOW EASY it is to rack up $1K on your credit card, without even consciously thinking about it? That seems like a lot of money, but it goes fast if you don't watch it. A vet bill, a car repair, a trip for work, and some wedding invitations, and bam, you have a problem. But I guess most people aren't as retentive as I am about not using the card again until it's all paid off. Reimbursement check from work should arrive by the end of the week, plus reimbursement from the wedding fund, and over half of it is gone. Then add all my ebay profits to that, and it's a much smaller amount. Still, I don't like to leave it sitting there.

2) Well the jazz thing didn't happen last night. I went to the place at the right time, waited an hour, but nobody ever showed up and I was very angry about it. I hate being disappointed, and I was really disappointed. I am not sure what happened. Hopefully someone will respond to my email asking wth happened.

3) I'm very tired this morning and would like nothing better than to climb back in bed and go back to sleep.. but that's not gonna happen. In fact, it's time to head to the office already. So.. off to the salt mines..

Later: Grocery shopping for the weekend.. we've got company coming...

Yay, Tigers!

So Clemson won last night. L was not pleased. All in all, it was quite an adventure.

I'm tired today, though, and it's hot in here, and I'm not particularly in the mood to be working. Good thing the day is almost over.

It's going to be a busy week.. and a busy month.. and a busy.. rest of the year I guess. The wedding is exactly 4 months, 2 weeks away and we still have a lot to do.

Later: jazz class...

Extreme Productivity

Yesterday was very productive. Somewhat annoying, but productive. I ran errands all morning: dry cleaners, alterations shop, nail salon, library, post office.. Then L and ate leftovers for lunch, and went to a jewelry store in the mall so that he could get sized.

He wears a 10 1/2, and will look really nice in a wedding band. Now there's a surprise. :-)

I also consulted with a diamond buyer. I watched him completely take a lady who was there right before me.. gave her $600 for a ring that was clearly worth 3-4 times that. I knew, he knew, and he knew I knew.. so he declined to give me an offer for my ring at all. Fine by me. He said that he didn't like the cut. I will just have to put it in the paper again and see what happens. Or maybe even ebay. We'll see. I might even take it back to the store where I bought it and try for an exchange again.

The guy did say that he'd "kill for the diamond on my finger." L piped up with "So would she!" before I could. It was quite amusing. I gave him my best cowgirl grin and said "And I think I could take you in a fair fight." It was really an amicable discussion, though we all recognized and understood the undercurrents. Needless to say, we will be buying our wedding bands elsewhere.

After that, we went home and cooked New York strips on the grill. L marinated them in some sort of garlic and herb marinade. They were delicious. After that I cleaned the entire house and did the laundry. It's really sparkly in here.

Then we went to bed...
*sigh* (well, that sigh is more like a purr...)

This morning I had brownies for breakfast with my coffee. I am contemplating whether to go to the barn and ride today, or whether to stay here and do something else instead.

Tomorrow: The Clemson-FSU game at Death Valley! Go TIGERS!!