Strange Movies

We rented a couple of movies this weekend. Both were kind of arty, kind of odd.. thought one was much better than the other. One was the Constant Gardener.. I saw a lot of things in the movie that brought back memories of my trip to Africa. It was a sad but strange movie.

The one we watched tonight was the River King, about a cop investigating a kid's death by drowning in some frozen northern town. A few implied and gratuitous sex scenes, a contrived ghost subplot which turned out to be ...nothing, and a final determination that the kid did commit suicide, and so did the cop's brother when he was a child, so the cop was getting his brother's death and this kid's mixed up in his mind, etc etc bla bla bloa.

I was not impressed. It had a few pretty scenes in it, but a few that made no sense.

Anyway.. in other news this weekend, L and I went on our first house hunting excursion with an agent. We looked at 4 houses.. only one we would ever consider living in. One of them was horrible. It was really dirty and the neighborhood looked like it aspired to be a redneck neighborhood, but couldn't quite cut it.

I also discovered that I hate zero lot lines, and I'd rather have an old old old house in a nice neighborhood than a brand new house in a cookie cutter subdivision with no yard. I also discovered that Easley is a strange town. You can have a subdivision with $300K houses that backs up to a trailer park full of single wides circa 1962. It's bizarre.

And this week I have a class to teach in Columbia on Tuesday, 4 proposals due, materials to get ready for a class to teach next Monday, a songwriting workshop on Saturday, and god only knows what else.,..

I think it's time to get my stuff ready for tomorrow and get some sleep...

Bump

Honest Mistake

Just posting this so I can find Lil S when I wanna check in. :) She doesn't leave comments like she used to..

Hunting

We're on the hunt for a new house, in the midst of all of the other things going on.. This weekend I got my tires rotated, and now the car has a shimmy that I don't like. I almost wrecked the car on my way home Friday night, doing a couple of 360s at 70mph in the middle of the off ramp. Nobody stopped.. people suck. But at least my car and I were okay, and I was able to drive after a few minutes of catching my breath.

I got my hair cut and I like it pretty well. It's a lot shorter, which is good because it was really damaged and looking kinda trailer-esque. L and I painted the bathroom and the bedroom, and then went driving to look for neighborhoods in the town that we want to move to. Most of the new neighborhoods are funky.. the houses are so close together that if you drop something off your nightstand in the middle of the night, you might find it in the neighbors' kitchen in the morning. And there are no yards. None.

And now it is time to go to work, though once again I would prefer to go back to bed with L. He is snuggled down amongst the pillows and comforters and all I can see is the top of his head. I am jealous.. I have a long day ahead. Better get started on it..

Well... that was a mistake..

I stopped by the old house the other day, like I said I would. I couldn't get in because the locks had been changed.. either that or I kept the wrong key on my key ring. Either way, I couldn't get in. The place looks like crap, of course.. very lonely and abandoned and depressing. It really sucked the good attitude right outta me for a few days.

I've been on a little bit of a roller coaster. I'm up! I'm down! I'm happy! I'm depressed! Jeez, I think I'm going to be sick!

Being there even for a few minutes made me think of what an absolute failure my attempt at marriage was. I know it wasn't my fault, but I don't like to fail. At anything. Anything. At. All. I've been taking out my aggressions at the gym, which is a good thing until I overdo it, which I did yesterday. My legs are screaming, to the point where getting out of my office chair produces agonizing cramps.

And my body has been more than aware of the lack of sex in the past few weeks. Anyone who has read this blog for any length of time knows that's NOT a good thing for me. I start imagining things, thinking stupid thoughts.. for instance that I am doomed for every relationship i ever try to have to turn out sexless and beige.

But then L blows my mind. Repeatedly.

Hey, but I'm in a better mood today.

Tomorrow, I'm getting a haircut and going to a show with a girlfriend from work. Maybe I'll post some before-and-after "makeover" pictures...

Long Weekend

I've had the last 4 days off of work, and I feel like I haven't done anything...even though I have actually been quite productive. I've gotten a good start on my presentation for the 6th, I've put another ad in the paper to sell the ring, I've bathed both dogs and blow dried them (which was quite an experience in itself). I have put 4 months of pictures into my scrapbook, and eaten copious quantities of L's lasagne..

And now I have to go to band practice, stopping on the way at my old house, just to see what it looks like these days. Numbnuts is out of town, and I haven't been by in a while.

Big D has been calling again, but I haven't answered the phone. I really wish he'd forget I ever existed. I don't have anything further to say to him.

L is putting new flooring down in the master bathroom right now. We are also painting the bedroom and getting the ceilings fixed in preparation to move sometime in the next year.

He seems to be a little annoyed at my many many extracurricular activities lately, and I am not sure I understand why. I don't like having to drag every little piece of information out of him either. He doesn't like to talk about how he feels.. he just likes to feel what he feels and never explain it to anyone, I guess. Whatever works, although I must say that I don't think he can be justified in being upset with me if he can't tell me why without being browbeaten.

I don't enjoy browbeating people. Least of all him.

Anyway, it's not like we've ever really argued, so I guess I have nothing to complain about. And he makes damn good lasagna. :)

On that note, I am out. Maybe I will take a few pics of the house tonight while I am there..

Power Naps at 7 am?

I almost got killed this morning on my drive in to work. I haven't gotten enough sleep in the past two days, and it's starting to show. I literally fought to keep my eyes open from the moment I got in the car until I got into the parking lot at work.

I went to my first meeting of the Nashville Songwriters' Association last night. It was SO COOL. I can't wait to do the workshops and to take some of my own music in for the group. Another awesome idea from L. :)

But tonight I've got to get some sleep. Right now I feel like I could go right to bed and stay there until sometime Friday.

Note for Sami..

All is not lost.. the pictures i thought I'd lost from this summer at Mom's house are safely backed up on L's computer. :D So as soon as I get my new box, I can burn them to CD for you. :P

Guess Who's Back?

I went back to work today, feeling mostly better, although still sniffling a little bit. It was a pretty good day, even though I was busy trying to catch up.

D called again while I was sick, and talked for a long time. He always degenerates into talking about the clubs, or talking about the few minutes that we dated 7 years ago. I don't understand where he gets off talking about love, as if anyone could know what love is at 20-21 years old. Especially a naive little girl like I was.. coming out of a cult with no life skills and no sane guidance and no idea what the real world was like.

He took advantage, plain and simple, and now he thinks he can do it again. I don't want to talk to him anymore, ever. That whole decade is something I'd rather erase from the my life. It's like the most typical of mediocre high school angst poetry. Religion, strip clubs, little boys who played at being big tough men and told more lies than they could keep track of.. I'm including the time from when I graduated from high school until I got divorced from J. I can't really say I did anything worth doing except finishing my Bachelor's degree.

All D wants to do is rehash and relive every disgusting second of it, and as much as I never wanted to hear from him again in the first place, I REALLY don't want to hear from him anymore. He's starting to seriously creep me out. Apparently he has been stalking me more or less for 7 years.. looking me up, calling any number he came across, mailing things to any address. Nothing dangerous.. but then I don't doubt for a second that he could turn nasty really quickly.

Meh. I think I'll go watch TV with L and quit wasting time thinking about it.

I'm drowning

I only thought everything would go back to normal today. But no. My body picks today of all days to stage a complete and total mutiny. I feel like I've been beaten with 2 x 4s and drowned in an expanding pool of snot.

Yeah, that's gross. But it's not as gross as I feel right now. My ears hurt and my head is pounding and I am cold and cranky and miserable. There is nothing on TV and nothing to read and L is out at the bowl game party the FSU club is hosting.

This is probably a good thing.. I can be pretty annoying when I'm sick.

That's it, I'm going to upend the bottle of NyQuil and go to bed.

New Year's Resolutions

It's raining and cold outside, and I haven't been able to get warm all day. I have a cold and I feel altogether more like getting back into bed than getting started on a brand new year, to tell the truth. But I have band practice tonight and work in the morning, so ready or not, here I go.

I don't have many resolutions that are much different from the ones I have every year: get in shape, get out of debt, clear the slag from my life and move forward.

Maybe this year I will accomplish one of those at least.

I know the slag won't be completely cleared; I am about to enter into a nasty legal skirmish with Numbnuts over his failure to be a responsible human being. I feel bad because I know that even if by some miracle I ever get the money, it will probably come from his parents. Still, I can't bring myself to just let it go. He needs to face up to his responsibilities and realize that not everyone is going to cut him slack. He's had all the consideration he is getting from me.

I will continue my efforts at the gym. That's gotten a lot easier since everyone else goes there at lunchtime at work. It's harder to slack off when you have other people going too, and when you bring lunch from home. Saves money and excuses. :)

I'll take care of myself the way I have not been doing lately. I'll get my hair done and take the dry cleaning that's been gathering dust in for cleaning. I put off things like that because I am trying to put every possible penny toward getting out of debt.. but I'm getting closer. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, at least. And I am not doing myself any favors by neglecting myself.

At least this year my car will be paid off and hopefully I can build up my savings "cushion" to where it needs to be: at least 3 months' salary. That way I won't have to borrow money anymore in order to travel or when something unexpected comes up.

So.. not outstanding new year's resolutions, but they'll do. At least this year I am going for something attainable. ;)