I stopped by the old house the other day, like I said I would. I couldn't get in because the locks had been changed.. either that or I kept the wrong key on my key ring. Either way, I couldn't get in. The place looks like crap, of course.. very lonely and abandoned and depressing. It really sucked the good attitude right outta me for a few days.
I've been on a little bit of a roller coaster. I'm up! I'm down! I'm happy! I'm depressed! Jeez, I think I'm going to be sick!
Being there even for a few minutes made me think of what an absolute failure my attempt at marriage was. I know it wasn't my fault, but I don't like to fail. At anything. Anything. At. All. I've been taking out my aggressions at the gym, which is a good thing until I overdo it, which I did yesterday. My legs are screaming, to the point where getting out of my office chair produces agonizing cramps.
And my body has been more than aware of the lack of sex in the past few weeks. Anyone who has read this blog for any length of time knows that's NOT a good thing for me. I start imagining things, thinking stupid thoughts.. for instance that I am doomed for every relationship i ever try to have to turn out sexless and beige.
But then L blows my mind. Repeatedly.
Hey, but I'm in a better mood today.
Tomorrow, I'm getting a haircut and going to a show with a girlfriend from work. Maybe I'll post some before-and-after "makeover" pictures...
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