Interesting Quotes:

" We need to have space inside ourselves where we can have a feeling, an impulse, or a desire without acting it out. We need self control without repression. We need to be able to say no to ourselves. This includes both our destructive desires and some good ones that are not wise to pursue at a given time. "

"Steve has a problem hearing and accepting others' boundaries. To him, No is simply a challenge to change the other person's mind... He resists taking responsibility for his own life, so he needs to control others... He is perceived as a bully, manipulative and aggressive.

...

Controllers like Steve are undisciplined people. They have little ability to control their impulses or desires. While it appears that they "get everything they want in life," they are still slaves to their appetites. Delaying gratification is difficult for them. That's why they hate the word No from others. They desperately need to learn to listen to the boundaries of others to help them observe their own."

"...boundaries need to be made visible to others and communicated to them in relationship... We are beset by fears of guilt, not being liked, loss of love and connection...and so on. Because of these fears, we try to have secret boundaries. We withdraw passively and quietly instead of communicating an honest No to someone we love. We secretly resent instead of telling someone that we are angry about how they have hurt us. Often we will privately endure the pain of someone's irresponsibility instead of telling them how their behaviors affect us and other loved ones, information that would be helpful to their soul."

--from "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend