One Angry Girl

I'm back, after moving furniture for a solid week. I love the new house and generally everything is going great..

Except..

Except today I am ready to effing kill something because my last nerve has been trampled and I want to SCREAM at people, "For the love of god STFU and let me answer one question before you ask me 14 more.."

I wish I were oblivious to people who try and snow me into thinking that they care what I have to say. I wish they'd all just stop talking at me. Or at least slow it down to, say, two per day. That would make my life a lot easier.

And then there's the ongoing saga with my mother.. I talked to her today, and she sounded like she was on her last leg, but with a good dose of that whiny, tired-4-year-old tone. I told her to let me know when she had to be out in Arkansas for her pre-surgery appointment, that I could try to go with her, but whatever happened, I was not available on the week of the 10th. I have court that week.

SO OF FRIKKIN COURSE, when does she schedule the appointment? The 12th. The day of my court hearing. Has it ever occurred to her to say, no, that's not a good time and ask for another date? Of course not! Never! And then I feel like crap because I can't even say maybe I could do it, because I already told her I can't possibly do ANYTHING else that week. And it's not like the court system is willing to reschedule.

Then she asked me to look up flights for her, all of which were over $300 per person, whereupon she almost fainted and said they'd better drive. The thought of them driving there again makes my stomach hurt.. they're a danger to everyone on the roads, including and especially themselves.. and the thought of being trapped in a car with all of them for 10 hours one way makes me want to shoot myself in the head.

As do some of the situations I have to deal with at work today. Jeezus, people, it's called spell check, and it doesn't require a PhD or a phone call to me to be able to use it! And furthermore, I don't care what your problem is, I can't work miracles and I don't have the authority to change local, state, or federal laws because you want to do something you're not allowed to do with your grant money. Want to point the finger at someone for your stupid mistakes? Look in the mirror.

/rant

Ok, back to the mosh pit with me.. one down and 14 to go...

Music and Random Thoughts

List time again:

1) I have discovered www.pandora.com and man is it cool.

2) I have work to do. Not at work, as usual. I have music to write, and I need to work on it more. I have been as usual putting my own interests behind everything else.. especially with the move coming up. And I tend to let my music slide when things are going well and I am happy. I am not willing to accept that.. the idea that I can either be miserable 90% of the time and be a songwriter or be happy and stop the music. Doesn't work for me.

I've kind of set out on a new project these last few weeks with a new friend from the band, and he's pushing me in a musical direction that I've never considered before. This is a good thing. More about that later.

3) We closed on the house yesterday. Very soon we will be moving in, and that's an excellent thing.

4) Been thinking, too.. I think sometimes I psych myself out. For instance, relationships.. I think sometimes those of us with imaginative/creative talent tend to build up a fantasy ideal amid our yearning for that elusive thing (whatever it is, but usually a certain type of relationship that we want so much). The problem arises when our imagination is so much better than the real thing and no one could possibly live up to the dream. So while we have something wonderful, we still feel sad because our ideal doesn't exist.. and some part of us refuses to believe that the ideal doesn't exist.

Somehow you're always looking for it around the next corner, or expecting to somehow be able to bring that elusive perfection out in our current lives or relationships or whatever.

I think I do that. I think I've never been objective enough. I get tired of feeling the way I feel, though, and I get tired of nobody getting it. It's not a crisis by any means, just more randomness from the dustier recesses of my brain.

And now I gotta get back to work..

Out Thru De Windoze, In Thru De Doe, Nobody Reads Mah Blog No Mo

The highly anticipated yard sale did not come to fruition today, as the newspaper for some reason neglected to print my ad. So, I have a week's worth of work sitting out in the garage, organized, priced, and set up.. but of course nobody would come to a yard sale that they didn't know about.

So I have to do this again next week. Great.

The week after that, we will be moving into our new house. That will be fun. Exhausting, but fun. Can't wait until they open the pool..

In other news, there is no other news except that I am feeling a little better, though still coughing a bit. Last night we went to a birthday party for my friend A, which was fun, but I couldn't drink because of the meds.. so that was the only disappointment.

And now there's really nothing left to do. I've worked on music, I've cleaned, I've done laundry, and we've packed what can be packed before the actual move.. so, more internet surfing and book reading I guess. Meh.

I am Allergic to the Entire World

Oh. My. God.
My throat and my lungs burn every time I inhale. I don't know if it is something in the house (we have been moving furniture and stirring up dust) or something in the outside air (everything is blooming early) but this is HELL.

HELL, I TELL YOU!!!! ARRRGH!

I am miserable enough to have been mean to L tonight. He called me out on it immediately, so of course I felt even crappier for being a beeyotch. It's not like he deserved it or anything.

But I cant BREATHE! And I'm ITCHING!!! This SUCKS!!!

I wonder if I have used the all caps key enough yet.. My ears hurt, my face itches, my eyes are burning, my throat is sore and I HATE THIS. I am going to get some sort of injection tomorrow, if I can get into the doctor's office. I am of a good mind to just show up and camp out in the office until he can squeeze me into his schedule.

I haven't been this miserable in quite some time. I had to skip band practice tonight, too. :( And I will have to skip NSAI tomorrow night, as well. Meh. :( :( My keyboard cannot make a frowny-enough face! Grrrr!

GRRRR!

..hack. hack. cough cough cough hack wheeze...

Movin Out

Last night we went to see "Movin Out" at the Peace Center. I got the tickets for L's birthday.. third row.. best damn seats in the house. It was unbelievably cool! We had a great dinner, then went to a nice restaurant nearby the Center for drinks before the show. The show was amazing. It was all dance, with a live band performing Billy Joel's songs.. the dance and the music told the story.. if you ever get a chance to see it, GO! It was outstanding.

Then we came home and had incredible sex, before going to sleep thinking about our big move, which started today.

This morning I woke up with my allergies in full swing, nose bleeding, sore throat, utterly miserable. L went to the drug store for me and got some decongestant, which was a very good thing. I took that and went to work, breaking down the bed in the guest room, taking apart the entertainment center, and loading them all into the storage containers we had delivered yesterday afternoon.

The deal is that we pack up the trailers, then the company moves them to our new house, and we then unpack them. Pretty sweet deal, if you ask me.. much easier than using a rental truck, where you have to bust your hump to move your whole house in one day.

At this rate, we've got 2 weeks to get 'er done. I did get beaten up a bit today. The mattress rammed my hand into the door frame. L accidentally ran into me with the entertainment center on a hand truck. Then we were getting boxes out of the attic, and he didn't realize that I was coming up the ladder. He tossed a box out the attic opening and caught me square in the face with it. Luckily, I had on a baseball cap and the bill of it kept me from getting the full impact. And luckily I didn't fall off the ladder and back into the garage. That could have been rather disastrous, even for me.

But I think we're done for the day. We're both feeling pretty worthless after all that moving, and very glad that we don't have to do the rest of it today.

Talked to Mark as well.. He is busy and working his rear end off. He said he was going to call my seester this week sometime and see if they could hang out or something..
And I am going to go lie on the couch with L..

If it Can, It Will

Yes, my dear readers, this is what I look like most of the time. I just seem to be on the giant see-saw (I always hated it when people called it a "teeter-totter." I'm not sure why.. it probably makes more sense than "see-saw" but whatever).

I can't be on a middle ground at any time. Everything is either wonderful or it sucks out loud. I don't know why this is, other than extreme idiocy and/or immaturity. And if I'm already bogged down or overworked, I will try and pile it on until I can't even enumerate the things I have to get done by tomorrow... which is stupid.

I hate stupidity.

I've got a busy month coming up anyway, without adding anything.. real estate closings, court appearances, grant proposals, moving into the new house.. this is not the time to try and save the world (or my mother). All in good time, kitty. All in good time.

It's not as if I can count on anything to remain constant for more than 2 seconds at a time anyway. As soon as I get myself wrapped up with this thing with mom, she will cram her head back into the sand and decide everything is fine as is. Or that Jehovah would be unhappy that she let me paint the house or some such bullshit (although she hasn't pulled the JW card in quite some time. Maybe I am overthinking this again).

Anyway the weather is unbelievably nice outside and i can't wait to get out there.. unfortunately, though, i am on break and not off work yet. Since I'm the only one here, I can't exactly take off, either. Eh..

This weekend: Moving stuff out of the house and into temporary storage so we can put the sign out front.