Dysfunction Junction.. What's Your Function??

I'm Still Here

2011-06-09T14:49:00.001-05:00

Not quite dead yet. Just pregnant. ;-)

Maybe there's something to blog about after all...

A List.. because I know you want one

2011-02-13T09:36:00.003-05:00

1) It's Sunday

2) I need Groceries

3) French Press Coffee is Delicious

4) Banana Bread or Cupcakes? Cupcakes or Banana Bread??

5) What does L want for Valentine's Day?!?

6) Why do I stress about Valentine's Day anyway?

7) Ok, so it's a short list. At least it's something new.. LOL

I never update this thing..

2010-10-27T07:41:00.002-05:00

I'm thinking about discontinuing Dysfunction Junction. As much as I love the name and everything ;-) I never update here anymore, and since I don't really have a theme here, I find that there is not much I want to post.

The old pics were funny.. but TIME is the issue.

Thinking...

Time Goes By

2010-05-13T05:50:00.002-05:00

I always decide that I'm going to blog every day again.. or at least more often.. and then the next time I remember or have a chance to do it, a month has gone by! Oh well. Not that I have too many disappointed readers or anything. ;-)

Today I am thinking about workplace politics and how utterly weird people are. Seriously, adults are just 4-year-olds with money. I am continually amazed by the general stupidity that goes on every day. I don't see it in my department as much because I think we all have at least a modicum of sense.. but in other areas.. honestly I wonder how the organization has survived this long!

Organizations always have more problems the bigger they are, though. The leadership becomes disconnected from the actual work or product or output of the organization, and they make decisions based on self interest, popular opinion, or misinformation, without considering the ramifications. People at the lower end of the totem pole disengage, check out, and just clock in for a paycheck. There's no pride in doing a good job or anything.. just a stupid sense of entitlement. The few who do actually care about doing a good job or improving the company are quickly jettisoned or are beaten into submission (or worse, apathy).

Eventually the poorest performers are promoted to leadership, where they take a bad problem and make it worse. And eventually the people who actually care (at all levels) move on.

Please, God, let me move on.

So..

2010-04-20T05:43:00.001-05:00

I only seem to write here when I'm irritated about something. Why is that?

I seem to be having a hard time adjusting to being done with the major huge projects this semester. Now that I have free time, I feel like I should be doing something, like I've forgotten about something important. And I wake up at night feeling like I've missed something and it's going to come bite me in the a$$.

Oh well. I guess that will improve with time.. I'm very excited about finishing grad school, and finishing the marathon on June 6, and getting back to the things I enjoy.. riding, music, art..

*sigh*

Annoying List

2010-04-14T05:47:00.002-05:00

1) Ya know when someone has a problem with you, and they are too cowardly to tell you so.. but that doesn't stop them from making remarks to other people? It's actually worse when it's repeated to you than if they'd said it themselves. Just say it. I'd respect you more, and you wouldn't look like such a jerk. And we might actually come to understand each other!

2) Why does everything have to be a hassle? Why can't ANYTHING just go as planned???

3) What would you pick: big risk that would make you very happy if it worked, or staying in the same place because it isn't that bad (better the devil you know than the devil you don't)? I am beginning to think that the big risk is the way to go.

4) Pollen. Just saying.

WTF?

2010-03-30T05:28:00.002-05:00

There's something I want to know about people.

See, I know what it's like to be stressed out and to take out your frustrations on someone who doesn't deserve it. But at least I feel it coming on most of the time, and I make a conscious effort NOT to do it. Believe it or not, there are a LOT of times that I keep my mouth shut when I really want to let someone have it.

Why do I seem to catch so much crap from other people, when I try my best to NOT return the favor?

If you're wondering WTF, here's the backstory:

I went to the barn yesterday to see Trigger, and he had a pretty big cut on his neck. It had some kind of medicine on it, and between that and the scab, it really looked like it had been stitched. I didn't have my glasses on, and I didn't do a full-on inspection of it.. I just called to see if maybe something had happened while I was out of town.

I wasn't upset at all, because even if something HAD happened, I trust my friend's judgment. Well he came out there, even after I looked closer at it while we were on the phone and said, ya know what, never mind, I was wrong. It's nothing, don't worry about it.

And then he screamed at me in front of other people at the barn, basically said I was stupid and told me to go to hell.

Now with most people, I'd roll my eyes and say I'll go if you go first. But this person is someone I respected and frankly expected a lot more from than that. I don't think I've ever heard him say a four-letter word in all the time I've known him. I cried all night, like a 12-year-old girl. And that pisses me off.

I didn't deserve it and I'm tired of taking people's crap day in and day out. My job involves a measure of that by definition, and I can deal with it there because it comes with the territory. But I'll be damned if I'll listen to that from my friends too.

So yeah, the world's on notice. If you have a big steaming pile of toxic s*** to dump, find someone else to dump it on. I'm full up.

I'm signed up...

2010-01-25T10:17:00.000-05:00

My Fundraising Page

I'm signed up for the 2010 San Diego Marathon. Now I have to raise some cash...

Riddle me this..

2010-01-21T06:33:00.002-05:00

1) Why does the shit always seem to hit the fan all at once?
2) Why is it that the harder you work to get ahead, the farther behind you seem to get?
3) Is there really any way to tell someone politely that they need to get out of your face and let you get something accomplished for a change? LOL

Oh well. Sometimes you just need a good laugh.

And then there was a list

2009-12-15T06:58:00.002-05:00

1) Got to finish Christmas shopping. Almost done, but not quite.

2) Hate hate hate work right now. Something has to make this easier to deal with. :-[ Actually separating my personal life from my job would be a good start.

3) I want to hit the gym really hard. It would be a good outlet for my building frustration.. but I find it more frustrating that I don't have time.

4) Half my grades are posted. Still got a 4.0!! Come on, Dr. M, post my other A for this semester!!

5) I don't know what #5 is. Don't care either.

:-)
More to come, when I have time...

Spinx Half Marathon

2009-11-03T18:17:00.002-05:00

13.2 miles in 2:24:48 (chip time)

I'm still sore. But I did it! :-D

This is a sad state of affairs

2009-10-28T05:42:00.003-05:00

August 1? Really? LOL I have definitely neglected my blog. But oh well. I'm lucky to be keeping up with work and school.

random thoughts for the day:

1) Why do all deadlines seem to fall at the same time?! Along with a few major holidays and birthdays and stuff? WHY?

2) "No" isn't a bad word. It's much better than saying "Yes" when you don't mean it.

3) Pain makes me mean. Even after I take medicine for it.. the mean stays after the pain takes a rest. Why is that?

4) Why is it so hard to stop worrying about things over which I have no control?

Mehhh.
Trying to get better (ear infection, sinus infection, and costochondritis according to the doctor yesterday) for the half marathon on Saturday..

Randomness

2009-08-01T10:11:00.003-05:00

Ok so I am thinking about the blog lately and what I can do with it. I haven't been posting lately, and it's just sitting here in cyberspace, doing nothing.

I was thinking about a cooking blog, or even art? Maybe both? I should do something here on a regular basis though.. any ideas??

Long Lost List

2009-06-16T05:52:00.002-05:00

Random Things for This Morning:

1) I ran 4 miles in 39 minutes and 35 seconds last night. Fastest run of over 5K to date. Rrrrroar.

2) Extreme heat is not conducive to productivity in the office.

3) Neither is more work for less pay with less support staff. Someone take notes.

4) House cats have it made. So do house dogs, for that matter.

5) Trigger needs new shoes.

Well I should post something I guess..

2009-06-01T05:46:00.002-05:00

Yes, I have horribly neglected the blog in the last few months. Facebook always seems to keep me busy during Internet-time. ;-). Getting ready for graduation on Thursday...

DIshes

2009-05-10T14:31:00.001-05:00

These are the dishes I love.. I want to get a new set of everyday dishes.. but these are SO expensive...

The latest stuff around here..

2009-04-05T14:36:00.001-05:00

Arrrrrrr

2009-03-12T19:19:00.002-05:00

Well. That is a pirate-like title.

Actually it describes my state of mind at the moment.

I don't like it when I lose my temper. But sometimes it is absolutely unavoidable.
I honestly think that if I said what I felt even 50% of the time, a lot of people would really hate me.

It isn't that I expect too much or that I am really angry about anything most of the time. But damn, certain things just flip my switch!!!!!

And the scary part is that lately I just don't care. I really want to say what's on my mind. It's getting harder to keep my mouth shut.

But
One thing I have to say is that the above certainly fuels my running! I am one tough beeyotch when I put those shoes on. :-D

Alas, Poor Crocs..

2009-02-25T06:30:00.001-05:00

Monster Head and Duckie have wreaked (wreaken? Wrocked? What exactly IS the past tense of "wreak"??) havoc again.

They got hold of L's new crocs and now he has teeth marks on both toes and both heels. Luckily they were caught before reducing L's birthday present to confetti, like they did his Tevas.

His other birthday presents arrived as well, but I am going to take one item back. I ordered what looked like the coolest pair of shorts for him online.. when they got here, they are man-pris... culottes for men.. and so HUGE that they look like a castoff from Biggest Loser, Week 0. Seriously, they are hideous. He likes the shirts tho...

Well Since I Haven't Been ON Here..

2009-02-22T09:07:00.001-05:00

I've been spending most of my online time with Facebook these days, or else on the Pfitness site, posting workouts and complaining about my knee. ;-)

The lion's share of my time these days, though, is either work or school. I'll be really glad when I get these papers finished up and I can concentrate on something else. I've still got a long way to go, though. :-\ I definitely do need to spend some time in the library at Clemson.

Today I think I am going to see Trigger. His rain rot is going away and his summer coat is coming in much darker than usual. He is going to look really pretty this year, I think. :-)

Last night was Les's birthday party. We had fun.. I gave him a pair of fur lined crocs. LOL He has always said he would never wear crocs, but he has them on as I type this, so I guess they are comfortable enough to override any persistent style issues. ;-)

Onward!

2009-01-28T06:29:00.002-05:00

Ok so I haven't posted here lately because I've been insanely busy and when I'm not running, studying, or working, I'm trying to squeeze in some snuggle time! :-)

A list, for those of you dying to read one:

1) I got invited to present at a professional conference about the big training project I did this past fall. It's kind of a big deal. I am very excited!!!

2) I have a $29 Million dollar grant proposal on my desk that is due Friday. I think that might be a record.

3) Running is addictive. I never thought it would be... but it is.

4) I can sprint at 7.2 mph for almost a minute. If I could do it for longer, that would be like a 9:40 mile or something. My fastest mile to date is 11:31. I would be ecstatic to get under 10.

5) Nike+ is really really cool!

And now... I have to go to work.

The Latest..

2009-01-11T11:58:00.002-05:00

I finally got my latest roll of 35mm finished and processed. It takes me a while to work my way through a roll of film now, considering how easy digital is. :-) Here's a pic from back in the fall of Lulu in her Cross Country uniform.. She looks cute. :-)

I took this picture a few days ago in my backyard. I love the frosties!
This is my new hair color. I like it a lot. :-) It looks more like my natural color, and works a lot better with my skin tone than the blonde did.

Awesomeness

2009-01-02T10:36:00.003-05:00

So much has happened that I can't even remember it all to post here! But, a few highlights:

1) We are running a marathon in Jan 2010! Right now we have a 4-person Pfister team (not including L because he has no desire to run for 26.2 miles for any reason whatsoever!) But we are off to a good start, and it will be great when we finish!

2) Our low-key New Year's celebration was great. The best part was after we got home from dinner.. schmoozing on the couch. ;-)

3) We have a lot to do around the house. I will probably be working on that between workouts this weekend!

4) Trigger scared the crap out of me yesterday! He was asleep in the sun, with his mouth hanging open, everything. I couldn't even see him breathing! I walked almost all the way up on him with the bucket of grain before he even moved a muscle. I seriously thought he was dead!

5) I picked rain rot for about an hour after my ride yesterday. Trigger didn't particularly enjoy it, but hopefully it will help him get rid of it. I was disgusting by the end of it, and he was hairless in spots, but it should do some good. Anyway I also had to wash my coat when I got home, because it was disgusting too.

Today: To the bank with L, the shoe repair shop, a meeting with the photographer about S's senior pics, and then home to put Christmas stuff in the attic!

Pfantastic Christmas

2008-12-26T11:06:00.004-05:00

Here we are playing cards..
Denver is relaxing in his pool..
Lulu had a blast opening all her presents..
Here I am with "Santa.."
This is what the living room looked like.. I think we needed a bigger tree. A bigger room wouldn't have hurt either.. LOL

At the Beach..

2008-12-13T16:09:00.000-05:00

It doesn't look NEARLY as cold as it is.. :-)

Aeropuerto

2008-12-11T12:07:00.002-05:00

So...

Here I am, sitting in the airport waiting to go to the beach, and as usual when I travel, I am feeling highly annoyed.

Why does airport security make you completely disrobe and dismantle everything you own, then move the line along as fast as they can, giving you no room to get dressed again or put everything back together. They slam everyone else stuff into you as fast as they can, to make sure it is as uncomfortable as possible to get everything together and make sure you didn't forget anything.

Adding to my irritation is that L said there was an ATM in the airport, and there isn't, and then when I went to buy a drink at the newsstand, the sales girl told me to move out of the way so she could walk off somewhere. HELLO. I AM TRYING TO MAKE A PURCHASE HERE!

Needless to say I do not have a drink right now, and I am not in a pleasant mood.

I don't really know why. Normally I wouldn't be so very annoyed by any of this stuff. I guess it's just that I got up early this morning and I'm PMSing and I just feel off.

Anyway...

Nobody is really interested in any of that, so I am going to go read the news or something. :-P

More Thanksgiving Weekend-Here Comes Christmas!

2008-12-01T09:22:00.001-05:00

Turkey Day Weekend!

2008-12-01T09:17:00.000-05:00

Blogging from the Student Center..

2008-11-20T07:24:00.002-05:00

There is no breakfast in our house. :-\ I had to come to the bagel shop on campus early this morning to get something for breakfast.. but they don't open for another 10 minutes. Luckily there is this nifty computer lab right outside, so here I am taking a few minutes to update my readers (if I still have any! lol).

There has been so much going on that there is nowhere to start. S is feeling sick this morning. I think she ate something that disagrees with her.. but she has already missed the max in unexcused absences for the semester because of her trip to Florida, so I sent her on to school. I will probably have to leave work early and go pick her up (unless her day gets better once she gets to school, which will probably happen) but at least she gets counted for being there today.

This close to graduation, she doesn't need to take any chances of a technicality keeping her from getting final grades at the end of the year... and my experience with SC schools supports my feeling that if they can cause a problem, over any thing, no matter how minor, they will gleefully do so. Just saying.

In other news, here's my to-do list for this week:
1) 4-5 grant proposal reviews
2) I have to take my new employee to meet the folks across campus.
3) 1 more test and 2 final exams for grad school
4) 2 major presentations in grad school
5) Shopping for Thanksgiving and the required cleaning of the house before the big event
6) Finalizing details for my last big event as HOA social committee chair (hallelujah) which is coming up in 2 weeks
7) Scheduling an appointment to get an estimate on fixing the dent in my new car :-[
8) Getting my old car sold! Aaagh!
9) Going to see Trigger.. I haven't been out there in 2 weeks! Aaaaaaagh!

And so much more...

Bleh. Just thinking about all that this morning makes me want to turn around and go back home. But it's too cold to do anything but get breakfast and run back to my office.

Well, I think they have opened the doors of the bagel shop, so I'm off to get my breakfast...

I think this is the longest post I have made without pictures in quite some time.

And so much more...

One last thing at Mom's...

2008-11-13T17:01:00.004-05:00

What does this look like to YOU???

A testament to gay marriage, or what? We ROFL'd!

But...

2008-11-13T16:53:00.003-05:00

It's beautiful, but...The situation here is unacceptable. But what's the point of saying anything? No one wants to actually make a change. I can't make it happen, so all I can do is buy groceries when I come to visit, take the screaming and meanness, and buy new knives and kitchen stuff. :-\

I ask you, where is the value in this??

Reality Check

2008-11-13T16:42:00.003-05:00

Prepare to be depressed. I'm warning you.

At my mother's house.. here we see the slop bucket next to the chemicals and plant food next to the pineapple they are planning to eat. When is a good question to ask, because it was already almost overripe when I got there.

These are just a selection of the knives I removed from the kitchen. There isn't a single one of them that could actually be used to cut something. My mother threw a fit, after she asked me to get rid of them.. because I got rid of them. Ditto the rotten tomatoes.. though she didn't ask me to get rid of them.
If I hear "those are still good, i NEED those" one more time...

Meanwhile here's mom and one of the giganticats. This chair is her world pretty much.
Unless there's someone around to drive the golf cart (and push it, if you need to back up. We didn't find out we'd have to push to reverse until it was too late..)

Weird stuff from the past few days

2008-11-08T23:30:00.003-05:00

1) My mother's house is the scariest and most depressing place I can think of. I swear to god I feel like a total basket case every time I come here. I guess that's how I always feel when there is NOTHING I can do to improve a situation.

2) Now that I finally got blogger.com to let me create a post tonight... now I can't think of what I wanted to say.

3) I am amazed that on one here has contracted botulism yet. Let me just get that out of the way. Oh, and don't even get me STARTED on the rusted, bent, dull, or otherwise unuseable utensils in this kitchen. Or the rusty stuff. Or yet the slop bucket.

4) S and I have decided that Jehovah ruins everything. :-\

akjdfhryubvvfdjk! I want to go home and I feel really bad for wanting to go home this much. I never get to see my mother.. but everytime I do, I feel...

...like this. :-[

Sooo Much Going On.

2008-11-03T20:53:00.002-05:00

Too much going on, not enough time. So, some Halloween Pics..

And One More.

2008-09-28T08:39:00.000-05:00

This one needed a post all its own. Oy.

Lulu's Birthday..

2008-09-28T08:28:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was Lulu's birthday and GM&GF's 62nd wedding anniversary. In the morning we ate waffles with chocolate whipped cream, and called to wish GM&GF a happy anniversary. GM says that Lulu is still her favorite anniversary present ever!

The the present-opening commenced... Here is Lulu modeling her new coat (with thinsulate lining so she won't freeze this winter..)
Aaaand here she is with her new hair straightener (because she hates mine with a singleminded passion that defies description. So I want mine back. lol)
Here she is all ready to go out for dinner (this after we did the grocery shopping, picked up her cake, and went to Home Depot to buy s0me of the materials for her bedroom remodel..)

She looks very much like her mommy here..
Here's her cake.. yellow, her favorite.. but only on the outside. It's chocolate with strawberries on the inside!
The unit...

First Look at the New Car..

2008-09-28T08:26:00.001-05:00

ANNOUNCEMENT

2008-09-22T21:07:00.001-05:00

I has a new car.

:-D

Roundup

2008-09-19T22:27:00.004-05:00

He looks good, doesn't he? Too bad I've been too sick to ride for the past two weeks..

Trigger is the prettiest horse ever. :-)
Here's Lulu, practicing her customer service skills..
What? I'm improving my home! YES. With POWER TOOLS.
Denver showin some luv..

Stripes are Good

2008-09-19T22:15:00.003-05:00

Duckie has on his Clemson game day outfit..
Monster Head in profile
Duckie is quite proud of his white belly
He is rawthuh fabulous, isn't he?

Tomorrow's Epiphanies..

2008-09-17T16:59:00.002-05:00

Ok, Here's the Deal (in a list, for easy perusing:

1) None of it matters anyway. None of the injustices, none of the BS. I have to play the game with the cards I have been dealt. If that includes some challenges I'd rather not have to deal with, well tough shit. That's how it works.

I have tended to hold on to the hurt, because that's all I really had that I was sure wasn't going away. I'm not stuck in that particular padded room anymore. It's time to stop behaving as if I am.

2) Things that have happened up to this point may make me mad as hell, but it doesn't do anyone any good to discuss it. No one can change it, and odds are most of them wouldn't if given the opportunity. What can I change? What I do going forward, and nothing else.

3) The only way to deal with the backbiting and rumor-mongering is to ignore it. The only way to rise above it is not to participate. If that means the climate in the office gets a little frosty for a while, well, the door has hinges for a reason. I don't have to be friendly.. I just have to get the job done. The best answer to a stupid statement is silence. And maybe a Look.

4) I'm not letting this rule my life anymore. I have more important things to do. Like post pictures.

Today's epiphanies

2008-09-13T09:07:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I looked through all of the files my predecessor left behind at work. It was quite an eye-opening experience, especially after the number crunching I've done this week regarding performance in our department.

Basically my long-held suspicions were confirmed. I have been doing three times the work for the same pay, while being held to a much higher standard than others in the office. After I vocalized this last year, there was retaliation.. despite my consistent over-achievement, my performance evaluations had lower ratings than the coworker's. I've got the documentation to prove it.

I also found that anything good that was communicated about my coworker was printed out and put in her personnel file. NONE of my commendations were there. Not one.

Then there are the strategic plans for the department. I wrote them, and received no credit. They are in the files with someone else's name on them. I realize that my supervisor was probably thinking that since I was her employee that it was okay to do this... but it's not okay with me.

On the heels of these revelations, I begin to understand that this isn't really about being over-competitive with a coworker, or about a supervisor not liking me. The coworker and I were never in the same arena, and the supervisor felt that the co-worker needed her. I think there was the attitude of a therapist and not a boss there. Besides, no one likes being called out on something, no matter how small, and no matter what the intent.

So.. this isn't about anyone else. This is about me. I'm a capitalist in a communist environment. A square peg. A person who believes that compensation should be tied to performance, and that there should be standards.. the same standards for all employees in a given job that are upheld consistently.

I've learned from this that while universities are great places, I really belong in industry.

Stories like this..

2008-09-12T05:39:00.000-05:00

Holocaust survivor prepares for bar mitzvah

..sniff. How completely awesome! :-)

Lulu Eats Breakfast and Discusses Politics

2008-08-29T10:09:00.002-05:00

Horribly remiss.. if you missed me

2008-08-17T10:19:00.003-05:00

I know I have severely neglected my blog in the last few months. Life has a way of getting in the way. You know.

So, a Sunday morning list:

1) S is doing really well, adjusting to a huge life change with surprising grace. She's a 17-year-old. It's surprising grace for a 17-year-old, all right? But she's doing okay.

2) I have taken up running with her, to help her stay motivated and to help me work off some aggression and stress. It's working.. but I feel like I've spent the weekend in a meat grinder. I am most definitely NOT 17 anymore.

3) I'm learning a lot about boundaries (and lack thereof) both at work and in my personal life right now. It amazes me how far people will go when they think no one will stop them. Wow.

4) I'm almost finished with a major project, almost ready to start graduate school (Wednesday!) and officially promoted at work. Lots going on, for sure. L is handling all of this remarkably well, though date night seems to have become a casualty. I suggested a little date several times this week, to be met with the Look. You know the Look. The Look says I have work to do, I have been taxi-ing our new pet all over town, and I am tired, Leave me alone. So yeah. Next week, though.. and no arguments will be tolerated. (lol)

So now I'm off to work on this project for a few more hours, and hopefully finish another portion before AC comes over to take a look at it.

I'm Too Busy-- The List

2008-08-03T21:03:00.002-05:00

The list is out of control!

1) It's Sunday. I worked all day on the major project i have for work. It isn't done yet. Next week, hopefully it will be.

2) I haven't done my yoga today. I can tell.

3) S starts cross country tomorrow. Yeehaw! Hopefully she will be starting school on the 19th with the rest of the kids..

4) I know someone who is getting a promotion. :-) State paperwork is slow, though.

5) S is talking on the phone in the bathroom. I would rather have died than do that when I was 17. Oh well. Times change, I guess.

Well so much for the rest of the list.

onetwothree FOUR FIVE sixsevenseghtnineten eleven twe-e-e-e-e-e-elve!

2008-07-27T20:56:00.001-05:00

Ok, so it drove me nuts until I found it on YouTube. I wasn't sure if I really remembered it or not.

Spaghetti, Anyone?

2008-07-26T09:00:00.000-05:00

The Blubber Hand

2008-07-25T08:29:00.003-05:00

Another science experiment with muffinhead.. This time it involved COLD water, ziplock bags, and an inordinate amount of Crisco...It was quite amusing to say the least..
Everyone got in on the act. S lasted 1 minute with the non-blubbered hand in the water. I lasted 55 seconds. L lasted 2 minutes, 45 seconds. He was feeling very manly about it.

Interestingly enough, the Crisco insulated against the cold amazingly. S wondered if anyone in Colorado in the wintertime thinks about a Crisco suit?

Ick,

Later: Shopping!!

Hot List

2008-07-21T20:49:00.002-05:00

1) It was 100 degrees out today. My office was at least 96 this morning when I walked in at 7:15.

2) Lulu learned an important lesson today about sleep deprivation and how it impacts her performance. She also looks really silly sleeping under a desk. She has been invited to a party on Thursday. She can only go if she completes 11 more units on her Felvis, keeps her room/bathroom clean, and doesn't go out for the rest of the week. She's working tomorrow and Wednesday; Friday we have plans for her, and Saturday is her big official introduction to the wonderful world of college.

3) After a while, angst must fade into indifference over certain situations. Whatever. Ask yourself if it is going to make a huge difference in your life. If the answer is no, then who the hell cares?

4) Sometimes it is a bad idea to trust people with your feelings, with the things that really mean something to you, good or bad. Some people can't handle trust. This always comes as as surprise.

5) No matter what you think, you can't control other people. Even if you think you should be able to, or if they'd really be better off if they listened to you... other people don't belong to you. Even if you can intimidate someone into doing what you want for a while, you still aren't really in control. It's much better to accept that you aren't in control, and try to influence for the good when you can. People will follow a path much farther if you show it to them than they will if you drag them down it, kicking and screaming the whole way.

6) I have to say I've learned a lot from all of my current situations. I can't say it's been fun, or that it looks like a barrel of monkeys going forward.. but it's certainly educational.

7) It's too hot to even ride a horse around here. Seriously! The thought of lifting the saddle is enough to make you pass out. Forget actually climbing on.

8) Although horse sweat does smell good.

9) Everyone in the house but me is on the phone right now. I am avoiding the phone at all costs.

and now I'm going to sleep.

La te da, Blah de blah

2008-07-11T20:07:00.003-05:00

What makes someone think that they have the right to control the thoughts, feelings, and lives of others?

How can someone think that they are always right, no matter how wrong they are?

What does it take to be able to bury your head in the sand and refuse to face reality and the choices you've made? How can someone stare in the face of the direct consequences of their actions and not recognize what they're seeing?

-----

I really think I have played this particular record until it's warped and no use anymore.
I think I'm tired of this tune.

Independence Day

2008-07-07T09:42:00.003-05:00

S and all the "kids" had a great time at the party...
The fireworks were great! (Even the ones that went off too close to the ground)
Here's L keeping a "fatherly eye out." LOL

So.. that was our 4th of July.

On Sunday I went to the attic to get a box down and misjudged the distance when bending over.. got the corner of a cardboard box right in my left eye. I had to go to the ER, where they told me I had cut a triangular flap into my cornea. It really really really hurt. Did I mention that it REALLY HURT? Aaaaagh. L got to look at my eye under a weird light thingie, with the doctor. He said it was cool.

So I can't drive today, so I am stuck at home, wearing sunglasses inside the house and putting eyedrops in every two hours.

Bleh.

So this book I'm reading...

2008-07-04T18:42:00.002-05:00

"Over the next few months, Sherrie found out a great deal about this friendship. She found that when she couldn't console Lois during her chronic emergencies, Lois would withdraw, hurt. She found out that when Lois was doing all right, she would ignore Sherrie. Lois never called just to see how Sherrie was doing. And she found out that when Sherrie herself called Lois with problems, Lois could only talk about herself.

It was sad to find out that a childhood connection had never really flourished into a mutual attachment. Lois simply couldn't come out of her self-centeredness enough to want to understand Sherrie's world."

"...If one does not have secure bonding [early in life], setting boundaries is too frightening. Many people stay in destructive relationships because they fear abandonment. They fear that if they stand up for themselves, they will be all alone in the world. They would rather have no boundaries and some connection than have boundaries and be all alone."

My Hero

2008-07-02T20:57:00.003-05:00

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence - is the key to unlocking our potential.

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.

Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfils the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.

I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

It is no use saying, 'We are doing our best.' You have got to succeed in doing what is necessary.

Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.

More Fun with Lulu

2008-06-19T17:01:00.004-05:00

Here we are at the baseball game last Saturday...
And then we went riding on Sunday. Here's S with Cowboy and Bill, her new best friends. As you can see, Cowboy loooovvvveeeessss her.
Smoky is wondering what's up with all the little furry things..
Here's S on her first horse ride ever. She did great! It was lots of fun.
After 3 hours on the trail, she's still smiling! S is really a good rider.. we even cantered some on the way back.

The Giant Prawn Experiment

2008-06-18T07:07:00.002-05:00

S had to dissect a crustacean as part of her online class. Procuring the crustacean(s) in question was an adventure in itself.. S charmed the seafood guy at Publix into giving her a giant prawn and a crawfish...
It really was a GIANT prawn..
And of course, we had to photograph the crawfish too...
A was really grossed out by the end of the experiment. She changed her mind about sauteeing him, for sure.

I love this pic.. L is checking out her notes and her half-dismantled crustacean, and she's gagging. LOL ;-)

Later: Horseback riding!

Up Yonder?

2008-06-18T07:06:00.003-05:00

Here's grandmother with her chipmunk... One of the cats caught this chipmunk and brought him in the house. he got away from the cat and disappeared into the closet, where he stayed for a month. Grandmother left food out on the floor for him, and finally caught him. She named him Willy and put him in this aquarium..

..where he was tortured by the cats for a few days. I think he started going nuts a little, so Grandmother finally released him back into the wild. LOL
Here's S again, sitting in GM's wheelchair and painting.
S gave Mom her skirt from "Grease".. GMa is writing the date inside the waistband here..

The Holler

2008-06-18T07:03:00.003-05:00

Here are some pictures from the NC trip: First we have S and one of her paintings. GMa was freaking out so bad about S's painting technique that S and I finally started screaming "OMG WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!" every time GMa started saying "don't oh don't DO it like that!!" It was actually quite entertaining.
This is one of Grandmother's cactus flowers out on the porch..
Here I am (you can tell I have had about enough fun back in the sticks with the fambly by this point) with Mom..
Me and GF..
Here I am with Grandmother..

List, In Pictures

2008-06-18T06:54:00.004-05:00

1. This turkey has taken up residence behind our house.2. Last Thursday was my birthday. L and the zoo bought me presents:
My very own crocs (which I thought I'd never wear until I tried them on. They're SO comfy!!) and iPod speakers! Yay!!
3. Ah, the trip to NC.. I got to see Paw Paw and Nanny. Haven't seen them in a while.
Also got to see Dad, but didn't get a picture of him this time. I took lots of pictures with me, though. I brought Mom and Dad both a photo book from the wedding, along with some prints for them, Nanny & Paw Paw, and Gm & Gf.

4. S and the younger cousins had a great time playing in the woods, and then cavorting around in a rainstorm:
I love this pic! :-)

Later: More pics from North Carolina
AND
Later Still: The Giant Prawn Experiment!

I Has A Teenager

2008-06-17T05:28:00.002-05:00

S has arrived, and spent her first day at our house painting pictures and working on an online class for school. I am still trying to get her summer job lined up at the University. It is proving to be quite frustrating.

She's hilarious.. I have pics to post later from our trip to NC.

Once again, my family is so depressing that the government could actually videotape them for use in demoralizing the enemy troops.. Visiting my mom's house certainly demoralizes me to the point of just giving up on life altogether. :-| Sheesh.. sometimes it's just too unbelievable to be real.

Don't worry, I'll try to post pictures and a more coherent explanation later.
Right now, it's back to the office for another day of drudgery. O joy.

Eeyore Strikes Again

2008-06-06T05:10:00.002-05:00

Well. What can I say? I am feeling quite morose lately.

I guess there is a lot of anxiety about what's going on at work right now, and why everything is changing.. right down to my friends and my interactions with them. I'm in kind of a funk, where I second-guess my every word and action until I feel ready to leap face-first off the nearest bridge or tall building.

Nobody else cares about anything I say, so I don't know why I am even worried about it. And I know that whatever happens with any of the current situations in my life, be it family, work, or other, it really doesn't say that much about me as a person.

But for some reason I feel that it does. I let it eat at me until I am really angry, and it wears me out. I feel that one mistake will permanently derail me, that one person's opinion can sway the whole world.. it's almost like I expect to fail but I am terrified of even the slightest indication that I might screw up.

Bleh. How's that for an interesting, uplifting start to the morning?

Look at My Muffin!!!

2008-05-29T09:57:00.002-05:00

I can't believe how fast she has grown up!! What an awesome girl.. I am really excited about having her here for the summer. :-D

The Listification of ORP

2008-05-26T18:53:00.003-05:00

Thoughts, at random, as they occur:

1) I thank God every day that five years ago, I stood up against everything I believed in. If I hadn't, I shudder to think of the things I would have had to live with, and the conditions I would be living in. That one little stand.. that one little boundary has made all the difference. I would never have known what a marriage should be, or what I am capable of when I am not told every minute of the day that I am not good enough.. It's amazing, really.

Come on, say it with me: "If you can't treat me with dignity and respect, then you cannot be in any kind of relationship with me." Believe me, it works.

2) Does anyone know what the deal is with friends? Why they fade in and fade out of your life.. why sometimes it seems that they're there and other times it seems as if they don't even know you (or care to)? Is it that we aren't made to have very many really close relationships, or is that human nature doesn't allow us to get along harmoniously when we're very close to one another (whether emotionally or physically)? Is that "forced closeness" why most of us have issues with our families? Just curious...

3) Speaking of friends, ... I think PR doesn't like me anymore. I haven't been able to leave a comment on his blog since that night we went to the Galley, about 6 months ago. And come to think of it, he hasn't really talked to me since then either. I think maybe I am not "in the right crowd" anymore. Or maybe not fit for public association, since I am not a regular church-goer? That' s the impression I have gotten, but I have been known to be wrong before.

If that's the case, though, it's a shame. I miss him.

4) I cooked steak tonight, with garlic and rosemary roasted potatoes. Yumm. It was ten times better than the one we had out at Sassafras on Saturday night.. and even with cocktails, it was about $90 cheaper than Saturday. I am becoming a restaurant snob.. but then I should be, when I can eat better at home for less money.

Makes a difference when gas costs more than food for a week.

5) Ok, I really think I want a baby now. It should have green eyes like L and blonde hair like me. And it should be very fat and giggly.. because that's the best kind of baby.

6) Did I just say that out loud? I did, didn't I?

Later:
Pictures of something.. I haven't decided what yet..

Testy Trigger May Revisit the Trainer

2008-05-18T20:49:00.004-05:00

I went riding Sunday and got caught in a rain storm. By the time I got back to the barn, I was soaked and dripping.

Did I mention that I left the top down on the car?

Oh yeah. I got it home, but I won't be driving it for a bit while it dries out. :-(

Trigger has been in rare form lately..

He's beautiful but kind of hard to control, on the ground at least. Getting a bridle on him these days is like WWF. And he wins because he is huge and I am not. I always have to get help now, and I hate it. I think he's going back to the trainer for a one-week brush-up. :-\

A Flag is a Flag.. Except When it Isn't...

2008-05-18T20:16:00.004-05:00

So I must relate my experience at the mall on Friday, simply because of the stunning stupidity involved.

Ok, most people who read my blog know that I live in South Carolina (the state that started the Civil War, etc etc). Anyone who knows me also knows that I would never be caught dead wearing a rebel flag.. not because I am not proud of my "Southern Heritage" but because the flag is associated with so much hate and hoopla and complete bullshiat that it has completely lost any other meaning it may (or may not!) have ever had. And I don't particularly relish being automatically classed with the beer-chugging, mullet-wearing, toothless, ignorant bigot that every newscaster in the country seems to find to put on camera anytime a story comes up in the South.

The truth is that most residents of SC don't even know the flag's history, or why so many people are offended by it. They are because "everyone is."

That's just a little background for my Friday Mall Experience. See, I went to get my hair done, and the salon is just across the street from the mall, so I went over to check out the Big Sales. There's a new shoe store there, so I stopped in to see what kind of cool shoes they had.

There were four people in the store: me, the salesgirl (white, blonde, bored), and three black teens.. two boys and a girl. I heard the three black youths discussing something rather heatedly, with the word "b!tch" featured quite prominently. I couldn't figure out what the fuss was about, and kept looking for the person they were talking about.

It took a moment to figure out that it was ME they were talking about. Did I mention that I was wearing a shirt that I bought on my honeymoon? Well, I was. It featured large text that said "OXFORD, ENGLAND", along with...
...a Union Jack. You know, the BRITISH FLAG.

I heard the black girl say "Y'all it's just a shirt!" And the two boys continue to deride my character for being "a damn racist" and other things I can't repeat here.

The salesgirl caught on pretty quickly and said "Oh! Oxford! Have you been to England?"

I replied "Oh yes! I went on my Honeymoon, to ENGLAND!!!" This while holding the shirt out from my chest and pointing adamantly at the HUGE white letters below the flag that said... ENGLAND.

The black girl was the only one who even registered the sarcasm. The change on her face was visible and mortified as she realized that the object of her friends' furor was not in fact a rebel flag at all. She literally averted her eyes and walked away from her two friends, who continued to talk about "that b!tch" until I left the store. It was so hard not to laugh out loud that there were tears threatening to roll down my face by the time I got back out to the main walkway of the mall. I felt so sorry for the poor black girl.. I would never have intentionally embarrassed someone that way, except it was just... necessary.

So, as a quick recap to those of you who may not have appreciated the incredible ignorance at work here, THIS is a rebel flag:
THIS is the Union Jack:

See the difference???

I don't care who you are or where you live... it oughta be pretty easy to tell one from the other.
If any sort of history or geography were taught in schools these days, I think this sort of thing would never happen.

Later:
Another adventure

List # 987,876,234 and counting

2008-05-14T05:33:00.002-05:00

1) I'm by myself in the office this week. It's summertime and the students are gone, which means that the faculty are concentrating on their grants. Which means I am busier than the proverbial one-legged man in the proverbial butt-kicking contest. I am taking names, though. ;-)

2) Trigger rocks.

3) L is home, and he rocks too.

4) The cleaning lady came yesterday and the house now rocks as well,

5) Someone I know has a very important doctor's appointment today. She should know that I am thinking about her, hoping all goes well, and that this should definitely change her way of thinking about things. There is nothing as important as taking care of yourself, in every aspect of life. Being healthy and responsible is the foundation for everything else you could ever want to do in life. Everything.

6) I wish I could take one of the dogs to work today. I think Denver would be a good addition to my office on a day when I need to keep people out and my mind in overdrive. Oh well. I wouldn't have room to drive him or time to walk him during the day, so he's best staying here with L. ;-) Besides, our custodian would kill me.

7) By the way, where the heck are my prom pictures??? My niece went to the prom on Saturday and I haven't even seen a single picture of her dress!

Later: Pictures of Trigger.. my how he has grown!
Also: An update on the car shopping extravaganza.

Interesting Quotes:

2008-05-10T15:56:00.004-05:00

" We need to have space inside ourselves where we can have a feeling, an impulse, or a desire without acting it out. We need self control without repression. We need to be able to say no to ourselves. This includes both our destructive desires and some good ones that are not wise to pursue at a given time. "

"Steve has a problem hearing and accepting others' boundaries. To him, No is simply a challenge to change the other person's mind... He resists taking responsibility for his own life, so he needs to control others... He is perceived as a bully, manipulative and aggressive.

...

Controllers like Steve are undisciplined people. They have little ability to control their impulses or desires. While it appears that they "get everything they want in life," they are still slaves to their appetites. Delaying gratification is difficult for them. That's why they hate the word No from others. They desperately need to learn to listen to the boundaries of others to help them observe their own."

"...boundaries need to be made visible to others and communicated to them in relationship... We are beset by fears of guilt, not being liked, loss of love and connection...and so on. Because of these fears, we try to have secret boundaries. We withdraw passively and quietly instead of communicating an honest No to someone we love. We secretly resent instead of telling someone that we are angry about how they have hurt us. Often we will privately endure the pain of someone's irresponsibility instead of telling them how their behaviors affect us and other loved ones, information that would be helpful to their soul."

--from "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend

It's May Already

2008-05-06T17:48:00.002-05:00

Well it's been a while, so I guess I'd better post an update. :-)

I miss L. I'm busier than ever at work, and still trying to get over my sinus/ear infection. I'm going over to M's tonight for Idol night with her and AC. I'm making peach caramel ice cream right now.. waiting for it to set up so I can take it over.

The ice cream maker is really loud.

I'm also doing a lot of life evaluation. Sounds kind of stupid, but without going into too much detail, "life evaluation" is the best way to describe it.

I'm also working on a huge art project (pics later, when there's something to take a picture of...).

Whirlwind

2008-04-23T06:30:00.002-05:00

Once again I have so much going on that it's hard to find time to blog.. and most of what is on my mind these days would make boring reading anyway. (Well.. boring or incendiary, neither of which is productive. ;-) )

I have a 43-song set list to learn in very short order. My allergies are acting up. I have a ton of housework that needs doing, and phone calls to make and stupid situations to figure out.

Don't know what's going on with some of my friends.. but something is up with one in particular. I vacillate between trying to figure it out and really not giving a crap. Sounds bad, but hey, it's true.

At least I am not so depressed. :-)

Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam..

2008-04-17T06:58:00.003-05:00

Victoria & Albert Museum was bombed during WWII.. the holes and dents in the building are still there. Very cool..

Speaking of cool.. Monty Python is, very! We saw Spamalot at the Palace Theatre. :-) It was great!
Here I am with a giant lion at Trafalgar square. This was a hard picture to get.. but fun!
Buckingham Palace..

Pictures! Again!

2008-04-16T07:19:00.003-05:00

I thought this one was cool, because the bird took off as I was snapping the picture. It's very interesting to me.
Here I am on our first day in London, in the snow.
And of course I had to have a picture in one of the famous phone booths..
Here is L enjoying his breakfast aboard the Thames ferry boat..
And last but not least.. I am standing on the steps on the other side of the stage, trying to pretend that I am standing on Shakespeare's stage,, since they wouldn't allow me to actually get up there!

More Paris Pictures

2008-04-14T08:52:00.005-05:00

Here I am at the top of Sacre Coeur
And here we are on the bridge with Notre Dame in the background..
Here I am in a cafe in Paris. This cat just walked up and jumped into my lap, curled up, and started purring. He was really a lot like Monster.. ;-)
The Arc de Triomphe..
L (with the Eiffel Tower..)

London List

2008-04-08T15:46:00.002-05:00

Ahhhh, London...

1) Good Food, surprisingly! Particularly at the Barrowboy and Banker pub, and tonight at the Palm Court in Covent Garden.

2) Westminster Abbey. Wow. Just Wow. There are too many amazing things for the tour guide to even mention. We walked right over the top of a tomb from 1111. As in the Year.

3) The Tube makes much more sense than the Paris Metro.. as long as you mind the gap!

4) I've been forced to revise my intense dislike of rose wines. In the States, a rose is white zinfandel, period. Yecch. Here, it's real wine.. and surprisingly good! Who knew?

5) The Tower of London was so cool! We saw the Crown Jewels, and some really nasty torture devices, and the place where Henry VIII's wives were beheaded... and the tour guide was really funny!

6) The only bad thing is that L is now sick as the proverbial dog. He has had a fever today, and has been sleeping it off as much as possible. Hopefully he will feel better tomorrow, as we have big plans.. shopping, museums, and a play if all goes well.

This has to go on record as the best honeymoon ever. :-)

The Paris List

2008-04-03T15:19:00.002-05:00

A few things:

1) European women are interesting. The stores are full of clothes in blindingly bright colors. ALL of the women on the street are wearing head to toe black. Flat, knee-high riding boots are IN here.. with jeans tucked in.. which I have been LAUGHED AT for doing in the States. So there. ;-)

2) The subjects of most of the Louvre's Denon wing paintings from Italian artists look exactly like my niece, S. She would go over very successfully in Europe.

3) The Pompidou Centre looks like a giant combination erector set and gerbil cage. The glass escalators on the outside of the building look like those tubes that gerbils have to connect one part of the cage to another.. and they're stiflingly hot inside. The museum is also weird.. the modern art is supposed to be weird. The fact that there is ABSOLUTELY NO signage or direction to tell you WHERE THEY ARE HIDING THE GALLERIES right now is highly annoying.

4) And just who gets to decide what is "ART" these days anyway?

5) The Rodin museum was absolutely amazing. The inside portion needed some cleaning and some general upkeep, but it was nonetheless incredible. The garden portion outside was wonderful. We loved it.

6) Champs Elysses. Need I say more? I didn't think so.

7) L and I are bar none, hands down, the WORST navigation team on the face of the earth. Only we two together can manage to miss ALL of the bus stops along the Seine by one street, and walk by the monument we are looking for on all sides without ever seeing it! We spent a whole day thinking that the Louvre was the Opera.

9) But we are having a fantastic time! We saw The Thinker! And Venus de Milo! And the Mona Lisa! And Napoleon's Apartments!

Pictures, next time we have enough juice to upload. :-)
Tomorrow: The Catacombs! Versailles!
Bonne Nuit..

One More

2008-03-31T17:17:00.002-05:00

Yours truly at the Moulin Rouge

A Little Paris..

2008-03-31T17:10:00.003-05:00

Here I am at Oxford in England..
Here I am inside a hollow tree on the grounds of Blenheim Palace in England..
Me and L a few minutes after our arrival in Paris yesterday..
This is one of the feral cats that live in the Cemetairie. We walked through and got some amazing pictures today!
Couldn't resist a close up of the kittie..

We visited Sacre Coeur today as well. More amazing pictures from there... but those will have to wait!

One for the Road

2008-03-26T09:21:00.002-05:00

Fork Me, I'm Done

2008-03-23T16:15:00.003-05:00

Ok.

I have been struggling lately.

I think that every so often, we all go through a "crossroads" period, where we are forced to reevaluate our lives, our relationships with others, and our very perceptions of ourselves. I think that's what has been going on for me over the last few months.

It was brought on by some major life events, an overwhelming sense of inertia, and some relationships that are obviously and blatantly unhealthy the way they are. I've made some major decisions, a few of which have been very, very painful. It is hard to accept that some things are never going to work out the way they should, or the way I want them to. The same people are always going to react to me in the same way, and no amount of self-deprecation, bribery, or trying to please said people is going to change that.

It's time to value and celebrate the good things in my life (even if I am the only one who appreciates them), and throw the garbage out where it belongs.

The Honeymoon couldn't come at a better time. I am going to be away from everything in my life (except my husband, of course, who is one of the good things..lol) for more or less three weeks. Lots of time to get the switch flipped over to "Positive" and figure out how to handle the phasing out of certain negative things and relationships in a kind, reasonable, and balanced way.

I'll post pics when I get back, of course. Lots and lots of pics.

More Interestingness.. for all the girls out there

2008-03-22T09:35:00.004-05:00

Relationship Principles: (Comments in parenthesis are mine)

#3
He doesn't marry a woman who is perfect. He marries a woman who is interesting.
(Because, face it, perfect is impossible).

#5
Don't believe what anyone tells you about yourself.
(This is so important.. if your self-esteem and self-image are determined by YOU and not whoever you are with at the time, then NO ONE can make you feel bad about yourself.)

#6
Men see how you dress, and then make assumptions about your relationship potential.
(If you're showing too much skin, people assume that's all you have to offer. I hate to say it, but I learned this the hard way. The more skin you show, the less seriously you are taken. People just don't listen to you when they can see your ta-ta's.)

#11
It is better to be disliked for who you are than to be loved for who you are not.
(Yep. Nobody is better than some people.)

#14
Your power gets lost the minute you start asking "Where do I stand?" Because what you've just told him is that the terms of the relationship are his to dictate.
(Yeah, I messed up on this one. I just couldn't stand it! I had to know "where the relationship was going!")

#20
As soon as a woman hands a man a more serious commitment on a silver platter, he'll be reluctant to take it.

#30
The way to weed out the contenders from the pretenders is to assess their attitude about waiting for sex. If he likes you, he'll be happy just being in your company.

#31
The purpose of waiting is not just to seem classier. You also want to give yourself time to observe him and find out key facts about him.
(Cuz what if you really don't like him so much on the 4th date? Or in the second month? Or whatever? If he's already in your bed and/or living with you, it's waaaay too late! This isn't about being a prude.. it's about giving yourself time to decide if YOU want to be with HIM.)

#46
The more rational and calm you remain, the more emotional he will become.

#65
A guy who really thinks you could be "the one" will say very little about marriage. He'll be much more reserved, and will slowly open up over the course of several months, because he won't want to scare you off.
(I can definitely vouch for this one. L wouldn't even utter the M-word! And when he did, it was to propose.)

#74
Men rarely take it as a compliment when you bend over backward or become too agreeable. Men want to feel special, and when you are too nice he feels ordinary, because he assumes you'd acquiesce and become a yes-person with any man.
(Yikes!)

--from Why Men Marry Bitches by Sherry Argov

Interesting Quotes:

2008-03-22T09:26:00.002-05:00

"I often compare the ADD mind to Niagara Falls...the trick to making use of the energy of Niagara Falls, and to doing well in life with ADD, is building a hydroelectric plant...Treating ADD may seem as difficult as building a hydroelectric plant--but it can be just as successful."

"..When diagnosis is not made until late adolescence or adulthood, prolonged periods of going nowhere can stultify treatment.... I call these periods of being stuck "spinning" based on an acronym, SPIN. The term sums up the usual causes of getting stuck:

Shame
Pessimism and negativity
Isolation
No creative or productive outlet"

"If you have ADD, you can chart a fabulous course, have the ability you need to reach your goal, but trip over one obstacle after another as you try to get there...You may be caught in the process of SLIDE:

Self-attack
Life-attack
Imagining the worst
Dread
Escape...

Instead of taking things in stride, you go nuts inside."

--from Delivered from Distraction by Dr. Edward M. Hollowell and Dr. John J. Ratey

The more things happen..

2008-03-20T07:14:00.002-05:00

...the less I find to say.

It would be easy to just write something every day, I guess.. but then who would want to read it?

I'm just getting geared up for the Honeymoon, which starts in exactly 6 days...

This is Where We Ride.

2008-03-15T09:35:00.002-05:00

Here's where Trigger and I went yesterday (and where we go every weekend). This is our waterfall:
And there's a place where there are tons of trees with vines like this:
Then there's an area where the bamboo is taking over. I love the color of it:
And of course, there's a river:
Trigger is flexing his neck here, and also checking out my foot. I think he found it somewhat tasty. :-)

Friday's List

2008-03-14T07:56:00.002-05:00

1) My secret mission went well. Now if I can just follow up...

2) If you heard unexplained 80's music yesterday, it was coming from my office. ("You dropped da bomb on me, behbeh, you dropped da bomb on me"). Things got shook up a little.. and nothing may come of it at all. But more than likely everything is about to change.

3) I made chicken last night, breaded with pine nuts, parmigiano-reggiano, italian bread crumbs, and garlic, then sauteed. I served it with fennel slaw, and it was really, really good. I had never eaten fennel. I was pleasantly surprised.

4) I have been reading some books about this thing they call ADD. I am frankly shocked at how much of the stuff I have always just assumed was "wrong" with me was actually due to ADD. I think my mother's entire family has it, and I think my dad may have a touch of it too, although he has much better coping strategies than mom does. LOL

5) I'm going to see Trigger now...

Later: Some interesting quotes from the various ADD books, and maybe some pictures from the ride..

My Future Child's Future Pony

2008-03-11T07:06:00.004-05:00

This is Teddy. He belongs to a tiny girl at our barn. Teddy only comes up to my waist. He is SO CUTE! When his little girl outgrows him, I want him!! He is very sweet!
This is Barney, the miniature donkey. He is also terribly cute (and loud sometimes!).

In other news:
1) In the wake of our horrible houseguest, the guest room is being fully sanitized for your safety. ;-)
2) I have a headache already, and it's still very early in the morning. I hope this is a better day for me than yesterday was.
3) The new job is not going to be the new job for me. I have decided that even if they do eventually make an offer, unless the money is spectacular, (and even then there's no guarantee it'll be worth it), I ain't their girl. I've never seen so much disorganization in my life. I don't think it's for me.

The Funniest Thing on the Internets

2008-03-06T21:54:00.002-05:00

I have discovered LOLCATS.
Ahhhhhhhhahahahaaaaaha! I have laughed myself silly! I have laughed until I cried!
Ohhhh dear.. LOOK at this:

Hide and Watch

2008-03-06T21:30:00.002-05:00

I am on a secret mission.

I can't say what it is.. only that it is secret and it is a mission.

Heh. Heh. Heh.

I have decided to remove myself from the list for the new job. I don't want it after all. But that has very little to do with my secret mission. It is only a side note for those who might be interested.

I am reading a book about me right now. I didn't know it was about me when I picked it up at the library, but it definitely is.

Later: A few quotes from this highly amusing and interesting book.

Universal Question

2008-03-03T06:41:00.002-05:00

I'd really like to know why I am so morose and depressed right now. It's not as if there is actually anything wrong, other than the half-hearted job-search and the vague feeling that somehow I'm missing the boat.

Maybe I just need to spend more time with L and/or Trigger and not work so hard. Work really isn't anywhere near as personally rewarding, and I give it far too much time and attention.

Speaking of which, it's time to go, isn't it?

Ok, one more thing, and then I'll go. I need to find a new band. I'm not going to be able to afford to set up the studio anytime soon so that I can work on the CD, so I might as well be playing gigs and making some spare change at least.

I feel very Eeyore-ish today.

Sometimes I think..

2008-02-28T21:01:00.002-05:00

Sometimes I look at the magazines that come in the mail, and at the t.v. shows that come on at night and think...

Wow, I could do better.

I could write a better script.
I could write a better song.
I could design a better outfit.
I could sing much better than half the kids on American Idol this year.. I'm just too damn old.

What the heck has happened to American culture?? Am I just getting old and crotchety, or has real talent and creativity gone down the tubes?

Or maybe everyone else's parents discouraged them too. Maybe no one in my generation actually took their talents seriously.

I wish I had. If I had followed my original dream, I could have been blazing a creative trail right now. Instead I am doing a boring desk job because it's stable, putting my writing, music, and art on a back burner because I don't have time for it, and regretting it already.

Who knows what it will feel like 5 years from now? But it's a good 10 years too late for me. My time for flying by the seat of my pants is long gone.

So. Suck it up and deal with it, eh?

So Busy.. Only Time for Kitties

2008-02-26T07:40:00.002-05:00

The Duck is a lovely centerpiece..

Those gold/orange eyes are kinda freaky though.. He is thinking interesting thoughts.
Monster Head is busy being comfortable.
He has been feeling very snuggly lately. I wish I could bring him to work with me..

February List

2008-02-21T21:43:00.003-05:00

It's list time again (It's always list time around here..)

1) I went back to work today. I lasted about 5 hours.

2) I have to last longer than that tomorrow.. I have an interview, and I have to be able to knock their socks off. Not an easy task when recovering from the Monster-Flu.

3) Speaking of Monsters, mine is yowling now (along with the Duck) because he didn't want to go out to the garage for the night. Unfortunately he had to, because he and Duckie can't leave me alone at night. Monster would spend the whole night either trying to open the bedroom door, or if he succeeded at getting in, licking and grooming my hair or lying his large, loaf-like self on my head while I tried to sleep. This cannot be tolerated for obvious reasons (the main one being suffocation).

4) I'm almost done writing thank-you notes from the wedding! 50-something down, only 7 to go! My hands are tired. I don't think I have written this much by hand in at least ten years. Maybe 15.. it was before I had a computer, I can tell you that.

5) Finally got the Social Security card today! Now maybe I can get the giant, snarling mess that is HR straightened out about what my name actually IS.

6) I actually cooked a real dinner for myself this evening. I rarely ever cook if I'm by myself, but I did today. I figured I needed some real food that didn't come from a can or a bag. I made sauteed chicken breast with garlic and green onion and olive oil, with rice pilaf, pine nuts, and a spinach salad. Yum.

7) And speaking of food, if any of you dear readers EVER hear me suggest eating fast food again (other than Chick-fil-A), please force feed me steak until I regain my senses. I ate a burger from Sonic the other day because I was too sick to stand at the stove long enough to cook (and I was at the drug store anyway). Wow, I only thought I was sick with the flu. Try the flu on top of greasy, smelly, nasty fast-food nausea! Yecch!

8) But I still like cherry-lime-ade.

9) This is the longest list I have done in a very long time.

10) Has PR stopped allowing comments on his blog??

Ok, I have long since entered a fade for the day. Time to get in the amazing electric bed and try to get my snooze on.

P.S.; 11) American Idol: The girls are awesome this year (except for a few of them). But the guys.. only three of them really seem to have talent. Nick A is my favorite so far..

Ok, that's really enough. Going. Now. To get my snooze on.

The Flu

2008-02-20T19:34:00.001-05:00

I really hate the flu.

I have been out of work all week with it. I can't really seem to do anything without being exhausted within a few minutes. I went to get a burger at Sonic earlier (yuck, what was I thinking??) and felt like I had run a marathon by the time I got back.

I just didn't feel like cooking, and I was out of canned soup. I should have had macaroni & cheese or something, because now my stomach feels all queasy and gross on top of the rest of the flu symptoms.

I hope I can go back to work tomorrow. I have an interview on Friday to be ready for!

My V-Day Presents and Other Interesting Pictures

2008-02-17T07:59:00.004-05:00

Here's what L got for me for Valentine's Day:

I love the heart bracelet! And the necklace is very heavy silver. The pearls match the other bracelet he gave me for my birthday last year. :-)
These are the new shoes I bought on Friday. They were on sale for $38.. they had been $100 at Macy's before. :-) I think they are very cute, especially the ribbon ties!

Quote

2008-02-16T15:23:00.004-05:00

"This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy."
--George Bernard Shaw

Do YOU Ever Feel..

2008-02-13T06:17:00.003-05:00

..like a human toxic waste dump? Does it seem like people only want to talk to you about all the negatives in their lives? Does it seem like any time YOU have a bad day, that no one wants to listen?

..like no one really has time for you? In general, people are fine with the status quo as long as you are doing something for them, but when it's time to return the favor, everyone suddenly has other plans.

..like you know the way you feel is pretty dumb, but you can't stop feeling that way?

..like everything in your life is in limbo and no resolution is in sight?

If you do feel like this, ...well you're weird then. I've certainly never felt that way. (How do you type a smiley face rolling its eyes in blatant sarcasm??)

I need to go see Trigger.

Monday Monday

2008-02-11T20:24:00.001-05:00

I am annoyed with MySpace right now. It WILL NOT let me upload any wedding pictures for some reason. Ordinarily this would not bother me, as MySpace is not really a priority for me.. but several of L's cousins from Louisiana wanted to see some pics, and I can't get them to upload.. until I have time to edit the files to make them smaller.

I'll put that on the list behind the 420,000 other things I need to be doing right now. :-[

I am also annoyed because I came home from work and cooked for an hour and a half and not only did my recipe not turn out the way I wanted it to (my potatoes were not fluffy enough and it's more like soup than shepherd's pie), but then L got all snippy about my wanting to have a particular picture in the wedding album that he had deleted from the list.

Whatever. Who cares? It's not the end of the world, and it's not like we aren't going to have 25 other albums. So I just left it out.

And now I have to go work on thank-you notes, or they will NEVER get done.

Did I mention that I am slightly annoyed??

All I Have Time For is Lists

2008-02-10T09:53:00.000-05:00

So here you go, today's list:

1) Date night last night was Checkov's The Seagull at the Warehouse Theatre. Very interesting, and I must say that I had forgotten how much I enjoyed live theatre, in the round. The coffee was terrible though.

2) That fluffy baby blue bathrobe I got for Christmas was great until I realized that now everything I own is covered in little baby blue fluff balls that adhere to other fabric like super glue. :-[

3) I am beginning to seriously resent my to-do list. Everything on it is important and HAS to be done, and I have time for none of it, basically.

4) We are in dire need of groceries!

5) V-Day is this week.. I've got L a little present, but I want to get something else. As usual, i have NO IDEA what else to get him.

And now I'm off to see the Trigger at last..

Ready to Run

2008-02-08T12:57:00.000-05:00

I need about three days. If I had an extra three days this week to do stuff I need to do, I might actually get caught up.

As it is, there is pretty much no hope. Oh well.

I don't even have anything interesting to say except for:

1) Debt collectors are bad enough when they are attempting to collect a debt that you actually owe.. they're even worse when they're calling you about someone else's debt that has nothing to do with you. Ten times worse if they are unethical, dishonest, misleading, and nasty.
The particular gentleman who had the misfortune of calling me should read his FDCPA very carefully.

2) I miss Trigger. I never get to see him anymore. :-(

Random List for the Disenfranchised

2008-02-04T22:24:00.000-05:00

1) I always wanted to say "disenfranchised." Makes me think of someone stealing a chain of McDonalds' or something.

2) Taxes. Yeesh!

3) Hot pink is a good color this evening.

4) I would rather dig ditches than go to the DMV again this year.

5) New sheets are awesome. 620 thread count = very comfy.

6) I am boycotting chicken for the rest of the week. I am SICK of chicken right now. (Chick fil A for lunch, chicken for dinner tonight, chicken for dinner two nights ago, chicken for lunch on Saturday, cluck cluck cluckety cluck! I need some STEAK.

And now, I am off to bed.
Tomorrow: Insanity at work! Again!

Date Night!

2008-02-02T22:38:00.001-05:00

Tonight L and I went to see "The Bucket List."
If you see no other movie this year, see this one. It is that good. You might want to take some kleenex though. Even L was crying at the end.

After the movie, we went to dinner at a tiny little Italian place called Giovanni's. They had 15 tables in there, tops, and the proprietor and all of the staff had thick Italian accents. It was like a restaurant you see in the movies.. the Godfather or something. The food was excellent beyond all expectations, and we had a great time.

Date night rocks...

Coming Down

2008-01-31T21:24:00.000-05:00

..But not really coming down at all.

More like full steam ahead.

I am so busy at work that I will never dig my way out from under the mountain. And once again I am the subject of the rumor mill. Never mind that I suspect that the gentleman in question is actually carrying on a clandestine thing with someone else. Never mind that he is old enough to be my dad. Never mind that I have really buttoned it up this past month. No more jeans to the office, always wear hose, no low cut blouses, nothing tight or short. I am a married woman, as well.. a VERY RECENTLY married woman.

And yet, old biddies will always be old biddies on a fact finding mission. This is all very cryptic for most of you, I know, but I can't give out identifying details for fear it'll make the problem worse. Suffice it to say that there is another very specific individual in our office who deserves the "office ho" label way more than I do. I think it's ridiculous that some people always think people are having some kind of affair if they are ever seen within 15 feet of one another. Jeez.

Anyway I will be out of there soon, I think. I'm hoping for a call about an interview very soon. I'm keeping a lookout for the smoke signals and keeping my mouth shut.

L is feeling better from his bout with the flu, but he is still slightly cranky. I am extremely cranky today, however, and not just about work. I am in the midst of the worst bout of PMS I have ever had. EVERYTHING is getting on my nerves right now. It is a struggle not to snap the head off of anyone who speaks to me about ANYTHING. I really need to cut my losses and call it a day, but I still have too many things to do. :-[ Even the doggets are annoying me.

Barnie keeps slurping water out of his bowl, and it makes an annoying noise. Denver keeps shoving his nose under my arm and into my ribs because he wants attention. I am being a real bitch about it, and I know it. They are just dogs. I am just in a bad mood and my back hurts. L has already asked me if I would like to go give the cats a good swift kick in the interests of fairness.

I glared at him and continued eating my lukewarm leftovers. I didn't feel like cooking.

In other news, it's cold. Brrrryzzz!!