The Funniest Thing I've Heard All Day

Sleazy Professor: Hey Sweetheart! How are you today? I thought about you last night..

Cute Female Staff Member: Hello. Fine. I have something for you..

SP: (grin becomes ridiculously wide) Oh really??? Well I've got something for you too, gorgeous!

CFSM: Yeah.. (Hands him a printout of the sexual harrassment policy) I saw this and immediately thought of you...

Heh. Heh heh.
This came from another lunchtime discussion at work.. what we'd like to say to a few certain people who shall remain nameless...

It's Love

Work today was so aggravating that I have nothing further to say about it (that NEVER happens), so I'll skip to the good stuff..

After work, A3 and I went to Marble Slab and ate ice cream, and then went to our new favorite store-- TRACTOR SUPPLY!! We bought a new latch for Trigger's stall, and then went back to their house to install it. It went something like this:

Tractor Supply: 20 minutes
Searching for the drill: 1 hour
Searching for the drill bits: 45 minutes
Trying to get the stupid drill to work: 1 hour, 15 minutes
Putting on the frikkin latch with a g.d. screw driver: 15 minutes

... all this while listening to A3's twin brother tell me how the reason I was having trouble is because I am a girl, and girls don't know how to use power tools. Gawd, if I didn't love that kid.. ;) It was fun though. They are good kids, especially my lil A3. I swear I would clone her if I could.

So then I went out to the round pen to fetch my big baby, and the coolest thing happened! When I bought him, the former owner told me that he was hard to catch in the pasture and that he always ran away. Well when I went into the pen today, he trotted up to me to say hello, and then when I walked away from him and headed to the other side of the pen to pick up some wood and stuff that I wanted to throw away so he wouldn't step on it, he followed me. He continued to follow me around everywhere I went, sniffing my shoulders and trying to get my attention.

Ahhhh.. he likes me! And I've had him less than a week! This is only after 2-3 hours of Parelli stuff, and even that just the basics of grooming and "Friendly Game." Yay.

And tomorrow morning I am off to FLorida.. I will enjoy the trip, but I will miss the Trig for sure. :)

Picky Eater?

SO.. my menu for dinner tonight:
1 pork chop and 1 salad with raspberry dressing
Ok, right? Nothing too strange there.
A glass of red wine. Still not too weird.

And then I realize that I am still hungry and I am in desperate need of a pimento cheese sandwich. Because sometimes nothing will suffice except pimento cheese. Nothing.

It is a bit interesting with the red wine, but not bad-interesting.

I am on L's computer at the moment, with Barney the yellow lab guarding the door. He loves to lie in the doorway like a big yellow sphinx or sit like a gargoyle, while the other dog, Denver, grins like an idiot and tries to lick everything in the room simultaneously.

It must be great to be a dog.

Funniest thing I heard all day:

A coworker reading the riot act to the supply salesman because the new chair she ordered doesn't work. The height doesn't adjust properly, so you sit down, you hit the floor. You stand up, the chair rises with your butt. It s most bizarre.

So today wasn't so funny. Better luck tomorrow.

New Feature: The Funniest Thing I've Heard All Day

"Her skirt was so short, she needed a hair net."
--from an actual conversation with my workmates over lunch. I nearly choked on my quesadilla.

:P

Not Stupid, Just Neurotic

Ok. Buyers remorse has run its course, and I am officially the happiest girl in the world. Trigger is AWESOME. I LOVE him. :D And I think he is starting to like me. He let me clean his feet today, which he wouldn't do yesterday. He is still afraid of the bug spray bottle, though. Have to work on that.

And I am starting the Parelli DVDs tonight. I can't wait to work with him. I am sure that we will be the best of friends for the next 25 years or so. I made an impulse decision to buy him, which probably wasn't the smartest thing in the world, but he represents the one thing I have always wanted more than anything-- I was a born horse nut. So I have everything I want for once.

There's a novel idea.

Anyway, tomorrow I am going to have my hair done, and after that, I'm going to work. After that I'm going to see Trigger again and maybe start working on the fence with A 1,2,& 3. M is coming next weekend to trim the horses' feet, and this weekend is my dad's wedding!

Life is good, even if I am slightly neurotic. I guess that's ok.

Meet Trigger..

Exhibit A, or Why I Spent Too Much Money. He's gorgeous, and much more manageable today. I think he was just afraid yesterday, and maybe I will be able to deal with him after all. Now, whether I can afford to keep him remains to be seen.
Here's A3 and her new horse, Sundance (aka Spike).
He's such a pretty boy!!! :)

I'm Stupid

Well folks, I think I've really done it this time.

Today I bought a horse. And not just any horse. A 16 hand 3-year-old Palomino quarter horse. Who is green. And I mean GREEN. He's afraid of me and I'm afraid of him.

And I dropped $1800 in one stupid impulse purchase. It's probably the stupidest thing I've ever done. And now I can't sleep for thinking about how stupid a thing it was to do.

Hell.

But he is still the most beautiful horse I've ever seen. Maybe he will come around. He is only 3 after all..

friday

Well.

I've had a productive day. My house is clean, my shopping is done, and I even watched a movie.. "Shall We Dance?"
Normally I am not a big fan of Richard Gere.. or Jennifer Lopez's acting ability, but I liked this movie. Probably because I've secretly always wanted to learn to dance. Like, real dancing that doesn't involve dollar bills.. before anyone decides to be smart. ;)

Anyway, the movie had one of the best lines I've heard in a long time:
.."f--- you all. And football sucks." I laughed so hard I almost fell off the couch.

A1 and A3 are supposed to be coming to spend the night tonight, but I havent seen them yet. I am beginning to think they are going to be a no-show again.

So.. I am going to look up good recipes for dinner tomorrow night when L gets home...

At Last...

Only another day and a half until L and the boyz get back... I can't wait!
So I finally found a dress today. It's much prettier than the pic.. I got lucky- only $35. So I am going to buy the shoes to go with it tomorrow.
Other news: Band practice was great tonight. Everybody was on their game and we set our little studio on fire. Especially C on those horns, and the sax. Yikes. It was awesome. We worked up a few new songs, played a few we 've been working on, took lots of notes. Generally a very productive session.

I talked on the phone to L on the way home, then fired up the laptop when I finally made it in the door (dodging the somewhat murderous cat on the way in-- he is angry with me for locking him away from my shoe collection all day). Of course, I had to reset the router about 4 times, and then wait for my super slo-mo computer to catch up.

C'est la vie, I suppose..
Tomorrow: busier than work, but more fun.

The Cat that Ate S.C.

And another thing.

My cat is the most neurotic creature I believe I've ever seen. He eats my shoes. Chews them like a dog would. I am getting very very tired of losing my favorite shoes to the feline menace.

I'm not sure what it is about my shoes that he gets excited about, but I had to rescue a lovely pair of white high heeled sandals from him this morning. Quite frustrating.

Oh, and still no dress for the wedding. Grrrr. And now I will probably have to buy shoes, too, to avoid having to wear a pair with teethmarks on them.

Tonight: Band practice. Tomorrow: Sleeping late, shopping, and cleaning house!

Bunco and Other Anomalies

Last night was a veritable whirlwind, as I knew it would be. A, A, & A came over and A1 and A3 went with me to see the horse. Of course A3 loved him, so he's going to be her horse. I knew she would love him.. what's not to love? So I am still looking for a horse. And everybody I talk to has one for sale, but it's not what I'm looking for. Lots of paints and quarter horses that are 20 years old. Not what I'm looking for at all. But I digress.

It was cute watching little A3 feed the horse treats. Her eyes were like saucers. I'm happy that she's happy. She's a sweet girl.

So then A1 and I went to Bunco. It was much more fun than I anticipated. I met lots of people that I had met once or twice before, and got to know a lot of them better. There are some cool people there. I was probably the youngest person though, and I think I was the only one without children. Children-- they all had teens. And my catty-woman-alert-meter went off a few times, as can be expected anytime there are more than 3 women in one place at one time. But it was fun talking and laughing and drinking with all of them.

Not to mention that I won the pot. $45 for a night of having fun ain't bad. And lots of the ladies there have horses and said I could ride with them sometime. We'll see... but overall I am glad I went.

Even if I didn't get much sleep last night. At least I'm not zombified like yesterday.

Where is my stopwatch???

No time to write today, but I must say:
a list

1) Still no dress for the wedding.

2) I'm playing Bunco tonight, Lord help me. I've never played, though my friend says it is loads of fun. I've only ever heard of it in terms of little blue haired ladies. We'll see.

3) Going to look at a horse first, though. Same horse I've seen, but I think A is going to buy him, so I am still SOL on that front.

4) At least the boss is back at work and I won't be quite so swamped for the rest of the week. Which is like, one day. Heh.

5) I miss L. My house is as boring as an OMB circular without him. Extra points if anyone besides me and a select few research administrators who can tell me what an OMB circular is.

6) Me and Tylenol PM do not mix. Period. No takebacks. I took it last night at 9:30 and I have felt like the walking dead all day.


And that's the list folks. Stay tuned.. tomorrow is the Bunco report.

Low Fashion

I have discovered a few things lately.. namely, that I don't like staying by myself, and that I don't like shopping so much anymore.

Perhaps if there was anything in the stores that was worth looking at, or that was remotely flattering, I would feel differently about it. As it is, everything in fashion right now is so ugly that I am honestly somewhat afraid to touch it, afraid the ugly will rub off on me. A list, if you will:

1) Everything is made out of cotton jersey knit (tee shirt material for those of you who don't know your fabrics). Everything. Pants. Dresses., Jackets. Jewelry. I wouldn't be surprised if they had a jersey knit wedding dress out there somewhere. And it would cost $5,000,000 and fall apart the first time it was cleaned.

2) Everything looks like it came straight from the ghetto. Cheap, scratchy net fabric with embedded glitter that gets all over everything. Cheap, tight sausage casings (with glitter!) masquerading as dresses, with rhinestone brooches that are too heavy and drag the front of the dress down like some sort of sparkly anchor. "Business suits" that are actually pathetic excuses for suits of any kind, that could never be worn to any office I've ever worked in.. chintzy fabric, unlined, skirts that barely cover your assets, and jackets that bulge in the wrong places, festooned with lace and ruffles and crap.

3) And the Stripperella look is definitely in. Sorry, but I am not wearing a tube skirt and pasties tied together with glittery string to my father's wedding. And I am not that conservative. Far more conservative than my sister, but not that conservative. It's ridiculous.

4) Every article of clothing on the racks now is made for someone with a heroin-meets-anorexia figure. If you have breasts or (god forbid) a rear end, and you aren't 14 feet tall, you're going to look positively dumpy (or obscene) in any and every dress you try on. There isn't even anything middle-of-the-road. It's either ugly, cheap-fabric old lady clothes with elastic waistbands, or ugly, cheap-fabric, ghetto stripper outfits from the Juniors department.

Maybe it's time I stepped up and stopped shopping at the same places. Of course, that means i'll have to start traveling to shop (Atlanta, Commerce, Charlotte), but... well ok. It would be worth the trip if I could find a few pieces of clothing that didn't make me look like the roly poly stripper from the lower east side.

Wrong Again

I should be so used to being wrong by now that it should stun me when I'm right. T decided not to sell the horse after all. So I'm looking at another one. I don't blame her, I wouldn't sell that horse either, but it is disappointing. I really did like the mare.

Oh well. Eventually I will find one.

L is in Florida and I am bored already. My butt is sore from horseback riding yesterday, and I'm going again tomorrow, I think. I hope. And maybe tomorrow I can talk to the guy who owns the new horse I want to see if I can buy from him before someone else does, or he changes his mind. We'll see.

Not much more to talk about.. maybe later.

Birthday Present

Yessssss, preciousssss, I have always wanted one of these! L had it out on the counter yesterday when I got up. He is so cute.. he was playing with it after he got up at 7 am, and the resounding crash I heard from the kitchen while still in bed was him making sure the bowl lift worked. He came back into the bedroom to make sure I was still in bed, with a sheepish smile on his face.

Groggily I wondered why he was making so much noise, but I went back to sleep. When I finally rolled out of bed a few hours later, there it sat on the counter. Of course I had to use it right away. I took him to see Amber, my new-horse-to-be, and then we went to Publix for supplies. I made french bread yesterday (which is one of L's favorite things to munch on) and today I am making peach cobbler, with the peaches I brought home from work.

It smells really good. I'm taking it over to A&A's.

Last night we went out to dinner, but our table for 10 was not needed-- none of my friends showed up. That ALWAYS happens anytime I plan anything, so I have decided that this is the birthday that changes things. I will plan nothing else. I will go to my friends' parties and enjoy myself when I feel like it, but there will be no more busting my hiney to put on a good show, and then sitting there and eating my hors d'ovuers by myself.

L and I had a delightful dinner, complete with wine pairings for each course and dessert. My dessert was a double chocolate torte with strawberries, and it came with a shot of milk in a little cordial glass.

Overall, it was great, and I am struck once again with what an excellent boyfriend I have. He makes every event and every situation better, no matter what the circumstances. He is funny and delightful and completely (unintentionally) sexy.

Hmmm.. a moment of thought and contemplation for that...
:D

And now I'm off to dry my hair and take the cobbler out of the oven and get going to A&A's house for dinner.

I was wrong.. THIS is my horse

Say hello to Amber.. She's a Kentucky Mountain Horse, and she's adorable and shortly will be MINE. :)
Pretty girl....
She's got a great personality and likes to be petted..

Word.

I finally talked to Mom last night around 8:30ish. She did get to see the doctor, but he didn't really have much to tell her other than he needed to run some more blood tests. Big surprise there,... that she had to wait all day for him to tell her nothing, and that more tests need to be done.

The stress of this whole thing is really getting to me. I keep thinking of all of the things that have already gone wrong and all the things that could yet go wrong, and I start feeling like I've been flattened by a Mack truck. How long can this go on? How long can she sit there in the condition she's in? And why, why, WHY can't my family give the JW crap a rest?

L told me last night to tell them all that I've decided to become a Mormon like my boyfriend. Tee hee. That would definitely at least get some attention. Unfortunately, more attention is not what I'm after. I would prefer that they just forget that religion ever existed in relation to me. Me and Jesus are all right. Leave it at that.

I really hate not knowing anything about what's going to happen with Mom. I can't really make any plans and it is hard to get on with work when I'm not sure when I will have to leave town again. And I don't (do. not.) understand the decisions people in my family make...

My aunt's decision to take GM to NC and leave her there.. If she were taking her back, I'd be okay with it, but leaving her there seems stupid to me. For one thing, she wants to go back to AR to be with GF and Mom, and for another, if she is staying at the farm, she will be out weeding her flower beds by herself, and is likely to hurt herself.

My sister's taste in men... Need I say more? ; }

The entire family's refusal to apply logic to their religion. I really wonder how an intelligent person can believe some things. Like that a collosal guilt trip will convince someone to alter the course of their life. Or that there is anything anyone can say that will excuse their shunning me for the last 10 years because of the opinion of someone they've never even met. I'm not bitter. I'm not even angry anymore, really. I'm just extremely effing bored with their religion and everything to do with it.

And I'd give just about anything to be back in bed right now. I have a headache and my stomach hurts. Is it time for something good to happen yet???

My birthday is next week... I can't decide if that's supposed to be a happy thought or not.

Madre Mas

GF & GM hanging out in Mom's room..
Mom with a heat pack for her arm (this was the day they put in the pick line, so her arm was sore).
GF is trying to figure out what mom has done to her sleep machine.
Mom is bored..

The Place where GM & GF are staying..

I am getting pretty good at taking pictures of myself.. Here I am with the 1942 kitchen sink full of 1942 dirty dishes.
I couldn't believe my eyes.. it's not only an old rotary phone.. it's a chocolate brown rotary phone!
Everything in this house is ancient, right down to the utterly charming collection of cups and glasses straight out of 1942.
I guess that this is the heater. It's on the wall in the bathroom and reminds me of something sinister from Star Wars.
The only bad part about this 40-s museum? It's almost wall-to-wall JW publications. They're in every stray nook and cranny. This made Grandmother indescribably happy.
This is the quilt on the bed I slept on.. I love the quilt, though the mattress it covered was as hard as a rock.

i. hate. road. trips.

Ok, I have been driving for two solid days. I spent last night in a fleabag of a Comfort Inn. The only reason I stayed there is because they advertized that they had internet access, and I was in the middle of BFE. However, their staff wouldn't know the internet if it bit them in the ass, and their network was not in existence as far as I could tell.

This morning as I was checking out, I told the guy at the desk that his network wasn't working. He sneered down his ample belly at me and said "Well it only works in the lobby." I pointed to my laptop and said I tried that, it still doesn't work.

"Weyulll. Nobody else has complained."

I looked into the lobby, which was full of grizzled old forest rangers and truckers, watching the morning news and drinking the nasty, kerosene-flavored coffee they were passing off as a "continental breakfast."

"No wonder. I'm the only one here with a computer, genius."

I am still shaking my head over that one. Sheesh.

Got the papers filed, etc etc. Went by the farm, which is a sad sight for sure, with the weeds grown up and the place all hot and dirty. I am worried that the dog is not going to make it.. Doesn't look like she has been eating. If I'd had room in the car, I would have brought her home with me. As it is, I still may. I'll just have to endure another 8 hours on the road if I want to do it.

L bought a DVD projector and a movie screen while I was gone. It's like he has his own movie theatre now, and he is talking about taking it over to A&A's house to watch movies out on their deck.

Ok, I am going to post pics now..