Zoom

Ok, there's been a few things going on:

1) My mother is the best layer-on of guilt trips in the history of the world. And I am her favorite victim. She had her surgery yesterday, and Wednesday night before the whole thing went down, she gave me the guilt trip to end all guilt trips.

I will be the first to tell you that I am no longer a crier. I hate crying. It pisses me off. And I look really stupid when I cry, so I try not to do it. Anyway, I've certainly never done it in front of L. He was so cute, trying to make me laugh. Making jokes about drama and asking me why my mother chose me for the special treatment.

I had to explain it to him, and he said I should be more like my sister in that regard. I've certainly never heard anybody tell me THAT before. I've always been told NOT to be like my sister, mostly by my mother, and mostly when she thought she had some control over what I do. But I digress. Again.

Mom made it through the surgery fine, her jabs to the contrary notwithstanding. She will be out of the hospital in 5 days. That's a lot sooner than we thought. This will mean a decision on whether she's coming to stay with us or not. Jury's still out on that.

2) I had to come in to work on my day off because of a proposal that had to go out, and no one else is here to do it. Oh well. At least it's comp time. After work I am going to lunch with the people from work, and then to the studio to work on some music. L is meeting me in Anderson for the Soiree (the street festival that our band was supposed to be playing, but now we're not). We may see A&A there.. but I haven't really heard from them since the no-show last weekend.

I'll post again later, maybe tomorrow. I am sure to have more to say about all of the above then.

unintentional disconnect

I'm a little spaced out today. Lack of sleep does that to me from time to time. Then again, sometimes I space out anyway. J called it PTSD. I call it being a weirdo.

Anyway I'm growing tired of the acronyms. I don't really want to name this weird "mood" for lack of a better word. (Mood, moodiness, depression, funk, whatthehellever). I don't want to define it. I just want to make it go away.

I don't think I am the most easily understood individual, but I am a pretty good communicator when I need to be. It's just that sometimes my thoughts WILL NOT cooperate and stand in a straight line. It's days like this that I can't get any work done and I can't concentrate and that results in me being ill and irritated by the end of the day. Not to mention stir-crazy.

Today, Tupperware. Tomorrow, The World.

I got up this morning and scrubbed the house, tried to make it presentable.

The tupperware party was today. The ladies from work came, but no one else did. No one from the neighborhood, which I kind of expected, and none of my friends, which kind of ticked me off a little. I mean, if you're not coming, then don't tell me you are.

Of course, I am getting used to this sort of thing. After my friend J, I have begun to notice it a little faster than I used to. And maybe sometimes I am a little bitchier than I need to be about it. It's not the end of the world if someone tells you they're going to do something/be somewhere/call and then they don't. It's just one of my pet peeves.

Anyway, L went to the movies while the party was going on. We have a ton of food and two huge bottles of wine left, and now it's up to me and L to eat em. Fun stuff.

I listed about 10 things on ebay, but one of them was removed by the admin, because they said it violated the adult materials policy (I was selling J's old collectors edition Playboy from 1/00). Oh well. I will relist it under mature audiences some other time.

L came home, we took the dogs for a walk, and then watched Crash on TV. Excellent movie. Excellent. L is flipping channels and munching some of the left over party food, and I think I must go join him. I feel that a glass of wine is in order.

How Strange..

Ok, I don't get men. Sometimes the one I have is really confusing. He is great, but confusing. Like he doesn't really get mad, but I get the same vibe from him as I think I would if he were. Does that make sense? Didn't think so.

He thinks it's stupid for me to go to the tanning place, when I could lie out in the back yard. I know that I could do it that way, but it takes forever, I always end up getting scorched that way, and I just plain don't want to. I like to tan at the beginning of the season to get the base tan so that I can go to the pool and stay out as long as I want without having to worry about being blistered.

I guess the other thing is that he is not a good communicator. Mildly annoying, but nothing we can't get around if he is willing to try. I think he's just not used to it. He thinks of things his way, and that's the way it is as far as he's concerned. Convincing him otherwise is quite a job... but at this point it's not really important. At some point it will be, I know.

I think that he doesn't like to talk about certain subjects (i.e. sex), so he assumes that everything should be fine if we never talk about it. I like to talk about everything. I don't think there should be taboo subjects in a relationship (except possibly past relationships). I mean, if you can't talk about it, how do you expect to do it? You have to be able to communicate what you want on some level, and subtlety is not the strongest feature of our relationship. I for one am not a mind reader. And he is not a talker. Which leaves a little bit of a problem.

It's better than it could be, but not as good as it could be, either. We'll get there. Hopefully.

Manipulation

I think I should write a book. I think it could be a best seller. The longer I live, the more I realize what a strange creature my childhood was. Nothing about it was even vaguely normal.

Of course, I could write to my heart's content, but I'd better publish it posthumously. Somebody would kill me over that little gem, I can promise. If it weren't the JWs, it would be my mother. ;)

And speaking of whom.. I told Mom I couldn't come visit this past weekend because L wanted me to help him finish painting the house. We still didn't get it all painted, but we got a good bit of it done. We are having people over this weekend, and it has to be done. Besides that, we wouldn't have had time to do any of the backbreaking manual labor my mother wants, nay, expects, us to do when we come visit (which is why no one comes to visit her anymore).

The response I got was "Well if I die in the surgery I won't have ever gotten to hug you again." As if that's fair! It's not as if she isn't coming to stay with us after the surgery. And it's not as if she hasn't had this exact same surgery twice and lived through it fine.

Add to that the fact that she wants me to come to AR and get her after the surgery. In other words, drop $1000 on plane tickets just to fly out, turn around, get on another plane, and fly back. And don't even get me started on driving out there, which is what she really wants me to do.

Still there is a part of me that feels like teetotal shit because I won't do exactly what she wants me to do. I can't say she asks me to do it, because she doesn't ask. She demands, she manipulates, she guilt trips, but I really don't think she even knows that she's doing something inappropriate.

I really think she doesn't understand why people react to it the way they do. After we talked about it on the phone and I told her that we couldn't come this weekend and exactly why, she called again later to make some sort of counteroffer.. It really is sort of like some sort of transaction with her. Everything is.

She said that she could get one piece of the furniture we are going to use of hers into the van, and why didn't we drive to Charlotte and get at least that from her. Um.. hello??? If we could do that, we'd be coming up there this weekend instead of trying to get the rest of this stuff done!!!

And still, I feel bad for feeling the way I do about the guilt trips and manipulation. It's just that she's sort of like the little boy who cried "wolf" at this point. I have been on an emotional rollercoaster with her for the past 20 years. At some point you have to stand back and say, hold on just one cottonpickin second here. Everything cannot be this big of an emotional deal! The world is not ending and nobody is gonna die if Mom doesn't get her way, least of all Mom.

I would like to think that she knows this. Then again, I wouldn't like to think that she knows it and has been trying to manipulate me on purpose.

Anyway, it's a lot to think about sometimes. In other news, we have had an offer on the house. L has turned it down, because he feels it is insulting, and I am inclined to agree with him. More on that later.. right now I have a proposal to review and a meeting to attend...

o.r.p. takes on the justice system and wins

So today was the big hearing. The ex showed up, surprisingly enough. Even more surprisingly, he sat down next to me in the lobby and talked as if the last 7 years hadn't happened.. like we were still high school friends and he hadn't made my life heck.

He tried to put down some boogie-woogie for a minute, but quit trying when it became obvious that I wasn't buying. When we got into the courtroom, I was struck by the fact that he was underdressed for the occasion. Everyone else in the room was wearing a suit. I had halfway expected to see him in a uniform of some type.. and that would probably have helped his case, ironically enough.

Long story short, the judge didn't buy what he was selling either, and sentenced him to jail. No kidding, they took him directly to jail, do not pass GO, do not collect $200. The only way he could get out would be either a) serve 6 months, after which he could pay me the money he owed and my attorney fees, or b) he could pay me the money and go free.

He sent his attorney to his car for his phone, and I imagine he called his mother at work. I left, only to get a call later from my attorney saying that I could pick up the cash whenever I was ready. So I went and got the biggest wad of cash I've ever had at one time. Ever.

I paid my attorney what I owed him, and took the rest to the bank posthaste. At the end of the day, I have my money, he is on his way back to the fort, and everybody is happy. Except possibly his stepdad, who I have a feeling footed the bill for today's escapades in the courthouse. Which makes me feel a little bad.. but then there are only so many people in the world who can possibly enable a man like my ex-husband. I will not continue to be one of them.

When I came home today, L was happily painting his office navy blue. A guy came by the house today and bought his weight bench, as well, so hopefully soon we will be buying a bowflex or something comparable so that we can set up our home gym in the garage again.

And I'm off to surf the internet for a few minutes before going to bed...

Saturday

Interesting day today.. I painted half a room, glued my bed back together, and did a lot of laundry. My right arm feels like it is going to fall off and i don't know why. It just hurts like heck, from my tricep all the way down into my pinky and ring fingers. Sucks.

A&A are coming over tonight for pizza and beer.. and L is cleaning the carpet where one of the dogs pooped. He has some sort of intestinal thing going on, so I don't think he could help it, but ... ew.

Anyway, not much else to say other than I need a nap and a new right arm.

Automatic

I just checked out all my sister's ebay listings. I have about a million things I should put on there as well, but I haven't gotten around to it.

I am having a hard time waking up this morning. It's cold out, though it is supposed to be nice and warm by this afternoon. I have lots to do right now, but my eyes keep rolling back while I try to focus on the page, and with fascinating content about root rot and soybean rust and bugs and dirt, I am not exactly aching to read more about it anyway.

All part of the job, I guess.

I'll check back in later, after work. I am sure there will be more to say then. And I'll be awake enough to articulate it.

My Body Hates Me

I've got to figure out what's going on here. I suppose it could be related to moving, and all the bending, lifting, painting, packing, and general working I've been doing for the last few weeks. But. Anyway, the bitch was late with her visit this month, and now she won't leave. Look, lady, a week is long enough. Two is unacceptable. Go away!

Add to that the fact that I am hungry. Not a little hungry, either. Not just a case of the munchies, no. I am freaking ravenous all the time. For like, two weeks, I have eaten like a rabid wolverine. According to the scale at the gym, I had gained 6 pounds. Some of it was water weight, because 2 pounds of it were gone the next day when I weighed, but still, I don't need to gain any weight.

In fact, I would like to lose about 10 pounds before the pool opens next month. I've been working out every day this week so far, and Friday on my day off, I will be painting the old house most of the day. It's not like I'm not exercising.. but once again everything in my closet is starting to feel tight again. I hope it's just the bitch's fault, and I'm not turning into a particularly well fed hippo-- that's what I feel like today. A hippo, or maybe a walrus.

Sprawl

I am sipping my coffee while my cat sprawls on the table next to my computer, aimlessly twitching his tail back and forth over the keyboard, while eyeing the birds outside the sunroom window. He is a little striped destructive force. He has already chewed the doorknob in the bathroom where he has been housed since we moved.

L is getting his condo from the old house today, because Monster is wreaking havoc.. just like I said he would.

I am about to start painting the dining room walls in a minute or so... after I finish this coffee. Yesterday I stripped wallpaper out of my craft room. Hopefully we can start painting it soon as well. We have picked out colors...

Last night we went out to dinner at LH, which was delicious. We borrowed A's truck, which is actually Lily's truck. I think it's a late 60's model or something.. It's old and quite charming in the same way that Pawpaw's old green truck was. It is also loud. I sat in the middle next to L, and we laughed all the way home about old truck memories.

He left early this morning for the old house, to get some more work done. I got up much earlier than I usually do nevertheless, and I guess I'd better get started on that painting... so it will be dry by this evening, when we have people over for dinner for the first time. :)