The Cat in the Garbage and Other Strange Thoughts

As I type this, I can hear my cat rummaging in the trash can. I hate it when he does that. But I can't seem to keep him out of there, even if the can is empty! He has an infatuation with the crinkling of the garbage bag, the weeble-like behavior of the tall plastic kitchen trashcan.. and right now with the fact that there is a bone from a pork chop somewhere in there. He is hell bent on finding it. I will stop him shortly, I suppose. It is, after all, my duty.. isn't it? No one here but me and the cat..

In other news, I went to some friends' house last night and caught myself doing some serious thinking. My friends are all older than me by at least 12-15 years. They are awesome, accomplished people, and I love them dearly. It's just that sometimes I feel as if nothing I say has merit. This attitude does not stop with my close friends, or even with my family. It happens more than I have ever been willing to admit.

So the question is, is this some issue within my own mind? Do I have some sort of inferiority complex? An ego problem? I don't think that everything is about me.. but I do worry that I am not doing enough, not saying the right things, not taken seriously.

It is a fact that in the South especially, a woman like me (short, petite, with a figure and *gasp!* a brain) is often discounted immediately just because she is. But is that what goes on in my case? I know it's happened before.. but I wonder, with people who are close to me, if it's a shade of that ingrained attitude, or if it's the age difference, or if it's in my head... or if I really don't have anything to add, but I keep talking.

I have a deep seated fear of being "that girl." But perhaps when I am on the other side of 40, I will look back at myself and think, "Jeez. I was an idiot!" God knows that's what I think when I look back on my teenage years.

But perhaps I should stop thinking about it, since there really is no solution to this particular problem, and go to work.